Of course, not all gay guys in frats are out of the closet. Next came Joe, a sophomore in psychology who has been in his frat since last year. Joe is bisexual and is in the closet, saying that he does not feel the need to let everyone know about his sexuality because he does not flaunt his attraction to either of the sexes, but he is willing to tell someone if they were to ask.
“I feel that I may be losing opportunities. However, I also feel that I will not be judged, discriminated, or made fun of if I stay closeted. It’s not like I can go up to any guy in most bars even if I’m openly gay.”
One of the standard questions I asked the guys was if they thought it would be safe to be out of the closet in a frat. Joe told me, “I think I would be safe to be out in my frat but I’m only assuming. I do not fully know my brothers that well.”
Unlike some of the other closeted guys I interviewed, Joe has had actual relationships with other guys. He told me that it’s easier to keep these things under wraps since he’s not living in the house this year.
I asked Joe his sentiments for programs such as Greek Allies, an organization that self-identifies as “an initiative on campus focusing on developing more cohesive relationships within chapters of fraternity and sorority organizations” with the aim of “eliminating the pressures and constraints placed upon gay, lesbian, and bisexuals who are also members of the Greek community.” You can find more information about them here. I assumed the answer would be something along the lines of “it’s more of a punishment and everyone hates these things” or “yeah they’re helpful,” the reality of the situation was that Joe hadn’t even heard of them. His actual response: “The opportunity has not been given.”
Not very talkative on the subject, Joe only had two more things to say. The first being that in terms of whether or not gays are accepted on campus, “They are accepted but they are not respected.”
And should gay guys bother rushing a frat?
“I would not recommend very fem gays to rush. They will be made fun of. They will be considered as outcasts.”
**
The next on the list is Cole, a senior in business who has been a member of his frat for all 4 years at U of I. He rushed his frat for the social aspects, and while he says being gay in a frat puts you in no physical danger, it does put your social life in danger.
Cole is bisexual, and when asked why he decided to stay closeted he told me that he wants to get married to a girl one day. It seems a common fear (reality?) among bisexuals that once you’re out of the closet, no girl is going to want to date or marry you. A short note on this subject, I was at work and asking my coworkers, all of which are straight, whether or not they would date someone if they knew this person had sex with the same sex. The guys were very open to this, saying that not only would they be fine with dating a woman who has had sex with other women, but several of them would be okay with letting their girlfriend or wife continue having sex with women even while they are together. When it came to the women, though, they were very adamant about not wanting to date a guy who has ever taken it up the ass. Unfortunately I did not get to ask any gay guys or women about their feelings for dating bisexuals, so please, comment and tell me how you feel!
Moving on. I asked Cole what common features would be for a hookup between him and another guy. He, like many of the other guys I interviewed, told me that his hookups have always been discrete, took place with masculine guys, and more often than not involved alcohol to the point of drunkenness. He has hooked up with 10 guys in his time at U of I, usually using Craigslist to meet them. To keep everything discreet he creates fake email accounts and never tell his hookup his real name.
When he finishes school, Cole tells me that he has no intention of ever being in a relationship with another guy. One of the benefits of being in the closet, he says, is that you can continue dating girls and get to explore with guys, “It is not a bad thing to be in the closet in a frat.”
When it comes to the general sentiment the frats have towards homosexuality, Cole told me that he never has heard conversations in his frat where homosexuality is put in a positive light. He feels that gays are generally accepted on campus, but if more guys in frats were out they would probably be a bit more accepted.
In the end, he still recommends that gay guys be willing to rush the frats, “it’s still a great way to be social.”
Liam Reed: 1987 model, runs fairly well, few dents, starts in cold weather, no baggage, loves flea markets and canned soup. Send all hate mail, love mail, and sexual advances to withtongue@gmail.com
Comments
Ron (Ron) says:
(Posted April 5th, 2009 at 9:50 am)
“One of the benefits of being in the closet, he says, is that you can continue dating girls and get to explore with guys.”
