Manny (Manny) says:
(Posted April 3rd, 2009 at 9:18 am)

“No one would choose a path with so many obstacles” the spoken words of “Parker” which meant so much, yet so little to me at the same time…..I agree to the fullest with “Parker’s” stance on the idea that those who decide to come out live a double life, as do I. From my experience, I just as “Parker explains” can not have a normal relation, what ever that means….with another male, because I continue to hinder in the shadows and not allow myself to be seen from those whom may know my family and friends….”Embarrassed of who I am, never!”…Fear of the outcome, always!…..does this make me a hypocrite?, if so, so be it, yet I understand what i must do, although this requires my silence, my withdraw into the shadows which only a “selective” few may see the one side of me who is complete…
On the side of being in a frat and acceptance of others, such as myself…..in my opinion it all depends on the individual and their background; which includes their exposure to the “LGBT” community beforehand, or have hey been sheltered from this experience? Those whom come from smaller towns are simply afraid and fear the unfamiliar; but if you learn to hang on for that one second longer, they may surprise you…..

Z (Z) says:
(Posted April 3rd, 2009 at 10:21 am)

I think a key part of this interview which may go overlooked is the short blurb on the LGBT office.

Now I’m not trying to legitimate or perpetuate any untrue stereotypes, but from my vantage point (having hooked up with/been friends with/actually been a closeted frat boy), the common perception is that the people who hang out in the LGBT office are at the very least more open about their sexual orientation, if not outwardly so (”advertising”, if you will). There are certainly stereotypes that the fratty gay boys have about “those kinds” (again, I’m struggling for words that won’t be offensive or give the impression of my sanction). On the other hand, it goes the other way. From “our” perspective, those who are either more open or more outwardly gay look at gay frat guys with a certain measure of disdain; that we are doing the gay community a disservice by staying closeted, or that we’re cowards, or trying to “fit in” with the “straights”, etc…

So it’s not surprising that closeted, or even out guys in frats probably don’t utilize the LGBT office as much as they should. I mean closeted guys also have the fear of being spotted going in there, but it does go deeper than that.

Timbo (Timbo) says:
(Posted April 3rd, 2009 at 11:24 am)

Well put, Z, but your important contributions would be all the more clear if you didn’t pull your punches. Say what you mean, and if your bluntness offends a few, fear not, as the number left with a clear picture of what you speak will be far greater than those offended.

Z (Z) says:
(Posted April 3rd, 2009 at 11:56 am)

Timbo:

Those who know me can tell you that I typically NEVER pull my punches, but for some reason I decided to go easy today, in the spirit of non-divisiveness. I must have drank too much last night. I’ll be back to normal soon enough.

As an addition, I would like to say that I personally never visited the LGBT office. Not because I didn’t like the people (hell if I knew them) or anything like that, but because it didn’t fit my style. I never cared whether or not I had gay friends, and I never saw a particular reason to make it a point to hang out with other gay guys for the sake of it. When I was closeted, I just focused on being close with my friends without them knowing that one part of me (plus it would be odd for a “straight” guy to be hanging out with a bunch of gay guys, right?), and when I was out, even though I couldn’t talk to them about things EXACTLY like I would have talked to someone who was gay, it was good enough. I think that use of the LGBT office has some kind of correlation with how important one views their sexual orientation as a defining aspect of themselves. Me, I never defined myself by who I was attracted to; I was always just a “guy” rather than a “gay guy.” And luckily, that’s how my friends and bros continued to see me even after I came out.

Lyndiddy (Lyndiddy) says:
(Posted April 3rd, 2009 at 1:11 pm)

Hmm…well, because I work the the LGBT resource center I guess I should throw my two cents in.

First, let me say that whether or not people have positive or negative impressions/ideas/feelings/experiences/stereotypes with/of the center or the people who frequent it, I’m always grateful to hear what people have to say. It’s things like that which help us make the center a better place in the future so people don’t have to feel that way anymore.

It’s really unfortunate that Parker had a bad experience coming here, especially because it’s the guys who may be closeted or out and in frats who we need to see here more often! That you were driven off or made uncomfortable is a real shame.

Secondly, to Z. It’s important to let everyone know that there are as many ways to be gay as there are to be a diverse person in general. So I hope that nobody thinks that coming to the LGBT Resource Center functions as some kind of validation for your sexuality. Whether you come every day or never feel the need, it doesn’t really matter. What we are though is a resource that serves very distinct purposes. For me who during my first year on campus didn’t make any new friends, let alone gay ones, the office was a great way for me to meet a group of really unique and interesting people and know that sexuality didn’t have to be a factor in our relationship. My sexuality didn’t have to be central to my identity but if I wanted to express it, like talking about hot guys or whatever, I could do it without a second thought. That’s what’s important to understand about the appeal. It is definitely obvious though, that this isn’t a need for some people, but what’s important is that you don’t have to forsake the center in order to preserve your identity. We’re here as a resource and even if you never have to come here, if ever there came a time where what we offer became necessary I just hope everyone know they have a place to go with a staff they can speak to that can help in any way possible.

