First and foremost, I finally decided to finish writing The Frat Boy Diaries, that little set of interviews I did back first semester with seven University of Illinois frat boys. They will be released one at a time every other day starting this coming Monday, so if you’re interested in seeing what the guys had to say, check back Monday. In the meantime, I’m going to tell you the story of my first blowjob and the nickname I got that tormented me for years.
The first time I got head I was in a forest preserve about a mile away from my house in the southwest suburbs of Chicago. I was 15 years old and was seeing a 21-year-old guy who we’ll call Pedo Pete. At the time, I thought it was perfectly rational for this 21 year old who was still living with his parents to be interested in a then-high school sophomore with dyed black hair and a mouth full of metal. I knew there must have been something wrong with the guy, but I was a horny teenager and the dude was hot. Spiky blonde hair and blue eyes like fuckin’ crystal. Gorgeous.
We were going for a walk in this forest preserve when he asked if I wanted to wander off the beaten path. I knew where this was going and I quickly agreed to follow him. The sun was shining and we found a secluded area where he started to make out with me. He pulled my pants down and had me lay down in the dirt. I started to get head for the first time, and since I was so nervous I wasn’t able to cum. I tried to give him head too, all the while trying to pick up a few tips and tricks of the trade. He didn’t cum either, and thank god for that.
On the way back to his car he mentioned the hair I had in between my ass cheeks, promptly giving me the new nickname of HAC, or Hairy Ass Crack. I was 15, I had just started becoming sexually active, and since puberty hit me so quickly, I didn’t even realize that my ass did indeed have hair on it. It was pointed out to me, I was given the name HAC by the guy I was seeing (we won’t even pretend to call it dating) and I became more self-conscious and awkward than I already was. What made it worse was how he told me I should go buy a disposable razor and bend down a certain way in the shower to get rid of all of it.
Over the years I have come to realize that most, if not all, men have hair on their ass. Some have more than others, some care, and some don’t. What I wish I could have realized about Pedo Pete was that he probably wanted me shaved so I could further fulfill his desires of having a young boy, and not that I was physically inadequate.
I have wanted to talk about body hair for a while, and after divulging this secret story to someone this morning, I decided that there’s really no better introduction to the topic than my own embarrassing story.
I did end up buying that disposable razor and crouching down exactly the way Pete had told me to. Every time I noticed hair growing back I would get down there and go at it again. Every once in a while this would result in cuts in the most horrible of places, places I would rather you just imagine on your own rather than going into detail about them.
Body hair, however, should not have been something to feel ashamed of. Hair helps us define who we are. Long hair vs. short hair, red heads vs. blondes, spiky hair vs. long flowing hair vs. a shaved head. And that’s just the hair on your head.
I feel that men are judged, heterosexual homosexual or whatever, depending on what their body hair situation is. I know a lot of gay guys who shave their chests so they can give off that smooth model-esque look. If you shave your chest, what little abdominal muscles you have are more apparent, and that’s sexy. But at the same time, your masculinity is challenged whenever you shave any part of your body other than your face. If you’re not a swimmer (and often, even if you are) and you shave your legs, a lot of guys probably look at you as though you’re some sort of pussy.
I have hairy legs, too. A few friends of mine kept bringing up how hairy they were and would not be satisfied until I let them trim them. There’s video footage out there, and it’s not pretty (but go ahead and look for it on YouTube).
The world of fashion is interesting when it comes to body hair. I have a GQ open on my lap right now and the ads with shirtless men for Armani Exhange show a guy with an impossibly bare chest and ass. In the ad a girl has her hand reaching over the fly and into his shorts, and I’m really wondering what clothing they’re possibly trying to sell. I can’t find a downloadable version of the ad and I’m not taking the time to scan, but you can find the pic here.
However, mere pages later, there’s an ad for a cologne by Diesel with a fairly hairy dude with an open shirt. The ad reads “Fuel For Life,” which I assume means you can wear the cologne both at work or whilst having sex. Then, in an ad for Armani underwear, David Beckham sports both a sock-like package as well as a hairy chest.
