When it comes to swallowing, I’m not a big fan. Actually, when it comes to oral sex at all, I actually view it as more of an appetizer before the main course. Oral sex has never been something I lusted after, but I know there are guys out there who prefer this to anal/vaginal sex. Why anyone would rather get a blowjob is something I won’t even pretend to understand, but they’re out there.

There is, however, one aspect of blowjobs that I find particularly interesting: swallowing. Over the past few days I decided to ask my friends and co-workers their feelings on the subject.

More often than not, the straight guys I talked to were big fans of girls who swallow. There were several reasons for this, and the one that came up the most was cleanliness. Apparently it’s fine to get sweaty and gross with another naked person, but when it comes to cum, they’d much rather have a proper place to dispense of the substance instead of on their own stomachs and chests. That, to them, is much too messy. However, of all the porn I have seen (and I’ve seen quite a bit) blowjobs tend to end with splatter all over the blowjob giver’s face. This turns us on! We see the completed act all over the guy/girl’s face and that turns us on, yet in the bedroom straight guys would rather not see it.

Another popular reason for liking a girl who swallows was that it “really completes it.” It’s an insult not to swallow, saying, “Yeah, I’ll go down on you, and I’ve already got your spunk between my teeth, but to swallow this would require much more of an effort that I don’t have.” Spitting it out into a cup, sink, or trash can is downright rude.

The best reason (in my opinion) for swallowing actually came from a girl. She pointed out that the act of swallowing is one final muscular contraction that happens while still encompassing the penis. This final muscular movement is what really differentiates a blowjob from masturbation or a handjob, and it really makes the orgasm feel that much better.

When it comes to performing the act of swallowing, there were a few men and women I talked to who really enjoy doing it. They see that it pleases their partner. It turns a lot of them on and they wouldn’t have it any other way. Several people mentioned that the more meat in a guy’s diet, the worse the spunk tastes. I was told that vegan semen actually tastes pretty good.

(Complete side note, one girl I work with was telling me about an episode of Howard Stern where a guy claimed he could tell if a woman was a meat eater, vegetarian, or vegan based solely on sniffing her crotch. How bitchin’ is that?)

Just about every straight male I talked to loved when girls swallow, yet nearly every straight girl I talked to was opposed to it. Though I have read many articles say that it’s demeaning to women, this wasn’t the problem the girls had with it. Basically, they really just found the taste disgusting. They don’t have a problem with giving a blowjob, but swallowing isn’t going to be their main goal. But, like I said, there were some girls who did think of it as a turn on, so if you really need a girl that swallows, don’t worry, there are those out there that enjoy it.

Then there were the gay guys. A few told me they enjoy when their partner swallows, but it definitely has to be on their own accord (in other words, they’ll never ask for it, but they’ll gladly accept it). One of my friends was telling me that he is very similar to me in that he views it as a form of foreplay instead of the main event. This isn’t to say that there aren’t occasions where he won’t give a blowjob start to finish, but he’d really rather just fuck.

I’m interested in how you feel about swallowing, so please leave a comment telling me your opinion. Do you swallow? Does it turn you on to do it? To have it done to you? Is there a way to make it more tolerable? (Have you ever had someone given you a blowjob while they have ice in their mouth? Damn that feels crazy, doesn’t it?)

And bisexuals, if you’re out there reading this, who would you rather go down on, a guy or a girl? I have to know!

I know you’ve been bombarded with tons of parodies of NOM NOM NOM since its release, but this one is fantastic. And Ari, your favorite frat boy extraordinaire, is the guy who showed it to me.

The video has that hot guy from Sex and the City, that funny chick from Best in Show and Role Models, Georgeo Takei (!), and my absolute favorite: Alicia Silverstone. Alicia: the chick I used to fantasize about when I first saw Batman & Robin, who won my heart in Clueless, and who allowed me to waste time during high school with episodes of that cartoon Braceface. She is magnificent.

I first heard of Bent at the Holocaust Museum in D.C. I was in the gift shop and was excited to see that there was a holocaust movie about people who were sporting those little pink triangles.