This part disgusts me. Randomly hooking up with Craigslist people and then having relationships with women? Even if “Cole” gets tested regularly at McKinley; there are STDs they don’t check for and there are even STDs you can contract even with protection. And this is exactly how people; gay, straight, male, or female; get such diseases even if they’re in a “committed relationship”.
I’ve seen those disgusting posts from old, married men who surf on Craigslist hoping to find some “college type” who can host a “blow and go”. And without this being directly targeted at Cole, those married types looking to give head on Craigslist chose not to come out, got married because their wives don’t know they’re bisexual, and has needs their wives can’t meet so they have to cheat and look for it somewhere else.
I could also go on about how this kind of mentality perpetuates the negative stigma attached to bisexuals, but I’m not going to go there.
Mason G (Mason G) says:
(Posted April 5th, 2009 at 10:49 am)
Unfortunately Joe and Cole are in a sticky situation but it is probably the best situation for their personal wants and desires. If they were to come out of the closet, Cole is somewhat right by saying that “no girl is going to want to date or marry you”; however, I have met several girls that are intrigued by the fact that I have had sex with guys and showed considerable interest in me anyway. The unfortunate part about this is these girls were not what I would call the most physically and emotionally attractive women. I guess if these boys were willing to give up the more attractive and less desperate girls, they would be fine 
On the flip side of all this, should these guys choose not to come out of the closet, it may be slightly harder to be in a long term relationship with openly homosexual men. Many openly gay guys are not going to be willing to waste their time on confused and paranoid bisexuals wah wah. So ,in the end, I suppose if I were a bisexual frat boy I would probably choose the same path as Cole and Joe. I would love to get married and have kids in a normal heterosexual relationship but have accepted that fact that this is just not going to happen.
Mike (Mike) says:
(Posted April 5th, 2009 at 12:47 pm)
These last posts make me sad for these guys. It’s the repression of who you are that has fucked up so many people in the past. I thought we were at a point where that was a smaller issue on a big campus like ours. Apparently we have a lot more work to do.
Also, you’d think that if you were trying to meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, they’d accept you for ALL of who you are. It’s that person that you want to open up and share with the most. If you can’t do that, perhaps you haven’t found the right relationship.
Ryan (Ryan) says:
(Posted April 5th, 2009 at 5:52 pm)
The topic of bisexuality has always intrigued me. I agree with the theory that, to a degree, everybody is a bisexual. I support anybody with any, or lack thereof, label; for to oppress another is to ultimately oppress yourself. I would date somebody regardless of who they have shared a bed with in the past. Who am I to judge what another has done in the past if it has brought them to be the person they are today?
Suleman Hussain (Suleman Hussain) says:
(Posted April 8th, 2009 at 9:49 am)
First off, I took what he said, about having relationships with women and fooling around with guys, to mean they were happening at different times, not that he was cheating on these women. And the county health department Will test for all of those diseases (I’m not sure what McKinnley doesn’t test for).
Also, I personally feel I am in no place to judge someone for their sexual history. I feel like sometimes, bisexuals are sorted into one of two groups. I have heard Very open minded people say ” Bisexual just means you’re greedy, and all you want is sex”. Or my own mother denyed the existence of Bisexuals saying ”oh honey, haven’t you hear the term ‘bi now gay later’?” While it is true that nymphomaniacs don’t discriminate in gender, and that many confused gays use bisexuality as an intermediary it doesn’t negate the fact that there are plenty of Normal Bisexual people out there. Who are just like every other human being on this planet, they just happen to beat to a different drum, (or more than one). I mean in my opinion excluding someone just based on the fact that they’re bisexual is just as wrong as saying you’ll never be with someone who’s slept with a black person.
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Liam Reed
1987 model, runs fairly well, few dents, starts in cold weather, no baggage, loves flea markets and canned soup. Send all hate mail, love mail, and sexual advances to withtongue@gmail.com
Manny (Manny) says:
(Posted April 5th, 2009 at 9:10 am)
“As always Mr. Reed, enlightening and impressive…great work. ” “They are accepted but they are not respected.”.. I guess, I’m not the only one who’s “SO PHOBIC, SAY U PUT IT”……………………….
But I really enjoyed this….ducezzz