So does this mean that when you’re younger and still wearing Armani Exchange you should be hairless, but when you’re six years older and wearing “actual” Armani you are an adult and therefore allowed to have hair?
I like UFC a lot, and lately I’ve noticed that most of the guys fighting are sporting bare chests. This is more likely than not so that the other fighters don’t have something to grab on to while they’re kicking your ass, not just for aesthetic appeal.
What I find most interesting about the question of body hair is that while gay men do care a bit, it seems that straight women care the most about whether or not a guy has a shaved chest or not. When asking my usual gang of friends whether or not they care if a guy shaves, it’s usually the straight women who have the strongest opinion, and more often than not it is in favor of keeping the chest hair, saying that shaving is emasculating. These women, of course, are big fans of keeping their own body hair in check. There are special razors made for women so that they can easily make little designs in their pubic hair to please their partner. I know women who have shaved stars, squares, circles (showoffs), and even the symbol for Pi. There are products created specifically for shaving certain areas! Have you ever heard of Coochy by Pure Romance? Apparently it’s the best stuff out there.
When it comes to body hair, I’ve tried to find a happy medium. Unless I’m dressing up as a cartoon character for Halloween, my chest is never going to be completely bare. Our bodies grow hair for a reason. I guess it’s probably to keep us warm or something, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s natural and therefore acceptable, yet at the same time I’m grossed out whenever I see girls with hairy underarms running around Urbana.
What I’ve concluded is that we as Americans have defined what it physically means to be a man and what it physically means to be a woman. We try to break out of these rules by saying that both can be sexy, yet ultimately deep down we know how a man is supposed to look and how a woman is supposed to look. This even goes for transsexuals like Buck Angel, you know? He could have stayed in his female-gendered body and just call himself a man, but he wanted to look like how we as a society define what a man should look like. So, my question in the end i should we really be that pissed about calling a spade a spade?
Liam Reed: 1987 model, runs fairly well, few dents, starts in cold weather, no baggage, loves flea markets and canned soup. Send all hate mail, love mail, and sexual advances to withtongue@gmail.com
Comments
Lana (Lana) says:
(Posted March 29th, 2009 at 1:22 am)
I would rather a man with hair, not because it is emasculating to shave, but because I think its refreshing when a person is comfortable with how/who they are.
Liamz (Liamz) says:
(Posted March 29th, 2009 at 2:21 am)
But why can’t a guy who shaves be a part of who he is? And what’s the deal with women, then?
Alex Crumbsnatcher (Alex Crumbsnatcher) says:
(Posted March 29th, 2009 at 5:22 am)
umm.. the first part of that was fucking hilarious. HAC! Pedo Pete! Hahahahaha! Only because i know who you are talking about and whenever i would ask you for details you would get nervous and weird about it though.
However, as far as body hair goes, first and foremost, no one has any right to tell you what you should do with your body, and if you are eating foods that give you nutrients and keeping yourself healthy, whether you turn out fat, skinny, hairy, or whatever, that is exactly right and perfect for you, and whoever tells you different has some internal issues they need to work on.
as far as personal preference, i’m not grossed out by hair at all, but i prefer shaven men, just because i like to do alot of kissing and licking, and don’t like to get a lot of hair in my mouth and between my teeth. also, shaving your hair gives more space for skin on skin contact and can make you sex more pleasurable because you don’t have a layer of fur between someone’s body and your nerves.
also, i don’t like to have butt hair because i’m nervous that dingleberries will get caught in it and i never feel totally clean, but it has kept a couple wet farts from ruining my underwear when i’ve been too lazy to shave.
just thought you should know that.
Alex Crumbsnatcher (Alex Crumbsnatcher) says:
(Posted March 29th, 2009 at 5:27 am)
also, i just read the conversation here that’s happening in the comments. i would go so far as to say that more than 80 percent of americans don’t base their decisions on who they are, but on who they want to portray out of the limited stereotypical options that our culture gives them.
i think that shaving vs. not shaving has become largely just playing the role that you think suits you best or is more respectable and has nothing do with what most american’s actual preference is.
annddd i think that girls with armpit hair are cute as fuck, and guys with armpit hair look like they have a dead muppet in a headlock. i guess that’s cute too though.
also, body odor turns me on, but only when it’s pit hair odor and not butt odor.