The Armory Free Theatre is putting on 3 performances of the show next weekend. If you like gay people, love stories, people who wear glasses, or the Holocaust, I highly recommend checking it out next weekend.

Bent by Martin Sherman

FEATURING:
ANTHONY BIANCO * JAKE SZCZEPANIAK * DAMIR KONJICIJA * RON THOMAS * CHRIS BLIM * GARY AMBLER * DANNY MCEVILLY * JUSTIN GORDON * NEALA BARRON * NICO BROWN * ETHAN GARDNER * JACLYN HOLTZMAN * VOLEN ILIEV * ROBERT MONTGOMERY * KELLY PARKER *.JOSEPH RAMSKI * MARTY SCANLON *

PERFORMS

Thursday, April 23 @ 730 EDIT: 800, Secondly, seats for Thursday are by RESERVATION ONLY. Email Ari Wartell at ariwartell@gmail.com to reserve seats and please provide names of those attending.

Friday, April 24 @ 730
Saturday, April 25 @ 730

At the Armory Free Theatre

Special Instructions: Please enter on the North side of the Armory at 6th St. and Armory

The Day of Silence is coming up this Friday, April 17th. Most of you are probably aware that this is a day in which homos are silent throughout the entire day in order to represent the silence that is forced on the LGBT community.

I have a problem with this. When I first started participating in the Day of Silence, I was in high school. In high school, one generally sees a majority of the same people throughout the day. People notice when you’re being silent and they try to figure out why. You hand them a little card that explains how queers are silenced across America and by being quiet you are making a statement.

Here are my issues in no particular order:

The University of Illinois has around 40,000 students. When I participated my freshman year, I was in classrooms with well over 70 students per classroom. No one noticed that I wasn’t speaking, nor did they care as to why.

Universities such as this one have many organizations that do give LGBT students a voice. There’s Q at Allen Hall, Ladies Loving Ladies, Greek Allies, Asian American LGBT Allies, the Lunchtime Dicsussion Series at the Office, the Office itself!, Coffeehouse at Etc., and so on. Day of Silence is usually used to make others aware that LGBT actually exists within a school, but it’s fairly obvious that the U of I is aware we exist. If we want to spread the message about gays being just like everyone else, we should be telling people who do not already know this.

Another problem is that the gays I see participating are not actually silent. They still communicate by writing their thoughts down on paper or by sending text messages. This is not silence! This is finding ways around actually doing something.

If you want people to notice you, just be yourself. Hold your girlfriend’s hand while you walk to class. Kiss your boyfriend goodbye before you go into Foellinger to listen to yet another mundane lecture on statistics. Better yet, do these things in places where you know people might not actually be comfortable with you, like in C.O.’s or at Station. Sure, you have guts to be quiet for a day, but do you have guts to actually show the rest of the community who you are?

Oh, and of course, there’s this bullshit:

Seriously?

If you can convince me that participating in the Day of Silence at U of I actually is effective, please comment and tell me what I failed to notice. Maybe you’ll get me to be silent on Friday.

**

On another note, my friend James wanted me to give a shout out to all of you minorities out there who are interested in the Intellectual Property field of law. Apparently there’s going to be a sexy cool meeting this coming Saturday.

Saturday April 18,10am–2pm

Learn what Law School and Intellectual Property Law is Really Like!

This is what the flier says but I couldn’t figure out how to get the flier onto the217:

All women and minority UNDERGRADS studying any field of science
or engineering are invited to attend

INTERESTED?
Please contact Amy Rios (real law student) at amyrios@law.uiuc.edu if
you want to participate or if you have ANY questions! RSVP by April 16, 2009.

Then there’s some extra info:

This event will take place at the University of Illinois College of Law.
While it seeks to target underrepresented minorities who can feed into
the Intellectual Property field of law, the event welcomes all who are
interested in pursuing a legal degree and career. There will be food,
friendly faces, some fun activities (yes, lawyers do that sometimes),
and invaluable information. Do not miss out on such a great opportunity
to learn about the law so holistically in one fell swoop. RSVP with the
contact on the flyer today (amyrios@law.uiuc.edu), and especially by
April 16th!

