AC (AC) says:
(Posted February 15th, 2009 at 11:30 pm)

1) Who said that violent sex is necessarily bad? If both parties are consenting, then what’s the big deal? If they aren’t, then it’s rape; for reasons I needn’t explain, that is bad. At least for me, some of the best sex I’ve had have had what some people might consider “violent” aspects to it. We both knew what we wanted, we both agred to it, and there were limits we respected. Nothing bad about that. Don’t knock it till ya try it.

2) This might be sexist, but I’m not sure. Assuming that men gain unrealistic expectations from porn (though it might be exactly what I’m describing below instead), I think that romantic comedies are based on the perception of what people think women (because let’s face it, these movies aren’t really made to focus on what men want/expect) *already* expect in terms of romance. They may serve to perpetuate it, but I don’t know if women are really growing to expect their lives to turn out like a romantic comedy. Then again, porn may be based on the same thing. Basically, I have no idea.

3) N/A

4) I went on a tragically terrible first date on Valentine’s Day this year. It was set up by someone, and I had talked to the guy online a few times prior. First off - not as cute as advertised. Second, a little more socially awkward than advertised. Third, I think that having a first date on Valentine’s Day was an awful idea to begin with - it’s a day for people who are kind of already in the “lover” stage, and so it tends to make you feel like you should be more affectionate or whatever than normal, even though it’s only a first date. Basically, it sucked balls - I don’t recommend it.

Aaron (Aaron) says:
(Posted February 15th, 2009 at 11:41 pm)

Haha I love those too.. SO freaking good. Yummy!

1) I don’t think it’s bad if both parties are into it.

2) I’d pay to see Julia Roberts and Drew Barrymore in porn. lol. Okay no. I think in some ways it is. Certain women get inflated ideas about what to expect from these movies. Like the idea that all women are into girl on girl action, wear pearls, makeup and have long nails for use during sex.

3) N/A

4) I went to the movies with friends. A tad boring but quite nice.

5) Hmmm that could be hot.. Almost as hot as that Shamrock shake fantasy,

Rachel Storm (Rachel Storm) says:
(Posted February 15th, 2009 at 11:41 pm)

Get the mohawk. You’re adorable and it wouldn’t do anything but reinforce that fact.

Also, thanks for coming by on Friday. (Liam is a moviestar, ya’lls!)

Rogue (Rogue) says:
(Posted February 15th, 2009 at 11:45 pm)

Violent sex is not bad….i like it rough and as long as there is trust and respect its just fun. we are quick to judge because we are conditioned. we know violence is bad so when we mix it with something just as socially taboo (sex) it becomes a double whammy and it becomes a bad thing. its the same with other fetishes too.

romantic comedies…yes…they can be compared to porn and they DO give false images of love in real life. my friend and i were just talking about this when we were watching Notting Hill, but it cannot only be exclusive to romantic comedies. i did a whole paper in high school about how disney films were horrible movies to show young girls because many of them give a false representation of what a loving relationship should be. for example…beauty and the beast….Belle is quite the catch, but she gives all she can to the beast and no matter how abusive he is toward her she stays with him in hopes that he will become the handsome prince at the end. it shows girls to stick by your man even if he is a complete asshole because he might become the perfect prince for you one day. fuck that…..

V-Day….didnt REALLY celebrate it. i had just put my older dog down on friday the 13th so the following day (v-day) i was just in bed, but my friend convinced me to come out. we hung out at my rents bar, drank and chatted with others who came and joined us. we drew on the place mats and made silly v-day cards for one another. things were great and i was doing great not being sad about my dog and then we get a call and find out my friends cousin (also my friend) had just been found dead…she hung herself and was only 16….

