Aight y’all, I’ve been in Vegas and haven’t had time to write. Since I was there, I also didn’t do much homework, which means that’s what I need to get on right now. So, in the meantime, here’s an interview I had with Solomon Hursey and Julia Napolitano, the co-chairs of the MBLGTACC over at IU. If you haven’t yet registered for MBLGTACC and are interested in going, get on that!

Before we get into the deep dark questions, what the hell does MBLGTACC stand for, and why does it go by such a long name?
MBLGTACC is short (that’s arguable) for “Midwest Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference”.

What exactly is this conference? What are its aims? Who does it cater to? Will there ever be a time when conferences such as this one are no longer necessary?
MBLGTACC is a regional conference for sexual and gender minorities and those supportive of them. Since “College” is also in the name, we tend to focus on issues relevant to university students, staff, and faculty. The annual conference (in its 17th year) has been a place where mostly college students can gather and discuss these issues that are, in many environments, taboo or “offensive”. Personally, I would love to see this conference and others like it be obsolete, but I think that goal is a far one.

What goes on at the conference? Are there any special guests/performances this year? How many people usually attend?
Each year, MBLGTACC provides many workshops, speakers, and entertainers for participants to learn from. The conference also serves as a way for students to network to reinforce their own campus advocacy efforts. This year’s conference will be featuring Dr. Kand S. McQueen (a university professor of gender and transgender studies), LZ Granderson (a sports writer and commentator for ESPN).

How long has the conference been going on? Do other regions have a similar conference? Which states are within this region? Who is invited to come?
This is the 17th year of the conference, but there were two large planning meetings before that (1991 and 1992). I’ve heard that there are Eastern and Northwestern conferences, but I don’t know any specifics. MBLGTACC covers Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, Kentucky, Ohio, Minnesota, Wisconsin, North Dakota, South Dakota, Kansas, and Nebraska, Iowa, and Missouri, and it is open to university students, staff, faculty, and anyone else interested in LGBTQA issues at universities.

When and where is the conference this year? Is it too late to register? Where do students generally reside? Is there anything new going on this year, namely people giving up space to students who can’t afford hotels? How does one go about that?
This year’s conference is at Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana. Online registration is open until February 9th, but onsite registration is available at the conference. Conferencegoers will mostly stay in hotels, but many IU students are offering to host people who may not be able to afford a hotel. Check out our webpage for accommodation information, or our Facebook page for student hosting.

Why is it important to have such a conference? Why shouldn’t there be a Straights-and-their-allies conference? Should there be? I know there was a bit of a controversy with the Student Union at U of Illinois last year. Has there been any controversy over in Indiana this year?
A conference, or any event, celebrating LGBTQ and other “not straight” people is important mostly to empower the “not straight” people, but it also lets “straight” people know that their sexuality and gender identities are not universal. Personally, I think that most days are unofficial “Straights and Their Allies” conferences, just because of the massive amounts of media, culture, legislation, and policy favoring (though not always intentionally) heterosexual and cisgender people. As far as controversy, I don’t know anything about what happened at U of I, but there hasn’t been any trouble here. Indiana University and Bloomington are both very accepting of “not straight” people, and we have actually had amazing support from both the university and the city. Many of the planners and volunteers for MBLGTACC 2009 identify as allies.

What does it take to make this conference run smoothly? How many people are working on putting this thing together? How far in advance do you start planning? What does it take to get the conference to happen at your school in the first place?
I honestly have no idea when the planning for this conference started, but a bid to bring the conference to IU was submitted and accepted at MBLGTACC 2007, so two years at the minimum. Granted, we didn’t really start digging into the details until a little over a year ago, before the 2008 conference. Several of us took notebooks to the 2008 conference and recorded everything we saw that was good or could be better. Soon after that, we organized into committees and about fifteen people stuck out as leaders. In addition to the leaders, we have many consultants that help us on issues from booking entertainers to making sure we have rooms reserved for workshops. I would say that collaboration is the most important part to putting something of this size on.

So there ya have it, y’all. You can find out more information about specific events and the like at their website, http://www.mblgtacc.org. Have fun at the conference!

AUDITIONS!

