Gian (Gian) says:
(Posted October 13th, 2008 at 4:38 pm)

Honesty is totally the best policy when it comes to relationships. I don’t think I can have it any other way, esp. because I’m paranoid about things like HIV and other STDs when sex is involved in cheating.

Steven V. (Steven V.) says:
(Posted October 13th, 2008 at 4:43 pm)

Hmmm, I am all about honesty. I do not understand how individuals cheat on their significant others. It makes me sick. I’ve had two experiences now with being cheated on and both left me torn. It takes a long while for someone to just get over these types of occurrences. The trust is absolutely gone and I was constantly paranoid that he was continuing to do it behind my back. I think it’s a fair thought considering he already got away with it once. A warning to the cheaters, don’t expect that trust to be re-built over night. After someone in a relationship cheats, things are never the same, at least from my experiences. It’s a shitty feeling and you no longer feel secure in your relationship … it’s almost embarrassing; especially if it occurred over a long period of time and you were in the dark the entire time. I also think it is important to communicate with your partner. If you think he/she is cheating, ask them. Relationships should have that kind of communication where anything and everything can be talked about openly. Communication is key and if that is not established early on then issues will arise. I could go on forever but I will end here. Don’t cheat, talk it out or break up with the person. You’ll both feel significantly better in the end.

RJ (RJ) says:
(Posted October 13th, 2008 at 5:29 pm)

I think we focus so much on how we’re supposed to act, we don’t ever focus on how we DO act. Yes, honestly is and always will be the best policy. Complete transparency in relationships is ideal for both parties; no cheating, fooling, outside issues. This is awesome, but when conflicts come up, what do you do?

I have never lied to anybody I’ve been in a relationship with. How can I say that with such certainty? Consequences. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but it always hit me as scary territory knowing doing this or that with whomever would result in outcomes with my significant other that I didn’t really want.

People lie about all sorts of things, but they do it and generally have 2 things in mind: is lying going to hurt ME?! is lying going to hurt this relationship?!?

If you can’t pass both tests, or if there is other baggage (yes, i can lie but I KNOW he’ll understand…) people will lie. I know how I react in these situations, but other people with different backgrounds, lives, person relationship stories, and smaller penes might not be able to stand up to the conflict in their head and just lie as the easy out.

And as Hurricane Liam says, which I think is the absolutely CORRECT thing to say, Don’t cheat; work it out or break it off. If you’re not being sexually satisfied, you have to say something. If the other person is just not what you are looking for, you have to say something. And really…REALLY.. if you are just in relationships for the chase (and some of you know exactly what I mean by this) then be fucking honest day one and don’t go down the relationship road. Catch your prey and gtfo.

I mean, come on, honestly?

Lyndiddy (Lyndiddy) says:
(Posted October 13th, 2008 at 6:01 pm)

This subject is really touchy. The problem with the truth is that it’s almost always something bad, otherwise you wouldn’t want to lie about it.

This summer it came to my attention that the person I was dating had started looking on the internet for new people to have sex with. It horrified me, shocked me, saddened me to no end, and outraged me. I don’t really know what would have hurt me more. Finding out about it on my own or if he had said to me, I want to fuck other people and I’ve been looking. I guess in this honesty scenario he would have said something before hitting up dudenudes. I’m still not sure.

What feels more relevant to me when it comes to honesty is before a relationship even begins…or doesn’t begin. When I’m interested in people I want complete honesty from them. If I have the guts to be upfront about my feelings for someone I appreciate an honest response to it. I want someone either to say, Sorry, not interested, or I’m not looking for a relationship, or otherwise let me know what it is they do want. Because if they avoid the issue or lead me on in some fashion because they can’t admit they just don’t like me it doesn’t help anyone, I end up confused and they end up on the recieving end of my confused attempts to figure out exactly what it is they’re feeling and thinking. For example I’ve been in the position far too many times where someone says, I’m not looking for a relationship, only for me to find out the next day that they started dating someone. That doesn’t help anyone and it makes me feel shittier than if you’d just said, “back off ugly”…or something like that. You’re not sparing my feelings by leading me on or ignoring me.

The same goes for the opposite though. Someone not being honest with me about their feelings doesn’t help anyone, and I won’t dick you around either. Of course, I assume this happens only because nobody has ever declared their undying love for me…maybe I’m just pathetic though.

Who knows?

I think there is a lot to be said about the whole “ignorance is bliss” deal…there are still many situations where I think that it’s better to just keep stuff away from people, even in a relationship. We all know that there are some situations that won’t harm anyone as long as you keep you mouth shut, but could be potentially earthshattering if you said something about them. However, if you’re in a situation where the other person could find out it’s much better to be up front about it especially if it could have disastrous cosnequences.

So all that being said, 9 times out of 10 you should tell the truth.