SOOOOOOOO that lead to more sadness and drinking and that was MY V-Day. It is always something and sadly enough i am getting used to it and realizing that this is indeed my life. cant take a good day without a bad one and i def cant take a bad day without a worse one.

and mohawk….i dont really think itd be too great….i could be wrong so there is a part of me that says “YES JUST GET IT”, but i dont think ill be too crazy about it, but honestly….who cares? it will grow back if you dont like it so just get it. get it when we go get our tattoos together!

mucho lovies and hearts!
-Me-

Louis (Louis) says:
(Posted February 16th, 2009 at 12:22 am)

Should I pierce a nipple?

Jonathan (Jonathan) says:
(Posted February 16th, 2009 at 10:03 am)

Short-time reader, first-time poster.

1. I’m generally of the live and let live persuasion. As long as its consensual, etc. I have an active fantasy life, but I recognize that lots of things are hot in fantasy that I’d never be into in real life (though sharing fantasies can definitely be hot). As with everything else, open communication is key. Plus, it would be extremely boring if everyone had sex the same way.

2. I’ve always subscribed to the theory that romcoms, soaps, and other such entertainments are–at least in part–”emotional porn”*, insofar as they are focused on gratification. Dawson’s Creek is a chief example of this category.
Hero and heroine overcome constructed adversity, misunderstanding, and plenty of drama to create a perfect life together. Though in all fairness, I watch sci-fi porn for shiny things and can claim no high ground.

While I agree that movies offer everyone unrealistic images of what their lives should be like, I wonder if romantic comedies teach us how to dehumanize others in quite the same way that porn can (well, at least bad straight porn). It’s one thing to say that characters in romantic comedies are focused on their own emotional needs being met, and another to say that your partner is of value to you solely by virtue of putting out. Not saying that this is a risk any time someone watches porn, just that it’s less likely to happen when you watch When Harry Met Sally.

3. n/a.

4. I had to work, but I went to a UI band concert that evening (along with 150+ others, surprisingly). Though I agree with the person who recommended not going on a first date on Valentine’s Day, for pretty much the same reasons.

Not saying that I wouldn’t notice (or be affected by it), but if people are going to stare at two guys on a date, they’re going to do it the whole year round. So fuck ‘em. I’m there to pay attention to my guy; I’m not going on a date with everyone else.

5. We’ve never met, and I have no idea what you look like. But sure, why not? I say go for it!

Lyndiddy (Lyndiddy) says:
(Posted February 16th, 2009 at 11:22 am)

Hmmm…well guess I’ll break it down like everyone else did.

1. I definitely have crazy fantasies, though I consider myself fairly vanilla in the bedroom, just keep it simple and do it right. That’s also because I’m not fairly assertive with those kinds of things so I leave it to the other person to let me know what they want done to them. I only have a few acts that I simply must perform for my own gratification. I definitely love a good romp and I think if everyone is comfortable then smack the shit out of their ass if it makes you both happy.

2. I’m not one to dog romantic comedies. They definitely subscribe to our fantasies though. That’s not to say that it’s “unreal” though in my mind. If a guy watches porn with big titted blonds or something, it is not unreal that he might have sex with a large breasted blond woman someday. He can perform all of the same positions and she might like it just as much as that porn star faked it. Is it wrong to deny him those hopes and dreams? The same is true for romantic comedies. Maybe everyday someone doesn’t buy us flowers or show up unexpected at our doorstep to tell us they love us. But that’s not because it can’t happen. There are definitely those of us who sigh with passion daily waiting for these things to happen. There are tons of people who are compelled daily to do these things. I think the only problem is people think of this as a fantasy or unreal and then chose to repress their impulses. Now I know you wouldn’t dare ask people to repress their sexual aspirations now would you, Liam?

3. The weekend was long, and I caught a cold, but I was able to attend some workshops and see a bit of the IU campus. My thoughts? An interesting set of workshops this year. I saw the evolution of media portrayals of homosexuals, talked about the internet’s affect on my coming out process, learned a bit about how we go about “othering” people or peoples, and saw a cool presentation on gay video game representations (long story short…there aren’t many). I have to say, a big part of this trip is the social aspect, which was hindered for me because I was in charge and when it came time for “fun” I couldn’t be present. Also the other people not from our school there weren’t making eye contact like they have in years past. That made me sad. So my evenings were very boring.

