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Catholic School Boys: AJ

posted by Liam Reed at 10:38 am.

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AJ is a junior at UIUC. AJ went to Brother Rice High School, a same-sex Catholic school on the south side of Chicago.

W.T. What was sex ed like at Brother Rice?

AJ: Sex education? Well we didn’t get sex ed. Just what you learned in between the lockers I guess.

W.T. Did they talk about sexuality in any other classes?

AJ: Religious classes yeah. My high school is very accepting of everybody though. There were people that were out in my high school.

W.T. Were there any groups for that sort of thing? Like a GSA?

AJ: No, haha, it’s still the south side.

W.T. Did anyone seem to have a problem with it?

AJ: Well, I wasn’t out in high school. But no, no one had a problem with the other guys who were. I mean people threw around the word “gay” a lot but they didn’t mean it in a derogatory sense. Or direct at any of the gay people. It’s just the way south siders were brought up.

W.T. Tell me more about sexuality being discussed in your religion classes.

AJ: Oh god, well it depends on who your teacher was. Luckily my teacher was really cool. He was a brother actually. We had to do a group project once and we did it on gay marriage. We got an A+ on it. He loved it. Yeah, he never really went into detail on what he thought about gay people but you could tell he was cool with everybody.

W.T. What some people have been telling me is that it’s okay to be gay, but it’s not okay to actually take part in homosexual acts. Were you raised with a specific view on that?

AJ: I guess you could say that. People would know but they don’t want to see it. The idea of “keep it away from me.” But I feel if I can watch you make out in a bar with some chick, why can’t I do the same thing with a guy? I think people are afraid of stereotypes. My friend is okay with having a gay friend, but he’s not okay with seeing it. I don’t know why. I think they’re just afraid of being associated with promiscuity. They think all gay guys are promiscuous. Or they’re afraid of being thought of as gay themselves. They secretly do have some judgments.

W.T. And you’re cool with your friends feeling like that?

AJ: Well, I don’t know. At the beginning when I came out I was cool with it because I didn’t want people to think of me as this snobby kid saying “you can’t do this anymore or that anymore.” Now it pisses me off a little bit. I’m not gonna say anything about it but inside I’m thinking, “Shut the fuck up.”

W.T. You mentioned gay marriage earlier. How do you feel about that?

AJ: Thumbs up. Two thumbs up. Can’t wait. I want it now. I don’t want to get married now but I want the rights now.

W.T. Ok, that’s the thing, do you want the rights or do you actually want to be married in a church?

AJ: I think it’s a matter of being able to get married in the church. I hear you can get married in some Lutheran churches. In my future I don’t see myself getting married in a church. I would love to; I think church weddings are awesome. I don’t want to get married in a banquet hall!

W.T. A lot of people have a problem with gay marriage because a lot of gays want not only the rights that come with marriage, but the word marriage. Do you think we should have a separation there?

AJ: People are still easing up to the fact that gay marriage is happening now. I think having the right by itself is what we need now. We don’t need the word marriage in there now. It’s whatever you make it really. Calling it marriage now is pushing it a little too far. People are already pissed at us.

W.T. You’re still religious?

AJ: No.

W.T. No? But you want to get married in a church.

AJ: Well no, it depends where the church is at by that time. I would like to be religious, but in the Catholic Church … it’s just not … it’s two opposing forces.

W.T. Is that the one main issue you have with Catholicism?

AJ: There’s issues. I have so many problems with the Catholic Church. With the priests, with views on abortion. I think they’re just stuck in the medieval times. They’re afraid of change. It’s like in Happy Feet.

W.T. I haven’t seen it.

AJ: Oh god, you should. The main penguin who dances … they hate him because he can’t sing but he can dance. The elder penguins are afraid that dancing will bring about change in the way the penguins … it’ll mess up the balance. They run out of fish and they blame it on him. But in the end they all start dancing. Haha, it’s very politically driven. You should see it.

W.T. It kind of sounds like Footloose or something. But you mentioned priests. What’s wrong with priests?

AJ: Oh god, what isn’t wrong with priests? No, I shouldn’t say that, that’s horrible. There’s a lot of good priests out there. A lot of accepting priests. But you know on the south side you get your screwups. There was a priest at my school who didn’t pay his hooker or something downtown, and the pimp came and beat him up in our school parking lot. And then you get the ones who are a little bit too promiscuous with their students.

W.T. How did that whole priest scandal affect your views on the Catholic Church and on homosexuality? Because here you have someone preaching to you that the gay lifestyle is wrong, and then they’re partaking in it themselves to a point that involves pederasty…

AJ: Well, you have to blame it on the individual person who does it. I think part of the problem is when they outlawed marriage for priests. I mean can you imagine celibacy?

W.T. No. No I could not. That would be horrible.