If you’re interested in a copy of the schedule, contact me at withtongue@gmail.com or, better yet, contact Amy: amyrios@law.uiuc.edu

While I hope you guys enjoyed the Frat Boy Diaries, it’s actually been a while since I’ve actually written anything and I’m getting kind of antsy to talk about my sex life again. So, with Studio 54 night coming up next weekend at C St., I feel it’s my duty to tell you about my first time.

I was 17 years old. I came down to U of I to visit my friends Mary and Ryan, two people I had known since high school and ended up here in Champaign. This was the second university I had ever visited (if you can count DePaul as a university) and I was so intrigued by foreign concepts such as “late night” in the dining halls and Corn Pops that came in weird little bowls with aluminum foil lids. As far as I was concerned, college was sexy.

My friend Mary was going to be in a play where she played a sexy seductress wearing bunny ears, so while she was getting ready for her show I hung out with Ryan and met some of his friends, one of them being a boy named Brian.

Brian, I’ll have you know, was incredibly charming. He had spiky blonde hair (don’t they all?) and blue eyes and fuck, we were going to the Cracker Barrel. Brian, Ryan, and I had a charming dinner full of green beans, rocking chairs, and those little puzzles made out of bent nails. College is so fucking sexy.

Apparently later that evening a bunch of Ryan’s friends (homosexuals at that!) would be going to this bar called C St., a gay bar here in town. I don’t know how it happened, but while I was at Mary’s show getting incredibly turned on, Brian and Ryan managed to get me an ID. I would be joining them for Studio 54 Night at Chester Street Bar, a moment that would go down in history as My First Time At A Gay Bar.

I had seen gay bars before. I mean, come on now, I had cable. Having managed to watch 1 or 2 episodes of Queer As Folk, I envisioned all gay bars as being giant factories full of scantily clad men wearing nothing but body oil and glitter. Oddly enough, C St. on Studio 54 Night is exactly this.

I was nervous that the doorman would catch my fake ID, but somehow I managed to get in. I slowly entered the bar, afraid that I would immediately be seen as jailbait. After all, I was wearing braces, and nothing is sexier to a 50-year-old man than braces.

I looked around the dance floor. Gay people were everywhere. It was almost terrifying. They were all grinding on each other and drinking and having fun. Some of them were incredibly sexy and others were the exact opposite. Drag queens were let out of their cages and up in the rafters was someone dressed as a zebra. A fucking zebra.

I didn’t drink that night. I really didn’t need to. The feeling the crowd was giving off was like ecstasy to a suburban kid who really needed to get out of the house more. I hung out with Ryan’s friends, one of them was this guy, yet another tall blonde guy who spoke German and is to this day one of the most charming people I know. I may only think that because when he talks philosophy he waxes poetic. It’s fantastic.

Most of the night, however, belonged to Brian. Brian promised to keep me safe from the hoards of looming queers by dancing with me all night long. He did this thing where he would slide his pelvis down my legs and then sort of bounce back up. My jeans as tight as they were, I needed to back off from the dancing every once in a while. Not only was I afraid of him finding out how turned on I was, but think of the dangers of chaffing!

I was ecstatic. It had been one of the happiest nights I had had in a while, and to think in retrospect that it happened at C St! But the night wasn’t over yet. No, when the lights went up on the bar everyone emptied into the streets. No one wanted the party to end so a couple people got their cars and blasted their bass. These beautiful black drag queens were dancing in the street and all of a sudden some guys in a truck drove by shouting, “You fucking faggots!”

Those drag queens could run. They chased that truck screaming at the top of their lungs. Their party would not be ruined on the account of some local hicks who have nothing better to do than drive by a gay bar at 2:30 in the morning.

They continued dancing but our group was hungry, so we drove out to one of the Steak N Shakes here in town. There’s like 5 of them so I can’t remember which one it was, but the place was empty except for us and a group of big guys at the table behind us. We had been there for a while, killing the night, and when we finally went to pay the guys at the table behind us saw the waitress busy with us and dashed out the door for their cars. There was screaming and before I realized what was going on there were cops surrounding the Steak N Shake. All because some guys stole a few burgers and some strawberry shakes.

