I know most of you homos know Jay Brannan and I know I’ve mentioned him before, but I’m gonna post his new music video on here just in case you didn’t subscribe to him on YouTube. After all, there’s nothing hotter than a skin-headed dude strumming an acoustic guitar on his truck while no one is around. That’s just sexy.

That, and I made my mom listen to him and she loves him. And you can’t say no to my mom. That’s rude.

On that note, how many of you are bringing your moms down for Moms’ Day? Let’s go get wasted at Firehaus. Or let’s go get wasted at the flower expo. We can make tshirts.

I feel I wouldn’t be doing my duty if I didn’t mention that the Supreme Court of Iowa just legalized gay marriage with a unanimous vote. But who would have thought that Iowa would legalize gay marriage before California? But it could always be put to a vote so … well, I guess we’ll see.

On another note, the squirrel that lived in my house over winter and left about a month ago has decided to return, thus far choosing only to live in the walls of my closet.

And then there was Parker. Parker is a junior advertising major who rushed his frat his freshman year. At the time of the interview he wasn’t really out to anyone, but did define himself as gay. Being that talkative guy that Parker is, I’m just going to run this one in a Q&A format.

WT: Can you tell me about your experience with rushing?

Parker: I wasn’t out. I just knew I wanted to do it. It’s a built-in social network. The house I chose to rush had at least one gay and that made me a bit more comfortable. I was more worried about getting – I’m not good about talking about this stuff.

WT: So if you don’t mind me asking, why aren’t you out?

Parker: Everyone just wants to fit in and not be different. The guys probably wouldn’t be different to my face but … I have to teach freshmen these brotherly values and now it’s kind of sad that I can’t do what I preach. Coming out wouldn’t hinder my relationships but I just don’t want to deal with it right now. I don’t want people talking. I hope that changes soon. Hopefully I can come out to my parents first, and then that’s how I want the coming out cycle to start.

WT: Since you aren’t out, can you tell me how you go about meeting guys?

Parker: Initially being drunk makes it easier. There’s hiding … being secretive like about where I’m going. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve come to terms with it. Sort of. I do have friends who know and a friend even came out to me. I don’t want people to feel uncomfortable if I talk about me and a guy. I do have outlets if I need to talk about it. Having a friend is a must. Absolutely. But I’m still coming to terms with it.

WT: So would you say it’s bad to be gay in a frat?

Parker: I know someone who is gay and refuses to tell anyone in his house. I know people in his house who know. I don’t think it’s bad. Everyone supports each other. We do everything together. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Ideally it shouldn’t be a big deal, but realistically it is.

WT: What would you say frats think about gays?

Parker: They frown upon it. Come on, the stereotype is that you get drunk and have sex with girls. But my frat is more atypical. It’s not a good representation of a stereotypical frat. If I were in a different house I think I would hate it. I have more of a problem with it myself than anyone in my frat would.

I would love to bring a date to a function, but if I did … hopefully one day I won’t care. I just like to please people though. It’s hard to be different. I feel different every time a group of guys talk about sex. I can’t contribute. I think they’d be dumb if they didn’t know. It’s more of a personal issue. Being in a frat or not, I’d be at the same place I am now. I would like to think my frat would be there to support me. I would be surprised if I got a negative reaction and I think my friends would support me. My fam too. I don’t want to upset anyone though. I also don’t want to be thought of as that fag. It’s a hard issue to come to terms with.

WT: So do you think you’re missing out on anything?

Parker: I’d like to be able to go to C St. for a reason other than an exchange and I want to be able to tell people, “Yeah, I was at C St. tonight.” It sucks not even being able to hook up. College is an experience you only get once and I’m sure I’m going to regret not doing it sooner. You can really get away with so much shit in college and I’m not using them! The one guy I hooked up with … well I had a bad experience with him. Maybe that has something to do with it.

WT: Can you tell me about any relationships you’ve had?

Parker: I haven’t had sex but I have done handjobs and oral. I haven’t had a relationship. I went to dinner and hooked up after but that’s not a relationship. No one has been interested enough in me to have a relationship. This is mostly my fault. In relationships you meet their friends and their family … I can’t do that right now. How would other people react? I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m hiding. I have had a girlfriend but I didn’t really care. I want to do it right.

WT: The LGBT Office at the Union tends to be a very accepting environment. Have you ever checked it out?

Parker: Yeah I went to the LGBT Office and was really turned off. People said, “Oh, must be a freshman!”

WT: So, turning more towards the subject of U of I, do you think people accept gays on campus?

Parker: Maybe half and half. I remember one time in class when a girl said in front of the class that she is against gays and abortion. She sounded dumb. But people tend to be more homophobic when they come from smaller towns, at least in my experience.

WT: Frats tend to get a bad wrap with being called racist or drunks, etc. One of my aims with this article is to not only prove that gays exist in frats, but that frat guys aren’t total assholes. How do you feel about these stereotypes?

Parker: Not every frat guy is just looking to have sex. I know a good number of guys who have relationships and have sustained them. There are guys who get drunk every week and sleep with girls, but that’s not everyone. Frats do provide good services. They do charity and help the community. It’s not all just about getting drunk.

Being in a frat has helped me get through stuff. There is a sense of brotherhood. It shouldn’t just be limited to straight guys. I’m really involved in my house and I care a lot about it.