Hey y’all. I just heard word that The Armory Free Theatre is going to be putting on a performance of The Rocky Horror Show on May 1st, 2009. But first they need talent!

If you’re interested in being a part of the show, hit up auditions on Sunday, Feb. 1st (11am-1pm) at Studio 2A/2B-Krannert Center. There will be callbacks on Wednesday, Feb. 4th (6pm-9pm) in the A/V Room-Krannert Center.

Director………………………Samantha Smith
Lighting Designer…………….Austin Shapley
Scenic Designer………………..Tara Houston
Asst. Scenic Designer……..Annalee Johnson
Technical Director…………….Scott Wolfson
Props Master…………….Ian James Anthony
Costume Designer………………..Erin Gaynor

You can find a link to the Facebook event here.

Good luck!

I tend to date guys for a while before I am willing to commit to a relationship, and these relationships are often hard to come by. I’m looking for that perfect guy, you see. That guy that you want to run off to Massachusetts with and get gay-married to. And have children and a dog, just like that family in Marley & Me, except for the whole Irish thing. I like the Irish. They’re a good people and make good soda bread, but it’s not a necessity when it comes to my ideal mate.

I was thinking about this while I was in my FSHN 120 class last semester. During the final section of the class it felt like we talked about babies on a daily basis. Babies, it seems, are a lot of work. You have to be really careful when you’re raising them, introducing only one new food at a time so you can monitor allergic reactions and such. Breast milk is favorable in comparison to baby formula, especially for the first 6 months of life. Milk is specifically tailored for every single baby. Cow milk is ideal for baby cows. Goat milk is ideal for baby goats. Human milk is ideal for baby humans. Even more so, each woman’s breast milk is specially designed for the baby that she just carried. Her body knows which ratio of nutrients that baby needs. Formula is a close second, but unless there is a problem such as the mother being HIV+, the baby is best off with his or her mother’s milk because it will provide exactly what the baby needs.

When the baby is full, it will simply stop drinking the mother’s milk. If you bottle feed from the beginning, it is possible that you will overfeed your baby and he will not be able to understand what “portion control” means later in life. Not only that, but breastfeeding gives the baby a better jaw structure for later in life. And most importantly, it is for reasons such as prevention of allergies, better digestion, promotion of a better gastrointestinal tract, and protection against diseases.

Upon learning all of this information in class I began to freak out a little bit. Sure, she says that baby formula is a close second when it comes to feeding babies, but as a person who can’t accept anything but the best when it comes to everything, I want my future little ones to have the best possible chance at a healthy life as possible, and I also want them to have great jaw structure, because let’s face it, if you don’t have a cute jawline there’s no sense in living.

Though it usually doesn’t go well to try to predict the future, something tells me that my future child will have two daddies, myself and some other guy who will probably have a lame-ass name like Rick but a heart of gold and a promising job at the tuna-canning factory. Neither Rick nor myself will be able to breastfeed our child because, like I said, we’re both men and we’re not cut out for that sort of thing.

But do not fret! There is hope!

After my class on breast milk, I ran to the compass and posed my question for my most wonderful professor Becky Roach. A few days later I had several suggestions for my child-to-be.

First, I really needn’t get worked up about having to give my child formula. It’s important to make sure you’re not diluting the formula with too much water because that will clearly affect the nutrition ratio and if the baby isn’t hungry enough to finish the whole bottle that can lead to a problem of undernutrition. Or malnutrition. I can’t quite remember and the two are very similar yet there’s one difference between them but I can’t remember what it is. And I refuse to wiki it. Point is, formula is a fine substitute and by the time I’m ready to have kids formula will be even closer to mimicking human breast milk. What is most important is that the child has a loving home and all that jazz.

Also, there are plenty of crazy things going on with adoption these days. They let Madonna steal babies from Africa! And I’m sure you’ve seen Juno. Now, let’s say you are going to adopt from someone like Miss Juno. One crazy ass thing you can actually do is maybe offer your house to the mother for the first 6 months of life. She can live with you and you can pay her room and board, in the meantime your baby can be breastfed by the actual mother. Of course, one of the risks with this is that the mother will grow attached to the child and end up refusing to let you adopt the baby and you and your partner have not only lost a shit ton of money and time, but you too have loved this baby but nope, it ain’t yours no mo sucka!