This place was fucking awesome.

Now I live here. Suffice it to say, not every night in Champaign-Urbana is a Studio 54 Night. Now I spend most of my time reading books about dead people and writing papers about their lives. I have since learned that there are plenty of different gay bars around the world. One of my favorites thus far was in a basement off the streets of Vienna in a club called Viper Room. Imagine a gay club, if you will, filled with smoke because laws against it don’t exist. Imagine music more along the lines of punk rather than Britney, and dancing more along the lines of moshing rather than bringing your milkshake to the yard.

What I’m getting at is that there are gay clubs out there for all of us, whether we’re bears or twinks or punks or BDSM fans (which reminds me, I still need to get to that club Sling). In the meantime, all we have is C St., and next weekend is the absolute best night of the year to go. So even if you want to see this entire entry as an ad for the event, so be it! Just go. And hopefully I’ll see you there.

Alright y’all, if you liked The Frat Boy Diaries and want to get involved with some Greek life intermingling, you should check out their upcoming info night on April 21st.

Their flier:

Greek Allies is re-organizing for next year and you can be involved!

Any questions?
E-mail lindley2@illinois.edu
Or visit our page at illinigreeks.com!

The facebook event can be found here.

Last, but certainly not least, is Ari, a guy I met my freshman year. When I met him he was drinking out of a glass in the shape of a boot. Ari graduated with a political science degree in 2007 and currently attends a highly ranked law school. He was out of the closet while at UIUC, but that wasn’t always the case. When he rushed and pledged he was in the closet, but after initiation he came out to two of his friends who were in his pledge class, but no one else.

“That was the start I guess. After that, the same year, some other good, but not as close friends found out. And I eventually told my “big bro.” At that point, I was still pretty insistent that everyone that knew kept quiet. A couple other people found out by comments made by people that knew who didn’t think before making them, but overall it was pretty contained. Then, in my junior year, I was away for a semester. Apparently, while I was away, someone started talking and apparently the news spread throughout the house. I found out through my good friends that it was essentially common knowledge at that point. So after that, it didn’t really matter anymore, since it was such common knowledge that eventually even pledges would find out sooner or later. I just stopped worrying because there was nothing I could do about it. That’s how it all unfolded.”

After coming out (or being outed), no one really talked to Ari about it unless they were trying to show him their support. According to Ari, “It was pretty much business as usual.”

When asked whether or not it’s safe to be out while pledging, Ari said, “Personally, I like people to get a solid impression of me without being shaded or tinted by my sexuality. Like it or not, there are a lot of immediate assumptions that people sometimes make when they meet someone knowing that they are gay. Sometimes they aren’t even conscious assumptions; they can be socially ingrained things that don’t even come to mind. So, I really prefer people to get to know me, and become friends with me, on my own merits - not to mention the fact that it really isn’t the business of people who aren’t my friends. I don’t go around introducing myself to people and throwing in other pieces of extremely person information either. Then, when they know me well, chances are they see me no differently when they find out that I’m gay. And that’s how it should be - not a big deal. That being said, my house has, since the time that I came out/was outted, has had a couple of more members come out of the closet, and has rushed around 3 or maybe 4 openly gay guys.”

Okay. Fuck this. I have a shit ton of homework to do before Spring Break is over, this, too, will be Q&A format.

W.T.: Why did you join a frat in the first place?

Ari: I didn’t set out to join a frat, I actually was planning on not joining a frat - partially because I didn’t think it was for me, and partially because my parents had threatened to kill me if I joined one. However, my cousin was friends with a couple guys in the house, and she took me to one of their parties which I didn’t know at that time was a rush party. I was also good friends with a number of people on my floor at the dorms, and going to rush parties was thing to do on the weekends for the first month of school. So I went to the parties, and drank the houses’ beer, and had myself a good time. After one of my classes, the guy sitting next to me leaned over and started talking to me. Apparently, he was the rush chair of the house that I ended up joining.

W.T.: And then passionately made love to you?