Speaking personally now (all me, not the office. lol), it really is troubling to me that there is so much of a stigma going both ways between the out/open/visible and discreet/closeted gay people on campus. I’ve heard guys who are in the closet show resentment for feeling like they’re pressured to come out by their out there brothers, and a lot of my friends find it frustrating that attempts to reach out to these guys are usually met with discrimination for not being stereotypically masculine enough or even frustration because keeping anonymity can make it difficult for some guys to have the kinds of relationships they want to. That’s not to say relationships aren’t possible, just that maybe if you’re a guy who wants to hold his guy’s hand or feel free showing even a little affection, or if you wanna take him home to meet your family or tell your friends about it, if your bf doesn’t want you to do that it can feel limiting. Of course this is a very black and white view, but I still think it’s unfortunate that these elements exist in our community.

Something I’ve said before on this blog is that if we lived in a perfect world then there wouldn’t even have to be such a thing as coming out. You’d grow up and one day start liking guys or girls or whomever, and would start dating someone and nobody would care, but that’s not where we are. Things aren’t equal, there’s discrimination. So if coming out is ever treated like an imperative it’s because it is. The more people in the LGBT community that come out (and we’re all a part of it whether you wanna be or not because decisions which limit our freedoms ultimately affect you as well) the more faces there are to give our cause strength and move us closer to that goal. I think we all want that, so it can be saddening if people don’t want to help us and themselves. That being said, I’m so happy to hear about all of the guys here who are out in their frats because they’re definitely working towards making positive changes in our society. I encourage you guys to get involved in GREEK ALLIES. They’re working towards that same goal and they really need more members to help them, especially folks who identify as LGBT.

Just think about that. haha

Suleman Hussain (Suleman Hussain) says:
(Posted April 3rd, 2009 at 3:42 pm)

First off, I just need to say, I’m intrigued by the whole concept of a “LGBT” office… is this run through UofI’s “GSA” type organization or something separate?

Also, I think the broader issues of Stigmas and stereotype is a really important one to address, because as it has somewhat been said, the issue is a two-way street. Here at Bradley, we’re a pretty liberal campus, but for whatever reason, our Music department has a disproportionately large amount of commuter students, many of which were home-schooled with a deeply conservative and religious undertones. Many of these students are good friends of mine, and love me despite my open homosexuality, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that sometimes, especially as freshman, the liberal and conservative camps harbor unnecessary and downright petty resentment. While drunk at a house party (not one of my finer moments) I had a very serious heart to heart with a rather conservative acquatiantence of mine, and She and I both admitted “I haven’t been the person I should have been to you, and that’s not fair”. My point is, people who haven’t been exposed to a lot of the world can be ignorant and cruel, but it is scary how quickly we treat them just the same, when we are supposedly “so much more worldly” or some bull-shit like that.

Lyndiddy (Lyndiddy) says:
(Posted April 3rd, 2009 at 6:00 pm)

To explain about the office. The LGBT Resource Center is a University department. It was started in the 70s I believe and originally run by a part-time staff until relatively recently. In 1993 we were given an office in our Illini Union and they were eventually granted a Full-time staff (Director and Assistant Director). Until last year it was part of the Office of the Dean of Students, but this summer we a new branch was created called the Office of Inclusion and Intercultural Relations (OIIR). This department is underneath the Vice-Chancellor and encompasses the University Cultural Centers, the Women’s Resource Center and our Program on Intergroup Relations.

All of that history is to say, the LGBT resource center is equivalent to a Cultural center on campus. We’re funded by the University and we work very closely with the LGBT RSOs and groups on campus and in the community. Our most basic functions are to be a watch dog for LGBT concerns on campus and in the C-U community, provide educational resources and expertise to the campus, and most importantly our office itself serves as a safe space for LGBT students. The office is basically a lounge with two office attached. We’ve got a tv, couches, some computers and a fridge. People come in and have lunch, watch tv, do homework, or just hang out and have a good time. Myself and our Director Leslie Morrow are there to interact with people more often than not, but we also are out sitting on committees and panels and making sure university administration is looking out for our best interests. A lot of our RSOs hold meetings in the office as well and we have a lot of outreach with other campus departments. For example, the counseling center has drop-in hours on Wednesdays from 4-5 and are able to hold small confidential sessions in the office and the career center does resume critiques Tuesdays from 4-5, just to name a few. We also do a lot of educational and social programming by bringing speakers to campus like Dan Savage, doing big social events like our big beginning of the year cookout, our Rainbow Coffeehouse that we host Tuesday nights 6:30-9 at the ETC. coffeehouse in the Wesley Foundation on the corner of Goodwin and Green st., our Monday “Quench” series where we provide free lunch in our center and have discussions on various topics from LGBT history to dating. We do a lot of referral service as well if people have legal or mental health issues. We have a lot of working relationships with campus departments that allow us to quickly get people answers in emergency situations. So that’s just a little bit of what we do.

This is all really important because we’re a resource not only for the university, but for Champaign-Urbana and a lot of Central Illinois. We get calls from people in other places, like Danville, and other universities asking for help with thigns or just asking where our events are being held. So we’re working to help a lot of different people.

A lot of students who struggled with their identities and discrimination have been able to find a better understanding of themselves and their community as well as find a real sense comradery and family with the people who the meet here and sometimes that gives them the strength to make a lot of impact and different in the community and hopefully beyond Champaign-Urbana.

I hope that explains better what “The Office” (as we call it) is. I think it’s really important for people to understand what all we do because we’re much more than just the place were the dykes, fags, and fems hang out. There are a lot of great people there and I’m really glad that I’ve been able to give back to the center after graduation because it made a big impact on my time here.