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Catholic School Boys: Ted

posted by Liam Reed at 9:01 am.

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Ted went to St. James between first and 8th grade. It was a co-ed Catholic school in Glen Ellen, the city with the most churches per square mile in the U.S. He’s 22 and still fits in his 8th grade gym uniform (which he wore for the interview).

W.T. Really, the most churches per square mile in the United States?

Ted: Yeah, that’s our claim to fame. In the United States. It’s digusting. It’s conservative.

W.T. What I’d like to start with is sex education. Did you school have any?

Ted: Yes. 5th grade. It was only like a 5 class thing on Tuesdays … it was short. I had known everything though because I have an older sister and she told me everything when she went through it.

W.T. Alright, so what’d they teach you?

Ted: They went through the reasons for sex. Procreation. So, Catholic reasons for sex. And most of it was about changes as you grow. Like deodorant, using that. The basics of what puberty is gonna do, getting high, changes in musculature.

W.T. What’d they say about relationships?

Ted: They didn’t talk about relationships, homosexuality, masturbation. They didn’t talk about safe sex. No contraception, obviously, ‘cause Catholics are pretty well known for not believing in it. Yeah, they tend to reproduce.

W.T. And so you were in school through the sacrament of confirmation.

Ted: Yeah, I mean, I still go to church occasionally. It built for me a pretty firm belief in a higher power, and it’s easy to revert back to that when I am frustrated or want to talk or whatever. I do believe in the paternal father figure, as an overriding deity. I still identify as Catholic. Last year I was my little sister’s confirmation sponsor.

W.T. How’d you like public school in comparison to public school? You went to public school for high school, right?

Ted: Well, I hated CCD kids so much. Public school jackasses. But really I like public school better than private school. I couldn’t stand it. Usually they have really small classes. It was the same 33 people for 8 years of my life. I couldn’t wait to get to high school, which was 2,200 people.

W.T. How do you feel overall about your experience at Catholic school?

Ted: It was sheltered, beyond belief. It was horrible. We were so ridiculously unknowledgeable about the world. We weren’t allowed to date in 7th grade. We got yelled at by the principal for that. She came into our classroom and she’s like, “We heard that you guys went on a double date. That’s done!” We got yelled at for some kid bringing a condom to school. That was one of my friends. It altered how I decided to be in high school. It made me rebel a lot more. I didn’t masturbate until I got to high school and I’m pretty sure I’m hypersexual now. Ask either of the guys I’ve dated.

W.T. And you think that going to Catholic school and being repressed in that area is the reason for that?

Ted: Yeah, that’s my opinion. ‘Cause my sister’s kinda similar and I bet my younger sisters will be the same way.

W.T. So you did second guess your sexuality at points? Thinking of it as a phase?

Ted: Yeah, I would never say that I thought I was straight. I always knew I liked guys, but I thought there’s ways to work around that. Like being one of those husbands who never touches his wife! I like girls a lot, physically, and I’ve never had a problem fooling around with girls.

W.T. Did you ever have any relationships with women?

Ted: Yeah, 2 in high school. One was one month, the other was four. The second one ended when I first fooled around with a guy. Not right away though. It was horrible! I was dating this girl Dianne for 3 months, and then I fooled around with the first guy. I felt horrible so I told her. I went to her work and I had asked her to prom, on one of those billboard signs, ya know? And then I was supposed to pick her up, and I fell asleep and she came and I was like, “Yeah, we have to talk.” And at first she was crying happy, like, “I can’t believe you asked me to the –“ and I was like, “Yeah … I cheated on you.” And you see the tears start falling, and then I was like, “Yeah … with a guy.” And then! Eugh, we sat there for two hours. And we continued dating for another month and we went to prom, too. Worst prom of my life. She was gonna come to U of I because she thought we were going to get back together. I was like, “No, you don’t understand.”

W.T. What would you consider immoral sex?

Ted: See, I don’t know. I don’t believe there’s any categorical imperatives for sexuality. If it works for you … like if you can have a healthy relationship with more than one person then by all means. For me, I wouldn’t be able to do it. And sex with a younger person, if it’s a relationship you can do … that’s great on both parts. I probably couldn’t have sexual relations with like a 13 year old. But then again, I’m not from Kentucky.

W.T. My roommate actually just went to Kentucky. He’s hunting fossils. Next big topic. Gay marriage. How do you feel about it?

Ted: Um, I don’t see why it’s a topic. I think it should be abolished from a state standpoint. It should just be a religious thing. That’s why I think the solution is. But a lot of people won’t go for it, especially heterosexuals.

W.T. So instead of allowing special rights, special rights being tax breaks, etc., you think that should be abolished from all marriages and unions? Or do you want a separation from a marriage in the Church and a union under the State?