And that would suck.

The most interesting suggestion actually came from my TA. I say interesting because, quite frankly, I’d never heard of human milk banks before.

Milk banks, according to the Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA) have actually been around since 1985. HMBANA was created to set the standards/guidelines for human milk banking in Canada, the U.S., and Mexico.

What milk banking is is exactly what it sounds like: women donate their breast milk and babies that normally are not able to receive breast milk from their birth mothers are able to receive this milk, consume it, and have better nutrition closer to their needs. The donating women go through a screening process and are not allowed to be on any medication (not even multivitamins) or drink/smoke during the time periods in which they are donating. The milk is frozen, then it goes through a pasteurization process that gets rid of any germs and is made perfect, is analyzed for nutritional content, and then it’s frozen again.

There are maybe 10 or 11 of these banks in the United States, but one is actually close by in our friendly neighbor to the east, Indianapolis. You can find a link to their website here.

If you’re a gay guy who is interested in becoming a father, don’t fret when it comes to providing your future child with the nutrition that he or she deserves. There are many options that are available and you probably have some time to think about these things. But hey, it never hurts to do a little research.

Now that the break is slowly coming to a close, I finally have gathered enough pictures to warrant putting them up online! I happen to know all of these guys, but if you happen to be a homo with a tat (or two or three) and want to show off your ink, send your images to withtongue@gmail.com as well as your name as you want it to appear on the site and any significance behind your tattoo(s).

The first one belongs to Mr. Sean Roe who goes to Millikin. The tat on his back is Greek for “mother” “family.” I’ll give you one guess as to what the significance is.

This next one is from my buddy Zach King. He has several, but his most impressive is by far the wings he has inked on his back.

“I got the tattoo because as the rhyme goes “Thursday’s child has far to go” I was born on Thursday May 7th, 1987. Wings take one as far as the sky.”

Monday’s child is fair of face.
Tuesday’s child is full of grace.
Wednesday’s child is full of woe.
Thursday’s child has far to go.
Friday’s child is loving and giving.
Saturday’s child works hard for a living,
But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

This next one belongs to my friend Dom in Seattle. Clearly he has been working on this one for a while and didn’t get it all done in a day.

And then there’s my buddy Alex, who has a ton of tats but doesn’t have pics available for 2 of them. He’s a little hard to get in contact with right now but if you ever meet him in person, I’m sure he’d be happy to share each tat’s significance with you.

The next one is from Jon Newhall who graduated in Spring 2008. He got this one to commemorate where he got his license to fly: good ole U of I. This tat was actually designed by Chris Marquez, whose tats (also self-designed) you’ll see later in this post.

The next few are from Chicagoan turned San Francisconite: Alex Crumbsnatcher.

This first one is a tribute to The Need, a queercore band from Washington. Involved with Nomy Lamm they produced The Transfused, which is this awesome rock musical that I can introduce you to if you come over and hang out for a little while. Bring a 40.

Check out Alex’s music here.

Le Petit Prince!

This last one is from Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s Le Petit Prince, or The Little Prince. If you haven’t read this novella, I highly recommend it. It’s both insightful and adorable at the same time.

On ne voit bien qu’avec le cœur. L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

One cannot see well except with the heart. What is essential is invisible to the eyes.

God that’s fuckin’ cute.

And now we finally come to my bestie Chris Marquez. The first tat he got was of the tree on his arm, tattooed by Kim Saigh, one of the hot chicks of LA Ink.

Being the designer that he is, you can find some of his work here.

And then there’s his latest:

**

What I’m getting at with With Tongue in general is that gay guys are totally different from each other. Some may be flaming homosexuals who love Prada, others are soldiers fighting in Afghanistan. Some may enjoy French novellas and others are firefighters kicking firey ass on a daily basis. Then there are those who are bad ass enough to endure hours of pain for the sake of getting a piece of art put on their bodies. Each of the guys shown above are individuals and I think that can be reflected in their choice of artwork.

In other words, I love tattoos and wanted an excuse to put some up here on the217. But I gotta ask ladies, where are your tats?

