The conversation started last night around 9 PM. I had just finished watching American Pie (god I love Stiffler) with my buddy Derek. It had been a really long week full of German economic tests and tests about the history of the Bible. The Vulgate, the Septuagint, the Wycliffite Bible. These are all terms I now know and will throw around to make myself seem impressive. As I said, we indulged in American Pie when my roommate Holly McHotty came home and needed to use the bathroom.
There are two bathrooms in my room. The one upstairs, our bathroom, was currently occupied by another roomie, Delightful Daisy. Delightful Daisy was taking a shower and clearly Holly McHotty was at a loss for what to do. She decided to be brave and used the downstairs bathroom, the one that belongs to our roommate Happy Harry.
She ventured into the bathroom that she would normally never set foot in, and moments later she returned, “Guys, he doesn’t keep soap in the bathroom.”
We had had issues before where we needed to teach Happy Harry that the bathroom needed to be cleaned every so often, and now that we realized there was no soap anywhere in sight Holly McHotty became rather worried.
Now, while I must admit that there are uses for soap in a guy’s bathroom, I can ALMOST see where Happy Harry is coming from. I feel that most guys do not actually wash their hands if they’re just taking a piss. Maybe if they drop an ESPN2 (the Deuce!) there is warrant for such hand washing, but what I have come to understand from public restrooms is that guys just don’t wash their hands. I am one of them.
“WHAT?! Did you not touch your penis?!”
“No, of course I did Holly but -”
“You touched your genitals and now you’re touching everything in our house.”
Ok, yes, I understand where this may come off as gross at first, but is it really that bad? Your dick is protected (usually) not by one, but by two layers of clothing. Throughout the day you aren’t covering your face, and therefore they’re exposed to things that are much worse: dirt, dust, and worst of all, sneezes. There are so many sneezes that you could potentially be walking through and you wouldn’t even know it! Yet people make out with each other all the time and they don’t ask their partner to please wash (or at least wipe) their face before inserting tongue.
The only place where I have noticed guys washing their hands every time is at gay clubs. It’s as though they have something to prove. “Yes, sir, I wash. Now do me.”
After asking several men this question, it seems that the straight guys never wash, some gay guys do wash, and all women wash every single time. Now, whether or not they actually use soap is another matter entirely. Do you know how many people “fake” using soap? Someone ought to make a pie chart.
Liam Reed: 1987 model, runs fairly well, few dents, starts in cold weather, no baggage, loves flea markets and canned soup. Send all hate mail, love mail, and sexual advances to withtongue@gmail.com
Comments
Rogue (Rogue) says:
(Posted February 28th, 2009 at 5:00 pm)
when i am in my own home i do not normally wash. i do rinse with water, but like the post above me…unless i am pissing all over my hands…i dont use the soap. i DO wash when i am at someone elses house and or in public places though….WITH SOAP!
William (William) says:
(Posted February 28th, 2009 at 5:14 pm)
A joke someone forwarded to me during my senior year of high school, after I received my acceptance letter from my illustrious Alma Mater:
A lawyer, a CEO, and a farmer were in the men’s room. After finishing, the lawyer went to the sink and started scrubbing his hands and arms with soap, all the way up to his elbows. “I went to Harvard,” he said, “where they taught us to be thorough in everything we do.”
The CEO came to the next sink and washed his hands briskly. “I went to Stanford,” he said, “where they taught us to be quick and efficient.”
The farmer, as he walked past both of them and out the door, said, “I went to the University of Illinois, where they taught us not to piss on our hands.”
Robert Spreen (Robert Spreen) says:
(Posted February 28th, 2009 at 5:19 pm)
More often I wash before peeeing than after peeing. Will I Am is totally right, that is one of the cleanest parts of my body, don’t need to dirty it up. I do wash after a meal thou.
Collin (Collin) says:
(Posted February 28th, 2009 at 9:51 pm)
My lady friends have similar reactions when the find out I don’t always wash my hands. I’ve always said “Well, I didn’t pee all over my hands, so why do I need to wash them?”
Actually since my hands get really dirty at work I’ve taken to washing my hands before I pee because I don’t want to touch my clean beautiful penis with my nasty ass hands.
I have also noticed that if guys do “wash” they never use soap. They just wet their hands then use 98765434567890 paper towels to dry them.
good sean (good sean) says:
(Posted February 28th, 2009 at 11:32 pm)
Honestly there are more important times for washing hands. Im shocked when i see people not wash their hands before things like cooking food. Even worse is guys who don’t wash their hands immediately after working out at the gym. Those people deserve to get sick and they always do.
Ive heard that joke about the stanford and harvard people in bathroom, but ive heard it from stanford people so.
Lana (Lana) says:
(Posted March 1st, 2009 at 6:02 pm)
boys are gross
William Crunkleford (William Crunkleford) says:
(Posted March 1st, 2009 at 9:21 pm)
-
jon (jon) says:
(Posted March 2nd, 2009 at 1:51 am)
I don’t wash what with the recession and all.
Liamz (Liamz) says:
(Posted March 2nd, 2009 at 8:26 am)
I really like you people.
Timbo (Timbo) says:
(Posted March 2nd, 2009 at 9:01 am)
The wet hand paradoxes: 1) if you look for hand drying equipment before you wash, you wont. If you fail to, you’ll wash but and it will be insufficient to dry you. 2) if you come out of the bathroom with wet hands, you are gross. If you come out with dry mits you’re the tits.
Kirk (Kirk) says:
(Posted March 10th, 2009 at 2:51 pm)
its not the pee you have to worry about. See this website:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1043/why-are-men-supposed-to-wash-their-hands-after-urination
Jen (Jen) says:
(Posted July 13th, 2009 at 7:50 pm)
I’m a girl, and I don’t wash each time.
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Liam Reed
1987 model, runs fairly well, few dents, starts in cold weather, no baggage, loves flea markets and canned soup. Send all hate mail, love mail, and sexual advances to withtongue@gmail.com
T.J. (T.J.) says:
(Posted February 28th, 2009 at 2:17 pm)
I usually don’t wash my hands. If I do, it’s just with water. I mean, unless you pissed all over your hands, I don’t see why to worry all that much about it.