This may come as a surprise, but I’m the type of guy who likes to masturbate. I know, I know, you’re thinking, “Oh Liam, not you! You’re much too angelic to ever dare practice the art of burping the worm! I would never think of you as someone who dances the Sticky Page Rhumba!”
But alas, friends, I am the type of person who masturbates. I’m also kind of lazy at times. My house sits opposite a somewhat large apartment building, and apparently I should probably start pulling down the blinds. My roommates and I had a barbecue this past Saturday and a girl across the street screamed from her third story balcony, “Which of you guys has the room that we can see into?!”
“That’s mine.”
“We saw you watching porn!!!”
Well. That’s lovely. I brought this story up last night at Murphy’s with a few of my coworkers. We expanded on the topic of masturbation and one of my friends, “Jolly Jane,” mentioned that her husband would never allow her to see him masturbating. Apparently a lot of straight guys think of masturbation purely as a means of getting off. On the other hand, he would love to watch Jolly Jane masturbate. When women masturbate (and this is according to one person, but I can dig it), it becomes much more of a sexual experience. I then heard a story about how Jolly Jane masturbated on a long drive once, and even though she didn’t orgasm, it was still a noteworthy experience (and please, feel free to make as many “shifting gears” jokes as you want). One of my male coworkers, Sexy Sal, chimed in with a similar story, but it involved having to pull off to the side of the road to quickly jerk off and then wipe up with a Burger King napkin. Sal’s act was in search of instant gratification, whereas Jane’s was a bit more extensive.
Of course, we need to keep in mind that both of these fine people were driving, and that it’s a lot more difficult for a man to conceal his masturbation while driving than it is for a woman. What if these people were in their respective homes and taking their time? Is masturbation for a woman generally always sexy and is a man always just seeking a quick fix?
Clearly I cannot be certain about straight guys when it comes to masturbation, but something tells me that they’re a lot less likely to incorporate ass play into their masturbation routines. I know quite a few gay guys who are willing to use cock rings, dildos, or even just their fingers while jerking off, and it’s for this reason that I think that a gay guy is more likely to feel sexual while masturbating than a straight guy.
I can’t imagine why this would be. The more time and effort I put into masturbating, the more rewarding the experience turns out to be. So here’s my question, does the argument that straight guys find masturbation to be more of a quick fix than a sexual experience have any merit? If so, why do you think that is? And I’m not saying that straight guys don’t enjoy masturbating (cause they clearly do), but why can’t it be something that’s sexy?
I need to shower. See ya, homies.
Liam Reed: 1987 model, runs fairly well, few dents, starts in cold weather, no baggage, loves flea markets and canned soup. Send all hate mail, love mail, and sexual advances to withtongue@gmail.com
Comments
jon hansen (jon hansen) says:
(Posted June 15th, 2009 at 7:14 pm)
I got caught by my roommate and my housekeeper when I lived in Bromley, which brings up a very important lesson: don’t fucking live in Bromley.
Here’s the data:
Years lived in Bromley: 2
Times caught: 2
Years lived out of Bromley (and masturbating): 9
Times caught: 0.5 (I’m sure mom knew but I managed to dive off the far side of my bed)
That’s pretty strong data.
jon hansen (jon hansen) says:
(Posted June 15th, 2009 at 7:17 pm)
That’s a lot of hardware Phil, you could have a half decent yard sale with your masturbation “tools”. Power to ya 
Mike (Mike) says:
(Posted June 20th, 2009 at 2:39 pm)
When I was a kid, my cousin would always talk to me about sex and things. One thing he said was that jerking off was more for getting through the day to relax, whereas sex is what should be more passionate. Yet he is the one who can only last 30 minutes, and I go for much longer. He even brought up how it was practicing for the real thing. I say, if it is considered ‘practice’, then wouldn’t you practice the way you want to play?
gabby (gabby) says:
(Posted September 26th, 2009 at 11:30 pm)
I wanna go masturbate now cept i just did now i wanna do ‘IT with all of you guys.
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Liam Reed
1987 model, runs fairly well, few dents, starts in cold weather, no baggage, loves flea markets and canned soup. Send all hate mail, love mail, and sexual advances to withtongue@gmail.com
Phil (Phil) says:
(Posted June 15th, 2009 at 7:14 pm)
I think I’ve done both. I have a huge bag of tricks that includes TWO vibrators, one regular cockring and a vibrating cockring, lots of different types of lube, and a whole folder on my external hard drive with dozens of movies by “Ajay” from Sean Cody. On some occasions ALL of this hardware will be involved… those days, I sort of eke out about an hour or so of me time and enjoy myself. Other days, NONE of it is involved, and I’m down and back up in under 10. It really depends. I do agree, however, the longer I take, the more I get close and then draw back, the better the end result is. MUCH MUCH better.