WT: Is there anything you think campus should know?

Parker: Being gay isn’t wrong. It’s not a choice. No one would choose a path with so many obstacles. I don’t understand how someone can discriminate against what turns a person on. I’d bet a good amount of money that almost every frat has at least one gay guy in it, especially after talking to the people I have.

Dan is a bit different from our last fratty specimen, Ron. Dan rushed his sophomore year and he did so being out of the closet.

“Yeah, no one really cared that I was gay.”

Dan was able to find a frat, however, that already had two gay (and out) members. Dan told me that, “It is definitely safe to be out in a frat, but if you’re not honest with who you are, you won’t find the right frat for you.”

I had mentioned to Dan how the previous guy I interviewed, Ron, had hidden more of his hookups. Since Dan is out, I was interested in his experiences with hooking up. He told me that he never felt the need to hide his sex life and that it has never been a big deal to bring a guy home.

When it comes to social circles on this campus, it seems that a lot of gay guys stick together. Many gay guys I know are friends strictly with other gay guys, and since Ron broke that stereotype I was wondering if Dan would be doing the same. He told me that a lot of his friends are bros in the Greek system, both gay and straight, as well as friends outside the Greek system, both gay and straight.

“My friends have to be well-rounded. I’m not going to be friends with someone just because they have the same sexual orientation that I do.”

When it comes to going out, Dan has been to C St. a couple of times but he doesn’t make it a habit because it’s simply too far away. C St. is the only gay bar in town (okay, FuBar and Boltini are pretty faggy too, and I hear there’s a new Dyke bar in town too…), but not even C St. is willing to call itself as a “strictly gay” bar. This, I find, is a good thing, but there’s no way in hell you’re going to convince U of I students that C St. isn’t a gay bar. Point of the story is, there are only so many places that welcome gays as their main customers, and I wanted to ask Dan whether or not that was a problem.

“Well, you can go to C.O.s and make out with a dude, but you will get dirty looks. The same goes for heterosexuals at C St. Really, PDAs in general are going to get you stared at. The most unsafe places for LGBT students are probably dark parking lots at night and some frats, but definitely not all of them. Campus is pretty much safe for everyone, especially in comparison to Chicago.”

This got us on the topic of frats themselves. Dan told me that since he’s made his presence known in his frat, the guys have toned down their use of terms like “faggot” and “that’s so gay,” but he feels that even when they do use these terms they’re usually not meant in a negative way.

“Yeah, other bros call people out now too. Bros look out for each other.”

Apparently the guys actually can get interested in the subject of homosexuality, and, after they’ve had a bit of liquid courage, they manage to ask Dan questions varying from “So, do you have a boyfriend?” to “Dude, who gives better head, guys or chicks?”

At this point Dan interjected, wanting to make sure I was aware, that, “I could tell you a name of a gay guy in every frat on this campus. There are guys that get drunk and do stuff who can’t possibly really have a problem with homosexuality.”

These guys don’t really interest Dan though, “I wouldn’t want to mess around with someone closeted ‘cause that’s just added drama and bullshit. Less effort needs to go into it if they’re out.”

His advice for guys who are in the closet and in a frat?

“Start by telling your two closest buddies, whether they’re in the house or not. You’d be surprised that it doesn’t actually spread. People didn’t tell other people. Just start with a few people to see how they react. Not everyone will be cool with it, but that’s not the end of the world. I’ve been lucky in finding people who don’t really care.”

And when it comes to benefits of being out of the closet:

“Bros are supposed to be your closest friends. You are holding back by not being yourself. If you don’t want to come out, you won’t be able to have a relationship necessarily. I would never say that you have to come out. If you’re not sure, WAIT.”

On whether gay guys should rush at all:

“I would encourage gay guys to rush, totally, but there are certain frats you should really stay away from. Not all frats are stereotypical 100% of the time. There are aspects asides from getting laid and drunk all the time. But frats aren’t for everyone. Guys who shouldn’t pledge are guys who are reserved. The whole point is to be social and make new friends. Be willing to put yourself out there. If you have trouble opening up to people, a frat isn’t the place to start.”

And when it comes to ending some stereotypes about frats:

“Gays in frats are a lot more prevalent than you think. And it’s not like I’m the “gay” bro. It’s not my defining characteristic. It comes off as downplayed, but it isn’t just ignored. I would also give frat guys a lot more credit for being understanding than you’d think. Just cause they make jokes about it doesn’t mean they don’t care. It’s actually more of a human response if you think about it. I’m in a minority, but it’s cool.”

****

On another note, I’m going to do some shameless promotion of the LGBT Office. Here is a message that I stole from Lyndon Stewart from the LGBT Resource Center:

Heya folks,

The LGBT Resource Center still needs a group of undergrad and grad students who either frequent or do not frequent our office. We’re doing a focus group designed to structure our long term goals so we need your input on what you want from us or wish you could see in the future.

The focus group will be THURSDAY, APRIL 2nd, at 5PM, in the LGBT Resource Center (323 Illini Union). We’ll have free food for you and it should be an informative and insightful meeting.

We really need people to participate so if you’re interested please send me a message!

cstewar2@illinois.edu

Thank you!
Lyndon