Ari: He invited me to come over to the house, play basketball, hang out with the guys. So I thought sure, what the hell. That friday night, I went to one of their parties, and mind you, in my head I wasn’t “rushing,” I was just there to go to parties and have a good time. And the rush chair pulls me aside into a room and gives me the bid speech. I was floored, because I never saw it coming. They all cheered me on while I signed the bid card, and I proceeded to get even more plastered.

W.T.: Were you able to have any relationships?

Ari: Well, I was in a long-distance relationship at the beginning of my freshman year, which ended my second semester of freshman year but it was long-distance, so a little less difficult to hide. I was in a relationship my sophmore year as well.

W.T.: And you hid it?

Ari: Yes, and actually that ended up being the catalyst for me telling a few more friends. When it was ending, I was bummed and having a little bit of a rough time but I really didn’t have anyone immediately surrounding me to talk to. Eventually one of my best friends noticed that things were a bit off, and asked me what was going on and that’s when I told him. I needed to talk to someone about it. Mind you, I probably spent at least 2-3 hours 5-6x a week hanging out in this guy’s room. We were very close friends which made it simultaneously easier and harder. Easier in that I was confident that we were good enough friends that he wouldn’t really care, and that I thought I knew his personal leanings enough to know that he would take it well. Harder in two ways: 1) The risk was greater. While I knew it was unlikely, I could have lost one of my best friends had I been wrong. 2) I almost felt a little bad that I had hidden this from such a good friend for a significant period of time.

W.T.: You frat boys are always so damn adorable. Now, did you ever just fool around with guys while in the closet? Or flirt? Such as hit on a guy at a party? Or end up messing around with someone?

Ari: I had a strict no developing any attraction to guys in the house rule. I did fool around with guys while I was closeted, yes. And let me modify that firt statement as well. It wasn’t that I had to hold myself back from being attracted to guys in the house - I just wasn’t. It would have been too weird - these were my friends, my frat brothers…I just didn’t think about that like them. It’s interesting, because people always ask when they find out I was in a frat if I fooled around with other guys in the house and I always thought that was a bit preposterous.

W.T.: You said you did hook up with guys? How would you go about that?

Ari: Usually, the interwebs. Craigslist only really came into its own by around senior year. gay.com was also a popular method amongst the closeted and also, the infamous manhunt. I’d go to their place. Once or twice I had guys come to the house, but only when I was sure it was late enough that nobody was up and my roommate had to be out of town or at his girlfriend’s place.

W.T.: Do you think it’s physically safe to be out in a frat?

Ari: Again, I think that depends on the house. I never feared for my physical safety, but then again, I probably could have beaten the crap out of half my house. But in my house at least, there was never any thought that even crossed my mind regarding a physical confrontation. I’ve seen a couple gay guys dancing at frat parties. I think making out might be a little more iffy, not in that someone would physically harm anyone but more that some people just wouldn’t like the in your face-ness of it.

W.T.: Is homosexuality ever discussed seriously in the frat? Not necessarily as a huge group but among maybe 2 or 3 guys?

Ari: Yea I’ve heard conversations about it before I came out. I remember a couple isntances of people discussing it. It usually was to the tune of it might be a little weird at first, but in the end who really cares. Once I heard someone say it would be very strange and uncomfortable because of the communal shower arrangement and the other couple people present proceeded to tell him how stupid that was.

W.T.: Would you say those conversations made you more comfortable with eventually coming out? Less comfortable? Not even significant?

Ari: More comfortable eventually. You still could never be sure how people would ultimately react, but they went a ways in making me feel like it wouldn’t be a huge deal. Mostly I just thought “man, if they only knew…I would love to see their reactions if I dropped the bomb on them right now.”

W.T.: Have you heard of Greek Allies?

Ari: Yea, actually one of my friends’ sisters started it and they came to our house. It was viewed as kind of a waste of time and annoying, but not for the reason you might think. At that point we already had 3-4 openly gay members in the house, so the guys didn’t really feel like we needed a lesson in being accepting or supportive. It was kind of “old hat” to us. We had all gone through having someone in the house that we knew come out, whether to us specifically, or to the house as a whole. We didn’t really need to be trained on how to respond if it happened again. I suppose that’s a pretty encouraging reason for viewing the program as a pain in the ass, huh?