One of my besties of the female persuasion had sex with a woman. Normally this doesn’t happen. In fact, Holly McHotty, as we shall call her today, has woken me up while fucking a man on several occasions. Now, we were at a party together and she found my friend, Sexy Sally, incredibly hot. She told me the whole night, “I’m gonna bang her. I’m gonna bang her.”

It took an extra brewskie or two, but eventually they did go home together. My favorite moment of the night was while I was at my computer and I heard through the walls, “Oh god, three in a row!” This, of course, slowly turned into 8 and I had to turn my speakers on high just to drown them out and fall asleep.

Holly McHotty had a good time and now further appreciates the female body, namely her own. I’m not sure if she would ever do it again but it’s safe to say she doesn’t have any regrets when it comes to the subject.

HERE’S MY DILEMMA.

When it comes to guys, Holly likes masculine man. She has told me on more than one occasion that there are only two occasions in which a man may cry, and one of them involves the death of a loved one. She has also told me that if she were to find out that a guy she were dating had ever been with a guy, that she would have to end the relationship immediately.

Holly is not the only person who I have heard this from. I have spoken to several different women who have had sexual experiences with other women, yet if their man were to ever have done anything with a guy, he’s out of the picture.

I’m not sure what is so bad about bisexuals. Half the time gays say that bisexuals are simply gays in denial. I think the main “threat” is that people dating bisexuals fear they will be left for a person that isn’t the same gender as they are. For a gay guy to be left for another guy is almost better than being left for a woman. Personally I think both would break my heart but for some reason we build up these ideas that if you’re left for a person of the gender opposite of your own, you failed your respective community, gay or straight. It’s as though you feel you converted someone and that sucks.

The first boyfriend I ever had subjected me to that Mariah Carey movie, Glitter. He danced a lot to NSync albums and sat next to me in chorus. He also left me and started dating a girl, one of my close friends. At first I was hurt but looking back I’m not sure that it was because he left me for a girl, but that he broke up with me in general. That sucks, and when you’re in high school in your first relationship it hurts even more. But I don’t really remember caring about it for too long and soon developed a crush on the one other gay guy in our school, even though he had a head shaped like a pineapple. I can really pick ‘em.

Point is, I think it was this very early experience with being left for a girl that made me not give a shit about bisexuality. I don’t come across it too often, but it does exist. Sexy Sally is a bisexual and is currently seeing an awesome guy who is well aware of her sexual past. They’re both cool with it and it doesn’t seem to have posed any problems. Not yet anyway. What I am curious about is when, if ever, her beau asks for a threeway. For him it’s a turn on to see girls mackin it, and for her, well, she just gets off either way. What happens to the relationship? Does it make things more exciting? Does it make things awkward? Is it begging for disaster? Is it just hot? What does it take to have a sexual experience like that and not damage the pre-existing relationship?

This summer my buddy Phil told me about throuples, which are exactly what they sound like: couples consisting of three people. I haven’t met one of these throuples in my time here at CU, but over in LA Phil does indeed know one and he tells me that they are doing quite well. Are they the way of the future?

Whenever I talk about polygamy in a positive light I feel it gets shunned much too easily. But could they be the way of the future? I feel that they’re the new gay, which of course was the new Black, which of course was the new Jew. Polygamists will be the next minority group fighting for their right to love. It’s a subject that’s really interesting to me because I have read the statistics when it comes to children being raised by gays and they tend to be smarter than the ones raised by heterosexuals. Now what happens when you’re raised with three parents? Think of the possibilities! Three incomes. Huge house. A nice boat. Or maybe just two incomes and one stay at home parent.

**

Once again, I simply feel that a lot of stigma when it comes to relationships and sex is because of semantics. Tradition is holding us back from experiencing all of these possible ways of loving one another. The worst part is that I am all talk. I know I would be cool with throuples, but I would never be in one myself. I think I would be much too jealous if I knew that I left and my husband and wife were banging each other while I took the kids to the zoo. But if some people can make it work, then I guess more power to them.