Mike Consalvo (Mike Consalvo) says:
(Posted October 13th, 2008 at 7:14 pm)

“Yes, heres the story of the hurricane”

Sorry, it reminds me of the Bob Dylan song, The Hurricane.

I always try to be honest. My theory is that being honest, even if it hurts you, builds up integrity because sometime you are going to NEED somebody to believe you and you can always stand on your record of honesty.

Louis W (Louis W) says:
(Posted October 13th, 2008 at 8:51 pm)

Honestly is more or less always the best policy. That, and open relationships. Closed ones seem silly to me.

Liam, wanna fuck?

Bryce L. (Bryce L.) says:
(Posted October 13th, 2008 at 10:56 pm)

Hmmm…. so confusing. Not the blog, but people. Everyone is so much different from each other, I feel it’s very hard to figure out how have good relationships. It’s frustrating to me, even in my very short dating life I have met people with hugely different expectations and emotional reactions and it’s hard to not throw up my hands.

I’ve never (to my knowledge) been cheated on, … actually I’ve never been in a relationship which had explicit exclusivity (although in some cases I assumed that I should not be with anyone else). However I feel like I wouldn’t mind so much if someone messed around with another person sexually… but I would mind if they liked, or cared about, or were as committed to another person as they were to me.

Any thoughts? Some of you know me I’d really love to have a chat if any of you have time.

Kevin McLoughlin (Kevin McLoughlin) says:
(Posted October 13th, 2008 at 11:07 pm)

If Louis is in an “open relationship” then my relationship is one of those hippy doorways that just has strands of beads hanging in it.

Honesty has really been the one thing keeping it together. The truth can sting like a bitch, but, having been in both situations, I can say I’d pick my significant other telling me he wants to break things off rather than his friend dropping me an IM on my away message to let me know he had spent the night with someone else (who eventually gave him crabs and reaffirmed my eternal faith in karma - sorry, everyone was sharing and I felt left out!).

However, like most things, honesty might be best in moderation. “I’d like to have an open relationship” is usually sufficient, and adding “because you make great cookies but give bad head” just makes you a douchebag.

Moe (Moe) says:
(Posted October 14th, 2008 at 1:27 am)

Honesty can only work when it’s practised by both of the involved. Luckily, I can consider myself as part of the minority since I am with somebody whom I can talk to about anything and everything, and it works. Of course that means that sometimes you’ll hear things that are not so easy to “process”, but that only strengthens the bond between two people. And besides, it makes life a lot easier when people just say what they think, rather than trying to make a coherent sentence out of subtle hints which basically just annoy me in the end.

And yes, I did have my share of liars, was betrayed, cheated on, and dealt with the drama queeny, the unfaithful, and the liars. It’s not fun, and it changed the person I am, and the way I look at other (gay) men, but I had to experience that all to make me who I am now. And after over four years of abstinence, I see it was worth the wait because now I have the perfect person for me.

There is no such thing as protecting somebody from the truth. That is a lame excuse. Either you’re up front with somebody, or you bullshit them, but then you are not treating them with respect!

So in a nutshell: Honesty=Good & Lies=Bad!

Peace!

karma (karma) says:
(Posted October 14th, 2008 at 3:47 pm)

I think you got exactly what you deserved. Sounds like you are a big gay cliche and terrible friend.

Liam Reed (Liam Reed) says:
(Posted October 14th, 2008 at 5:41 pm)

That may be so, but that’s why I included that part of the story, to be up front that I’ve done the same thing and have just as much guilt when it comes to other past relationships. I was hoping to show you that I’ve learned my lesson and will never do such things again in hopes of not portraying what you labeled as a gay cliche.

Now I am currently seeking an answer to whether honesty is indeed always the best policy. Are there times when lying is acceptable? Personally I think there must be, because between absolute truth and absolute lying, neither worked out for me. If there is a medium out there, what is it, and how do you know when you’ve crossed the line?

Half the Solution. (Half the Solution.) says:
(Posted October 14th, 2008 at 5:47 pm)

Maybe absolute honesty is possible (disbelieve), but I do believe that level of honesty can cause undue harm and irreversible damage to the relationship. Some feelings and thoughts are temporary. Where do you draw the line? Very hard to manage; doesn’t mean you’re a liar. Those are harsh accusations to the person who’s considerate of others in a way that could be the best given the situation. It’s all situational!

In some instances, details are inconsequential and the only noble thing you’ve done is hurt someone’s feelings. There are many things (especially words) you can’t take back. Serious breach of integrity for keeping them to yourself? No.

Obviously, there are things you shouldn’t hide. Withholding crucial feelings if you’re unhappy doesn’t do anything but postpone a hurtful event. You should communicate that to your partner. If you can’t, then there are deeper problems with that relationship - or with yourself.

Some people rationalize their personal withholdings for their own reasons or past experiences. Maybe their feelings at that particular time shouldn’t solidify an end to all. People do get caught up in life, family, feelings and changes. It’s easy to say you’re honest about EVERYTHING but that’s not entirely true, is it? Complete honesty? Patently false.