W.T.: If you were to give advice to guys in the closet who are in frats, what would it be?

Ari: First off, if you want to hook up with dudes, just do it. But when you’re doing so, you really don’t need to be the most paranoid person in the world - trust me, the last thing that’s on the other guy’s mind is outing you to the rest of campus - people just don’t do that. It’s not like you’re going to walk down the street and the guy is going to walk up and make out with you, or point you out and yell “that guy loves the cock” at the top of his lungs. So chill out and have fun.

Also, it’s understandable if you don’t want to be out to the house. But I guarantee, you can find one or two of your really good friends who probably lean toward the left and would not have any problems with it. Confide in them, so long as you’re sure you can trust them. It really helps to have someone you can talk to about things. And eventually, if you decide that you want to come out to the whole house, it helps to have even 2 people, or even better a group, of guys who have your back and can shut up the few morons who might decide they have a problem with it.

W.T.: Is there anything you think is important and should be in the article? What do you want U of I to know about frats in relation to sexuality, misconceptions you want to correct or anything like that?

Ari: Every house has at least one homo. If you think your house is any different, you are wrong. That person may be your best friend, and guess what, he’s probably never made a pass at you. Having a gay frat brother is no different than having a gay friend who lives 2 miles away - just because you live together in close quarters doesn’t mean that he’s going to want to jump your bones. Take a second and think about it: is it really that big a deal that you would consider throwing away a close friend, or stopping yourself from becoming the friend of someone who could have a major impact on your life? They’re the same as you, and they will never hook up with your girlfriend behind your back. So consider yourself lucky.

-fin-

That’s all she wrote, boys. I hope you’ve been able to get something out of these interviews. I had a lot of fun interviewing these guys so even if you didn’t learn anything, just take pleasure in the fact that they made ME happy.

Now, on to our next round of business. The idea for my next set of interviews was given to me by my buddy Ryan Barrett. What I want to do is interview people who are both in the LGBT community and the disabled community. I don’t know if the term “disabled” is offensive or not, but I’m assuming it’s not since it’s the term they use here. If you are interested or know of anyone who might be interested, please contact me at withtongue@gmail.com. I may not be able to hash these out til after the summer but I would really like to start learning as soon as possible.

Thanks for your help, yo!

Go Sox!

So we got gay marriage in Iowa and Vermont. This is exciting, but guys, we really need to calm it down. Apparently all of our excitement is causing a storm to be a brewin’. A gay storm. And it’s not one filled with rainbows, but with disaster for heterosexual families across the nation.

Shame on you, homosexuals. You caused these poor actors to stand in front of a green screen and pretend they’re from places like Massachusetts and California (the lowliest of states!). What’s more, the ad campaign is costing this organization $1.5 million. Think of how many heterosexual marriages could be using that money for cake and bachelorette parties in Boys’ Town! I hope you hang your head in shame, homosexuals. This is despicable.

Our next guest is Peter, a former U of I student who graduated with a degree in English. Like our friend Parker, Peter was fairly talkative so we’ll go with a Q&A format again. And as a quick note, the guys got to choose their own aliases, so the whole Peter Parker thing was definitely not my own doing, but god damn do I find it hilarious.

W.T. Can you tell me about your experience when you rushed?

Peter: Coming from out of state I knew nobody, my roommate and I both rushed freshman year. I was looking for a home away from home and was in leadership positions in HS and wanted to do something similar. I wasn’t out when I rushed.
I’m fairly butch so it’s not immediately obvious that I’m gay. I have to make mention of it. Both of the houses I was given bids by had gays in their ranks but I chose the house I thought I would thrive in.

W.T.: When you rushed you weren’t out. Is there a reason for that?

Peter: I wasn’t out to my roommate. He was quite closed-minded.

W.T.: So it was more of keeping your dorm situation in check rather than hiding it from the frat.

Peter: Correct. In November I came out to my pledge brothers.

W.T.: How’d that work out?

Peter: Fine, never any criticism to my face or behind my back that I know of. I would say that I’m a natural leader and charismatic so that helped my situation.