When it comes to being bi, though, the subject kind of freaks me out. More and more often I find myself being attracted to women and I feel with enough liquid courage there is the possibility of me waking up next to a woman. I have it so ingrained in my head that I am gay and that I like guys that I am not willing to go all the way with a girl. There’s also those feelings of, “What if she freaks out when she finds out I fuck dudes.” And those feelings of, “Is it really wrong if I’m just doing this for the sex and could never see myself in an actual relationship with a woman? Is this something that needs to be said ahead of time, even if it’s a one night stand?”

Only time will tell what will happen with that, I suppose. In the meantime I’m still gonna date guys. And I’m still gonna listen to Panic. Fuck you if you don’t like it. They’re good.

I like Panic At The Disco. I don’t care what you have to say. I especially like the song Nine in the Afternoon and Northern Downpour. It reminds me of this band I like, Dear Noel, that I have seen a few times in Chicago suburbs whenever I’m back on break. I don’t care that you think they’re fake-indie or fake-pop or fake-whatever. They’re good and your band hasn’t toured the world with The Sounds as an opening act. So eat it.

Now that that’s out of the way, I would like to ask you how you define sex. The question arises because on December 26th I picked up two of my besties from Austria, and as I drove them to the hotel they were staying at we somehow got on the topic of my sexual activity whilst in Vienna. I had said, “I only had sex with one person in Vienna, and he was an American,” referring to my boyfriend at the time. Christian seemed a bit shocked and Roland had this expression of … well basically the look where you raise your eyebrows and say, “Um, ’scuse me bitch?”

Roland and I had a “thing” near the beginning of my stay in Vienna. We had met in a club and a day or two later went on a date. There were times in the brief relationship where I slept over and yes, may have stained the sheets. But we never fucked, as in, we never had penis/ass penetration. That’s how I define sex. I have my list of people I have had sex with, and Roland is not one of them. However, in his book, we’ve definitely done the nasty. The hibbity jibbity. The big whoop dee doo. The grand hee haw. Et cetera.

I’ve had this same problem with the term “hooking up.” To me, before, hooking up meant anything from making out on a dance floor to fucking outside a club next to its somewhat abandoned parking lot. After one night of saying, “I totally hooked up with that guy last night” I soon found the error of my ways. Hooking up, at least in Champaign Urbana, is defined as going home with someone and reaching a point where the pants have come off and bodily fluids are present. That’s the absolute minimum, otherwise it’s just making out.

There’s a lot of concern about sex on campus, especially if you’re having lots of it. Even people who are having lots of sex with several different partners label others as whores. It’s one of the most bizarre occurrences that I have observed in CU and it seems to be never-ending. What’s also interesting is that sexual acts such as blow jobs and hand jobs are seen as a more appropriate way of of being promiscuous than actually fucking, because fucking is what makes you a whore.

I want to try to stop defining sex. Or maybe find a way to define it that doesn’t automatically make you feel guilty about having it. The gays are as bad as the Catholics when it comes to trying to make you feel shame.

I feel it’s important to make a little aside here and note that not all gays are interested in making you feel shame. I am by no means quoting statistical data and do not claim that I know all that there is to know about sex or the gay population. Everything I write is based on my own observations and tends to stereotype the gay CU population as a whole, which isn’t my aim. My aim is to survive these 4 years and have a damn good time while doing it. And having a good time can indeed be accompanied by sex.

It kind of sucks to think that a lot of people will judge you based on the number of people you have had sex with. Too few. Too many. Usually too many. It’s as though you should have known from the very beginning who you were going to end up with and that you should refrain from living your life until you have met this person. As though every person on your list of people of you fucked should taint your soul and paint it a darker shade of black.

To me, that’s bullshit.

Roland is currently in a relationship with a guy who sounds like an amazing catch. I’m really happy for him and am indeed a bit jealous that he is flying home today to a person that he loves, while I am here in my brother’s bedroom writing on my laptop and eating a frozen Snickers bar. I know it’s not all I have. I have a lot of amazing friends, a family that loves me, two dogs that I wish I could bring down with me to Urbana, and an education from one of the greatest universities that happens to be surrounded by corn. And I like having sex (which the corn plays no role in, by the way).

In a way, this is one of those 2009 Resolution blogs. I’ve had a really shitty semester and I want to go into 2009 with a different approach.

Fuck it. I’m just gonna throw a party with my roommates and play Apples to Apples. Happy 2009.

Cheers.