Alex Crumbsnatcher (Alex Crumbsnatcher) says:
(Posted March 29th, 2009 at 5:30 am)
also, i can’t believe that i put an apostrophe in the word “americans” when it was not used in the posessive tense. i am sure that i have made many more grammatical errors in my comments tonight, because i have just arrived home from a birthday party, and am a bit drunk. i stand by everything i said, but do not stand by my grammar or punction. i apologize to all who have suffered through my poor english.
Phil (Phil) says:
(Posted March 29th, 2009 at 6:45 am)
Amerzing, Liam! Love it! I agree. Hair is hair. I’m not turned on or off by it. However, I do have to agree with drunk Alex, I’ve come to the conclusion that for my own hygiene’s sake, I do like to shave THAT oraface from time to time. Not daily. But just when it gets gangly. And THAT is what’s most important to me–not the amount of body hair on a guy, but how clean he actually is. I’m not a smells kind of guy. I get very self-conscious about my own, and I would prefer it if the entire world either smelled like peppermint, vanilla, clean linen, lavender or apple spice ALL of the time. A guy can have whatever he wants as far as hair, but its crucial that he’s careful to maintain himself to NOT be a odorous offense. Morning breath is excusable… post-gym B.O. is also excusable… but any other time, please try and be conscious about not offending. Gum’s cheap. Soap’s cheap. The YMCA has free showers. Own more than one shirt. Take care of yourself, please.
BobChuck Spreenie (BobChuck Spreenie) says:
(Posted March 29th, 2009 at 7:20 am)
Yea, I keep that shit short all over except for most of my legs. I don’t really get action all that much thou, I do prefer being clean and short for that. It’s more for comfort. I think having hairy junk banging around down there is uncomfortable. I think hairy armpits are uncomfortable rubbing back and forth. I think hairy ass is uncomfortable as well. Also the hairy part between the legs where my thighs rub together.
I first started shaving my balls and such to try and get a girl to clean herself up, I always kept it trimmed but never gone really shaved.
And I loved it.
Yea, but shaving my chest and back is just cuz I think it looks better.
Mary Z (Mary Z) says:
(Posted March 29th, 2009 at 12:35 pm)
Most importantly, if I’m in a situation where I am with a cute boy with his shirt off, hairy or hairless, I’m just happy that he showed up.
Moving on.
For me, it tends to be a matter of change of pace. For instance, if I have a stretch of time where I “interact” with mainly boys with no hair on their chests, and then I suddenly encounter a boy with lots o’ body hair, I find it really thrilling. Likewise with the opposite situation.
Tommers (Tommers) says:
(Posted March 29th, 2009 at 12:38 pm)
I usually am offended by guys who shave their chests and guys who advocate for such. It strikes me as overly modern and somewhat racist (if those two can exist simultaneously). 1. does that (shaving) mean you think I’m less attractive because I have chest hair? 2. it’s pedophilic. 3. get over yourself. 4. stubble should not exist anywhere south of the neck. 5. easy for white WASPy types to have a hairless standard, but what about Arab, Greek, Italian, Jewish, north African, Indian, or Spanish guys? Body hair is part of who I am as an Italian male. And, most importantly, 6. what’s natural on a guy is what looks best on him. Last night (TMI warning) I hooked up with a guy who was naturally hairless and I told him it was really hot. And he told me my hair was really hot. The world was a happy place. That’s how it should always be, methinks.