4. Again…no V-Day celebration for me…despite my best efforts my nice big hotel room I had all to myself got no use. I just exercised and IMed people (they didn’t respond though) >:\. Pretty boring. I’ve never had a date on valentine’s day. I had just started “seeing” someone casually at this time last year and since I wasn’t sure where things were going I spent most of the day trying to talk to another guy who was being sketchy because he’d just slept with a friend of mine and was regretting it. The majority of my dates ever have been paid for. I think you know what I mean. I agree that the staring on that day probably wouldn’t be too much different than any other day. Though I think the implications would be greater if you were just out to dinner with a friend and not on a date but got stares. One of these years though…I’ll have something better to say.

5. Do it…you act like you could have a bad haircut. Well, ok…I think when your hair is all buzzed off it looks disgusting. But other than that, your hairstyles are flippin’ hot and throwing out a little variety is always a good idea. I love doing it myself.

That is all.

Robert Spreenberg (Robert Spreenberg) says:
(Posted February 16th, 2009 at 1:35 pm)

I spent V-day in france at sacre coure (sp?) with my roomate beau. There was some guys playing catchy old songs that everyone knew and sung along too. We overlooked the paris skyline drinking wine and listening to music. It was beautiful, one of the most romantic moments of my life, and one of the most gay. Other than making out with 2 guys. It was a hilarious and also perfect experience for Beau and I. We’re both not gay, but have a very special relationship.

Liamz (Liamz) says:
(Posted February 16th, 2009 at 1:37 pm)

Emotional pornography. I like that.

Lyndon, as for asking people to repress their sexual aspirations, no, I would never! It’s interesting to me that a lot of people are against living out their fantasies because they’re “unreal.” The fantasy world does exist and it can be a great thing. Hell, religion exists for a reason.

What is this “othering” you speak of? I’m intrigued.

Liamz (Liamz) says:
(Posted February 16th, 2009 at 1:39 pm)

Whoa, Robert, we posted at nearly the same time and I missed reading your experience. I’m pretty jealous. I think this means that I’ll drink a bottle of wine while doing homework tonight.

Yeah. That sounds good.

Nate (Nate) says:
(Posted February 16th, 2009 at 5:18 pm)

1. I love Shamrock Shakes too!

2. Due to some evolutionary accident, we have evolved in such a way that sex and violence easily blur into each other. My neighbors (who always seem to get started around 2 a.m.) usually argue before sex. They work each other up into a fury, have passionate (and loud) sex, and then sleep together peacefully. Ancient history speaks of victorious armies raping their vanquished opponents; apes who feel threatened develop erections; the ancient Greeks erected “herms” (ithyphallic apotropaic objects) on their borders; Piapus guarded orchards and gardens with his massive erection with which he would violate those who intruded on his space; and, of course, we all know what happens in prisons. Whether we like it or not, sex can be used to communicate affection and respect or dominance and submission. I suppose I think of it like food. Generally, I prefer a hearty, filling, predictable diet, but I do on occasion want to indulge myself and enjoy a naughty treat, or ten. Sex is important for maintaining and cultivating the growth of a relationship, but it’s also simply a fun thing to do–satisfying desires to be dominated and to dominate. Pleasure and pain are aspects of the same thing and blend into each other, so I don’t see anything wrong with exploring the full potential of the experience.

2. Yes. I think guys tend to enjoy porn and girls romantic movies and novels. But that’s such a general statement it’s almost meaningless. I love to read erotica, watch romances, and look at porn. All such artistic creations are unrealistic because, being art, they are not real. Art derives its power from simplifying (and, consequently, losing some information), abstracting, and manipulating reality in order to intensify and emphasize some quality of it.

3. The conference was amazing. I gained a new appreciation for the amount of talent present in our community. I also learned that trans- people are far more common than I thought and are horribly abused by our society.