W.T.: So after just 2 or 3 months you were already out?

Peter: Yea, and when drunk, I told a female friend of one of the actives so they all knew I was gay before I initiated.

W.T.: Would you say there are certain frats where it isn’t safe to be out?

Peter: Yes, definitely. Well as a guest I don’t think a gay guy has anything to worry about at any frat on campus. I definitely think in some frats it’d be very difficult to be out. I’ve had acquaintances who are in other frats who told me it simply wasn’t a possibility

W.T.: So you know some other gay guys who were in the closet, then?

Peter: Yes, Craigslist is wonderful.

W.T.: Can you tell me about any hookups you’ve had with in the closet frat guys? How they went down, etc.

Peter: Well one time on Craigslist I ended up finding a guy who lived in the frat across the street from mine. He wasn’t out at all. We arranged that he would come over once everybody in my house was in their room so I could sneak him up the side stairs.

W.T.: Why couldn’t you guys just lie and say something like, “We’re gonna go get high?”

Peter: Most closet frat boys are really paranoid. Since I was out he didn’t want them to automatically know that I was taking him upstairs to fuck him. I didn’t make all my sexual activities known, but my closest brothers and I had a contest my last year living in the house seeing who could get the most. I really didn’t have to hide anything and there were frat boys and GDIs who liked to be paraded past people hanging out while taking them upstairs.

W.T.: GDIs?

Peter: God damn independents.

W.T.: After these hookups you just went back to normal life? Or did any of them ever turn into friendships or anything?

Peter: Some of them did. I have a strong personality, so either there’s chemistry beyond the fuck or there isn’t.

W.T.: So why were you out?

Peter: Well I realized at the start of puberty I was gay. I was in the closet all through high school and I was too nervous to “hook up.” No guys I was interested in in my high school so when I decided to go to school out of state I felt that I should take the opportunity to be me. Since I had no ties from high school to hold me or to worry about. I’m not one of those “bi” or “curious” guys. I’ve never have been with a woman past making out.

W.T.: So you define yourself as gay? Or do you not believe in labels either? That tends to be a common theme with you guys.

Peter: Yes. Gay. And yea I know, its because they’re afraid of everything that “gay” means. But I like to buck the trend. Lots of straight guys have said “Wow, you’re definitely not what I think of, when I hear ‘gay.’” There is one of those “don’t believe in labels” guys who is active in my frat now and he is a total mess.

W.T.: Would you say there were differences between in the closet frat guys vs. out frat guys?

Peter: No there definitely is a difference. He clung to me from the start. He would get drunk and cry to me, tell me he wishes he could be like me. There are lots of self image issues and trying to be hetero-normative. When he saw that to any outsider I was “straight” but able to be confident in my identity and not ashamed to bring my bf to a party I think he realized that hiding it and putting on a straight facade was not going to be fun.

W.T.: Do you think that if more gay guys were out in frats, that anyone would benefit?

Peter: Well I think if the guys don’t fit homosexual stereotypes and they are out there is a benefit to all. I don’t think frats need to go out and recruit flamboyant gays though. I guess you also have to consider that there are guys who have sex with guys, but aren’t and will never identify as gay or even be in a relationship with a guy.

W.T.: What advice would you give to the guys who are in the closet in frats?

Peter: Don’t put on anymore of a show if necessary and don’t participate in homo bashing. Eventually the way you talk about others will start to affect how you feel about yourself.

W.T.: Who would you recommend frat life for?

Peter: I think that the U of I provides a fraternity that can positively affect anybody’s time on campus and it’s up to the guy to know what is good for him. And to also know which fraternities would be bad for mental well being. There’s something for everybody; I mean to say. Also, instead of looking for a fraternity that can become your identity you should find one that compliments your identity. The transition after college for the super-closeted can be very difficult and nobody wants to end up married to a woman fucking men in the bathhouse.

W.T.: Would you say that frats get a bad rep when it comes to things like sexuality?

Peter: To some extent, though some of it is deserved. I think if anything, my promiscuity was judged more by gays. There were guys in my house genuinely jealous of the ease with which I was able to arrange what I wanted. The competition of who would get more action was won by me. One of my closest brothers once even asked me to find a guy to come over and blow us both, since he couldn’t get a girl over. He was of course absolutely shit-faced drunk.