Derek (Derek) says:
(Posted March 29th, 2009 at 6:02 pm)
The argument for guys having body hair because it’s natural and therefore attractive seems daft and somewhat as an excuse for laziness, unless you just really want to attract people that go crazy for body hair. Proper grooming is a sign of refinement and that one is aware of appearances. Letting hair grow unkempt is just another way of avoiding putting work into appearances. You might as well let your hair on your head grow long and natty, grow a beard, dress like trailer trash, and be overbese as well. What is attractive is someone recognizing that someone else cares about what they look like and puts forth effort into being more visually appealing. I’d take a shaven adonis over a bear any day. I’m not saying that men should remove every hair from their bodies, simple trimming suffices most of the time. Guys should just be aware of what looks the best by the typical standards and work toward achieving that. They can always stop grooming if they meet a hair-lover.
COACD (COACD) says:
(Posted March 30th, 2009 at 8:18 am)
Finally, something I know about on this blog! Models are encouraged to was their chests/torsos for jobs, and composites of the “most attractive hair” are kept on file at the retouchers so that it can be added if someone with power deems it necessary in an advertisement.
Models are a canvas, and sometimes that canvas needs to be ENTIRELY blank. As for Kerry Degman’s hairless ass, that is completely fake. I’m not saying that in an I-know-because-I’ve-touched-it way, but in an I-know-because-I-know-too-much-about-models way. Kerry’s polaroids clearly feature body hair that has been taken out in post-production editing.
And as for body hair … I say keep it if you want it, get rid of it if you don’t. Just don’t shave it into a shape or letters. Not cute.
Lyndiddy (Lyndiddy) says:
(Posted March 30th, 2009 at 10:45 am)
When i was a wee youngin’ in summer camp I remember going to the pool everyday and rubbing my face along the camps counselors’ legs and feeling the little stubble. It was fantastic. lol…I don’t know what impact that has now, but I really just like for guys to feel comfortable with themselves short of making things uncomfortable. I’m not in to a lot of hair on the body, but whether a guy shaves or stays natural doesn’t really matter as long as it doesn’t impede access (which has happened before). I just want a guy to be who he wants to be just so long as I’m not picking curly hairs out of my mouth every two seconds.
I’ve also been chafed badly by guys with particularly thick and rough hair in certain places and guys with too much stubble. I was literally made to bleed once! Horrible! This article brings it all flooding back as I write. Oh god.
Liamz (Liamz) says:
(Posted March 31st, 2009 at 12:34 am)
Lyndon, I’m sorry I brought anything like “impeded access” flooding back. The same goes for being made to bleed. Jesus, you have had some adventures.
COACD, who the hell is Kerry Degman and why do you know so much about this person’s ass hair?
Derek, why must you torment the overbese?! It kind of upsets me to read, though, that you think everyone should try to conform to “typical standards.”
I would like to comment on lots of these comments, but fuck I should really be working on this paper that I put off to the very last minute. Erg. Holler.
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Liam Reed
1987 model, runs fairly well, few dents, starts in cold weather, no baggage, loves flea markets and canned soup. Send all hate mail, love mail, and sexual advances to withtongue@gmail.com
Rogue (Rogue) says:
(Posted March 28th, 2009 at 11:11 pm)
i dont understand the whole body hair issue either. my only complaint is coming up for a kiss after kissing a hairy chest, tummy, etc and having hair in my mouth. there is this guy i saw a video of on Xtube who was adorable and he was jerking off, but what i found myself more turned on by was the fact that he was hairy and clearly did not care. he was completely comfortable in his own skin and a man with confidence wins for me.
to me a smooth chest, unless natural, is just annoying…its all stubbly and its like kissing/licking sand paper and then its even more uncomfortable when you are cuddling. i just spent the last 2 nights with a man with a hairy chest and i enjoyed it much more. i wasnt a forest or anything, but i didnt have to deal with razor bumps and a scruffy chest.
i also find now that the appeal of a hairy chest is coming back…at least in the world of fashion. We are still entering this new wave of 70’s and 80’s style with bright colors, asymmetry, and ideas of revolution and free love, but with it there is also a rise in men with mustaches and hairy chests. who knows if it will stay, but either way….people shouldnt worry so much about their body hair….they waste too much time on it and they could be using that time to do something more productive.
ps….i love that as i am writing this there is an infomercial on for that “smooth away” hair removal product.