4. Yes, get the Mohawk. And, Louis, get the piercing. Piercings can heal closed if you don’t like them, and, although you can’t change it as often as your clothes, hair grows out quickly enough to indulge in occasional experimentation.

J (J) says:
(Posted February 18th, 2009 at 11:04 am)

2. Violent sex, in the way that many of us construe it (or at least here in this comment stream), is not inherently bad. But what do we truly mean by “violent?” I do think that there is a distinction between violent and aggressive. Of course, I’m of a pacifist persuasion and dichotomize the two in ways most people don’t relate to. That being so, I think most of us are speaking to aggressive sex when we used the word “violent.” A technical meaning of violent is “uncontrollable, strong, rough, force (as per dictionary.com). ” Specifically, the uncontrollable part is crucial for me. Violent sex is deplorable. Aggression is not necessarily bad; aggressive sex can be extremely pleasurable, and it’s great to mix up the types of sexual experiences. Still, the excessive consumption of violent porn lends to an arguably different experience in the bedroom that I see as more violent, not just aggressive.

While consensual sex mostly deals with the issue of rape (for me, anyway), the scope of consent is another issue. When people give you the “green light,” are they consenting to tenderness or to being used like a bang-bang-boom depository? Do most of us even bother to ask beyond the initial “take me now!”? To be sure, some people are directive/communicative lovers and over time such probing, and perhaps automaton-atical, inquiry becomes moot because you get to understand your partner with great clarity.

In newer encounters, however, if not everybody is on the same page, in the same chapter, of the same book, the experience is arguably cheapened. Violent porn lends to this less explicit communication when it is necessary, forming expectations that are played out in the bedroom, and in doing so makes sex violent. This might not be so bad in situations when everyone involved enjoys violent porn, because then their judgments might the same. Although, I still would not promote the consumption of violent porn for other reasons.

******************************************************************

4. I didn’t really “celebrate” Valentine’s day, but I did go out with some friends and had an interesting night. I don’t identify as a gay male (though, I like to think I’m pretty progressive for questioning heteronormativity), but I had a lonely hearts dinner at a Mexican restaurant with another single friend who is. It was just the two of us, and the server was acting really strange. Not only was the service poor, it was as if whenever he talked to us we disgusted him. To say the least, he was RUDE. Now, I thought that it was strange in the moment, but recognized that it could’ve just been me being sensitive. But, when I asked my friend if he noticed anything, he also commented on the awkwardness of the waiter towards us. It kind of made me want to do something really crass or offensive like make out with my friend while the waiter tried to present us with the bill, acting as if he wasn’t there. That would teach him not to treat people differently ;). As for the rest of the night, I met some of my friend’s other friends who happened to be wonderously entertaining French people. We ended up at C-street and danced the night away, or voyeured from the second floor. It especially was fun to see the girls gasp at the lewd dancing of the Ze Americans. And I think one might even think I’m cute….here’s to hopin’.

Mike (Mike) says:
(Posted February 22nd, 2009 at 6:11 pm)

I also enjoyed the conference a great deal… someone should convince the powers that be (IUB, perhaps?) to bring the Kinsey Sicks here! They were fabulous!

Suleman Hussain (Suleman Hussain) says:
(Posted February 27th, 2009 at 4:29 pm)

1. Echoing what so many people have said Violent sex is not bad.

It’s actually exceedingly fun if all parties are into that sort of thing. Definitely an added adrenaline rush.

2. well… they’re comparable in that way i guess on some level. But I feel like porn is typically seen as more of a fantasy world than movies are. The average person sees romance movies as cheesy, but within the scope of reason, while most porn is considerably farther out on the “likely to happen in real life”-o-meter. So i’d say if anything, Romance movies give larger distortions of how love is than porn gives about how sex is.

3. As far as more likely to be stared down. well of course that’s true. Esp. if it’s in a more conservative area. People stare at anything out of the ordinary, and many people’s ordinary still does not include a gay couple.

4. As always: get the mohawk.