W.T.: Did you do it?

Peter: Yes. Hot experience. We never talked about it after. It’s not like I sucked his dick, though I would have. Because he is my brother, I arranged what he asked for and didn’t hold it over his head after or tell anybody else.

W.T.: That’s almost adorable.

And that, gentlemen, concluded the conversation. There’s only one more after this one, so hopefully you’ve been able to take something away from these.

Of course, not all gay guys in frats are out of the closet. Next came Joe, a sophomore in psychology who has been in his frat since last year. Joe is bisexual and is in the closet, saying that he does not feel the need to let everyone know about his sexuality because he does not flaunt his attraction to either of the sexes, but he is willing to tell someone if they were to ask.

“I feel that I may be losing opportunities. However, I also feel that I will not be judged, discriminated, or made fun of if I stay closeted. It’s not like I can go up to any guy in most bars even if I’m openly gay.”

One of the standard questions I asked the guys was if they thought it would be safe to be out of the closet in a frat. Joe told me, “I think I would be safe to be out in my frat but I’m only assuming. I do not fully know my brothers that well.”

Unlike some of the other closeted guys I interviewed, Joe has had actual relationships with other guys. He told me that it’s easier to keep these things under wraps since he’s not living in the house this year.

I asked Joe his sentiments for programs such as Greek Allies, an organization that self-identifies as “an initiative on campus focusing on developing more cohesive relationships within chapters of fraternity and sorority organizations” with the aim of “eliminating the pressures and constraints placed upon gay, lesbian, and bisexuals who are also members of the Greek community.” You can find more information about them here. I assumed the answer would be something along the lines of “it’s more of a punishment and everyone hates these things” or “yeah they’re helpful,” the reality of the situation was that Joe hadn’t even heard of them. His actual response: “The opportunity has not been given.”

Not very talkative on the subject, Joe only had two more things to say. The first being that in terms of whether or not gays are accepted on campus, “They are accepted but they are not respected.”

And should gay guys bother rushing a frat?

“I would not recommend very fem gays to rush. They will be made fun of. They will be considered as outcasts.”

**

The next on the list is Cole, a senior in business who has been a member of his frat for all 4 years at U of I. He rushed his frat for the social aspects, and while he says being gay in a frat puts you in no physical danger, it does put your social life in danger.

Cole is bisexual, and when asked why he decided to stay closeted he told me that he wants to get married to a girl one day. It seems a common fear (reality?) among bisexuals that once you’re out of the closet, no girl is going to want to date or marry you. A short note on this subject, I was at work and asking my coworkers, all of which are straight, whether or not they would date someone if they knew this person had sex with the same sex. The guys were very open to this, saying that not only would they be fine with dating a woman who has had sex with other women, but several of them would be okay with letting their girlfriend or wife continue having sex with women even while they are together. When it came to the women, though, they were very adamant about not wanting to date a guy who has ever taken it up the ass. Unfortunately I did not get to ask any gay guys or women about their feelings for dating bisexuals, so please, comment and tell me how you feel!

Moving on. I asked Cole what common features would be for a hookup between him and another guy. He, like many of the other guys I interviewed, told me that his hookups have always been discrete, took place with masculine guys, and more often than not involved alcohol to the point of drunkenness. He has hooked up with 10 guys in his time at U of I, usually using Craigslist to meet them. To keep everything discreet he creates fake email accounts and never tell his hookup his real name.

When he finishes school, Cole tells me that he has no intention of ever being in a relationship with another guy. One of the benefits of being in the closet, he says, is that you can continue dating girls and get to explore with guys, “It is not a bad thing to be in the closet in a frat.”

When it comes to the general sentiment the frats have towards homosexuality, Cole told me that he never has heard conversations in his frat where homosexuality is put in a positive light. He feels that gays are generally accepted on campus, but if more guys in frats were out they would probably be a bit more accepted.

In the end, he still recommends that gay guys be willing to rush the frats, “it’s still a great way to be social.”