Ted: Yeah, that’s what I think would be the best option. Separation from what a religious marriage is and what a union is, in the state sense. But since that’s probably not gonna happen I’m all for gay marriage. I don’t think I’d ever picket for it or anything.

W.T. Do you ever see yourself getting married or having a union?

Ted: Yeah.

W.T. Which would you rather have, as a Catholic?

Ted: I don’t really care. As long as it’s something that’s legal and agreed upon by me and whoever I’m with. I want the same rights.

W.T. And how do you feel about the Bible?

Ted: I want to quote Foxxy Love on this, “It’s not a strict set of rules, but a guide to help you define your personal relationship with the lord.” It’s written … it’s not perfect. I got in a fight the other day with a girl from Cru about this, actually. Nothing perfect can come from something imperfect, and since it’s written by man…. It may be divinely inspired but it’s so open to misinterpretation. And it was also written with rules that made sense at the time but obviously we’ve progressed since then. Like … we wear buttons now. Clothes of more than one fabric.

W.T. Yeah, who knew! So comfy.

Ted: No joke! To quote some parts of the Bible and then ignore others is just ridiculous. But I’m also not a fan of organized religion. I believe in a lot of the doctrine and think it’s a good guideline to live life by, but I’m not a fan of the pope, I’m not a fan of mass. It’s very cultish. It’s nice. It’s stable. I was actually a youth leader in high school. I led my youth group and I went to Cru for a semester here.

W.T. What was that like?

Ted: It was cool. It’s kind of like mass and you sit around, sing songs and pray. But the people are very hypocritical, like in so many organized religions. There are a few genuinely good people. I liked youth group because it was more about being with your friends and you go for guidelines. And you play volleyball. They intertwined religious doctrine but it wouldn’t be hardcore. Most of the churches I have been with have been pretty liberal.

W.T. Your relationship with your family now, what’s it like?

Ted: They don’t care. I came out to my mom first. And she was upset for like 6 months, but she got over it. And my older sister, she was the one I was most scared to come out to. She would be like, “If you ever turned out gay I’m gonna cut off your balls and shove em down your throat.” It was horrible growing up! And I was terrified to come out and she was like, “Why didn’t you tell me?” She’s hilarious.

W.T. How did the priest scandal affect your view on homosexuality?

Ted: It’s a sad scenario, but I can see why it happened. People are repressed, they don’t want to get married, and so they figure that’ll help, but it doesn’t.

W.T. Do you think Catholic priests should be able to have relationships?

Ted: It’s a conflicting subject. They’re supposed to be studying God and it’s kind of hard to do that when you’ve got a family. To the extent that you go to a priest for religious guidance, I think it’d be really hard. But there’s got to be an outlet somewhere. As humans, we’re not meant to be asexual.

W.T. How has Catholic school impacted your view on relationships?

Ted: I’ve only been in two relationships. They were both long-term, for me at least. One was a year and a half, the other was 2 years. I don’t casually date. I think it’s a bit ridiculous. In both instances, I was dating somebody I thought I could see spending the rest of my life with. Go hard or go home is my philosophy. Hookups are fine, but if I can help it I don’t want to date someone for just 3 months. I believe in either long-term relationships or one-night stands. And I feel that a lot of that has a lot to do with the Catholic mindset. You’re supposed to find someone that you can be with forever.

W.T. Any other relationship tidbits?

Ted: Every time I’ve dated, that person’s become my best friend. My best buddy. And I fell like that’s the most important part of a relationship; the sex does fade from what it originally was. Maybe it doesn’t die completely, but you need somebody that you can get along with. What I liked about my last relationship was that we contrasted each other really well. We thought differently but had similar viewpoints. Both moderately conservative. I’m a bit more liberal. He’s in the fine and applied arts, and I’m in research. I like that.

W.T. Well we’re almost done here, but is there anything else you’d like to touch on before I go to my last question?

Ted: I think Catholic school jipped me. I mean, you started dating when you were like 13, right?

W.T. 14. It was the end of 8th grade.

Ted: Yeah, well I got jipped from that experience. Everything was so repressed. I didn’t even date girls in middle school. Like, the public middle school by us was doing those lipstick parties, ya know? With the different lipstick colors and they would be servicing guys and hopefully you’d have a rainbow on your dick by the time the party was over. People were doing that and at our school we’d be watching movies and baking cookies. But yeah, I guess the public schools by us were a bit out of control.

W.T. Alright, last question. If some gay kid from a Catholic school were plopped down next to you right now, what advice would you have for him?

Ted: Well, to Catholic students in general, think for yourself. Make sure everything makes sense to you instead of just believing doctrine. Yes they’re good guidelines and stuff but ultimately you have to make your own decisions. One of the ways I justify homosexuality in my life, was that God can’t possibly hate people for loving others. It can’t be that wrong if, well, for me, if you’re in a loving healthy monogamous relationship that isn’t abusive. Accept yourself and be truthful.

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