AJ: That’s why I will not be a priest.

W.T. Do you know of any churches that are accepting?

AJ: No. I’m from the south side. I heard there may be some on the north side somewhere.

W.T. Do you have any interest in pursuing something like that?

AJ: I don’t consider myself not religious, I definitely believe in something. I don’t know what that is and I choose not to put a label on it. But no I can’t see myself going into a catholic church and sitting in one of the pews with everybody else and feeling comfortable. I’d feel like everybody’s staring at me. There’s the gay one!

W.T. You weren’t out in high school. So did you date any girls in high school?

AJ: In high school no. In grade school yeah. Like when you saw a person once a week and you would give them a hug and that’s considered dating.

W.T. Whoa. Hot stuff.

AJ: Yeah. I was a ladies man. But in high school no. I just had no connection with women. They all just wanted to be my friend! The girls I was friends with in high school I was friends with since 3rd grade. We were a very close group of people so we never really had newbies coming in either.

W.T. Did anyone find it strange that you weren’t dating anyone?

AJ: My friends never suspected it. I would make up girlfriends for my parents just so they would stop asking me when I’m going to bring someone to a family party. I would tell them, “Oh she’s just not comfortable with meeting the family.” Oh god … the lies…haha.

W.T. Can you tell me about your parents?

AJ: My mom is cool with it now. She didn’t believe me until she found out I was actually in a relationship with a guy. That was the proof. My dad kind of refuses to believe it. Still. He’s your typical hardworking middle America republican. Not even republican, but he’s always been traditional.

W.T. And siblings?

AJ: I have an older brother and sister. And they know. My sister didn’t believe me when I told her. She told me I didn’t have a gay bone in my body. I totally could have put a pun in there. My brother is kind of funny about it. My sister told my brother, and he called me and was like, “So you make out with boys? Alright….” He’s one of those “not around me” guys, but I have a feeling he’ll warm up to it.

W.T. THE BIBLE. How do you feel about the Bible?

AJ: People try to interpret it so literally. It pisses me off. I took an intro to Catholicism class last year and the teacher was trying to convince us that Adam and Eve were real people.

W.T. That’s so much inbreeding, if that’s true. So much. How do you think the Bible should be read?

AJ: As a story to relate to. Nothing more nothing less. The story is meant to be there to teach you something. It’s not to tell you how to act and behave. It’s there to guide you.

W.T. Sexual deviancy. How would you define that?

AJ: I don’t consider any sex to be “bad.” There are some things I wouldn’t do. Like I would never tie people up or anything. I’m not a kinky person. But I don’t consider that wrong. It’s just not my forte.

W.T. What about polygamy?

AJ: I don’t think that would be wrong, but who would want that? That would bring so much drama and confusion. If you can do it, go for it. But I wouldn’t be able to deal with it. Especially if there’s a woman involved.

W.T. Bestiality?

AJ: If you’re having sex with animals or children, you need to see somebody. You’re a very lonely person.

W.T. You see yourself having a family. How do you plan to go about that?

AJ: A bunch of my friends that are women said they would gladly have one of my children.

W.T. Honestly?

AJ: Yeah. One for sure. But I don’t know if I would want to do that because then she would be involved. Like, I would want the kid and for her to leave the kid alone so I can raise it with whomever I’m with. I mean … I want to keep the bloodline going. Maybe do a surrogate or somethin’. Maybe I’ll just have a bunch of my girlfriends donate their eggs and I could use a surrogate. I’ll just pick randomly so they don’t know.

W.T. You should get a tshirt.

AJ: Haha, yeah, “Accepting egg donations.”

W.T. Only slightly creepy. Is there anyone who doesn’t know?

AJ: All my closest friends know. My family knows. My grandma knows, grandpa doesn’t. He’s just crazy. I’d probably get the shotgun pulled out on me, haha.

W.T. There’s one more question I want to ask. If you were to come across a high school student in a catholic high school today, what advice would you have for him?

AJ: I’d probably tell him to wait ‘til college to come out. School you won’t have a problem with, but at home you’re with your family 24/7. I told my parents over the phone and waited a week before going home. It gave them some time to get used to it. But I would say that you should tell one of your close friends in high school. It’s such a relief.

W.T. What if they want to date someone?

AJ: I waited and it was hell. But if you’re willing to do it and you can hide it from people, go for it. But it’s a struggle. I wouldn’t be able to do it. If your friends all found out, your family would find out. All your friends have siblings, word spreads like wildfire.

W.T. Anything else you want to touch on in relation to sexuality and spirituality?

AJ: If you have the balls …. if you’re strong enough in your faith and you can be gay, that’s amazing and I don’t know how you do it. But I don’t think it’s a real possibility to be a religious gay person in today’s society. I say it’ll be 10 more years. America just isn’t ready for us.

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