I have more faith in a relationship where you can be who you want to be - complete freedom to be who you are. A relationship where you’re never embarrassed in front of your partner under any circumstances. Support and commitment…. much stronger that an I love you, err, ich liebe dich.

Sometimes it just doesn’t work out and you feel the current situation doesn’t invoke a final chapter, conversation or text (for you high schoolers). Some people are so final it makes your words and unedited thoughts a liability. Some people aren’t ready to commit to an end. Great communication can satisfy the insatiable. It doesn’t always have to be about cheating.

If this is too broken - just be diplomatic while you’re being brutally honest.

Half the Solution. (Half the Solution.) says:
(Posted October 14th, 2008 at 6:29 pm)

And then there’s the “412 Rule”.

Never forget it.

Suleman Hussain (Suleman Hussain) says:
(Posted October 14th, 2008 at 7:44 pm)

Interesting point of view, but absolutism often leads to inherent flaws. For instance, my sister once told me that she went through men in High School and some of College faster than Kleenex. And that the moment she felt like she would rather be with someone else, she informed her partner, and usually just moved on. Now, almost any couple who’ve been together for long periods of time will tell you that their significant other wasn’t always at the forefront of their minds, but it becomes a fine line to differentiate between things such as “I’m in love with someone else” or “The guy who bags our groceries is cute, I wanna fuck him”. One probably falls in “let’s be honest with each other” category and the other in the “I’ll get over this before too long, why hurt him?” I understand the attraction of always being honest, and the dangers of not saying what’s on your mind all of the time, but it seems to easy that constant honesty will breed rampant cynicism and doubt.

Nate (Nate) says:
(Posted October 14th, 2008 at 7:59 pm)

The Lie

Go, Soul, the body’s guest,
Upon a thankless arrant!
Fear not to touch the best;
The truth shall be thy warrant:
Go, since I needs must die,
And give the world the lie.

Say to the court it glows
And shines like rotten wood;
Say to the church it shows
What’s good, and doth no good:
If court and church reply,
Then give them both the lie.

Tell potentates they live
Acting by others’ action,
Not loved unless they give,
Not strong but by a faction.
If potentates reply,
Give potentates the lie.

Tell men of high condition
That manage the estate,
Their purpose is ambition,
Their practice only hate:
And if they make reply,
Then give them all the lie.

Tell them that brave it most,
They beg for more by spending,
Who, in their greatest cost,
Seek nothing but commending:
And if they make reply,
Then give them all the lie.

Tell zeal it wants devotion;
Tell love it is but lust;
Tell time it is but motion;
Tell flesh it is but dust:
And wish them not reply,
For thou must give the lie.

Tell age it daily wasteth;
Tell honor how it alters;
Tell beauty how she blasteth;
Tell favor how she falters:
And as they shall reply,
Give every one the lie.

Tell wit how much it wrangles
In tickle points of niceness;
Tell wisdom she entangles
Herself in over-wiseness:
And when they do reply,
Straight give them both the lie.

Tell physic of her boldness;
Tell skill it is pretension;
Tell charity of coldness;
Tell law it is contention:
And as they do reply,
So give them still the lie.

Tell fortune of her blindness;
Tell nature of decay;
Tell friendship of unkindness;
Tell justice of delay:
And if they will reply,
Then give them all the lie.

Tell arts they have no soundness,
But vary by esteeming;
Tell schools they want profoundness,
And stand too much on seeming:
If arts and school reply,
Give arts and school the lie.

Tell faith it fled the city;
Tell how the country erreth;
Tell manhood shakes off pity;
Tell virtue least preferreth:
And if they do reply,
Spare not to give the lie….

(Sir Walter Raleigh)

And when finally the sword of truth has cut through all our beautiful lies, our fantastic stories, our elaborate artifice, we shall see the world for the cold, dead thing it is.

Moonlight

It will not hurt me when I am old,
A running tide where moonlight burned
Will not sting me like silver snakes;
The years will make me sad and cold,
It is the happy heart that breaks.

The heart asks more than life can give,
When that is learned, then all is learned;
The waves break fold on jewelled fold,
But beauty itself is fugitive,
It will not hurt me when I am old.

(Sara Teasdale)

As long as we want exclusive possession of each others bodies and minds, are we doomed to disappointment? Perhaps. We are dynamic beings after all, full of fluctuating moods and ever changing. However, there’s something beautiful about such a stark ideal. Ah! the awesome and terrible glory of the religion of romance! Just as monotheism is psychologically more compelling than polytheism, the romantic ideal, in which the faithful lovers are supposed to become so entangled in their worship of and allegiance to each other that all former interests are absorbed into their union or fall away as the things of youth, has an idealistic charm. If the illusion is to be maintained, some stories will have to be told, to each other and to themselves. And, to be honest, I’m in favor of keeping fiction alive in our world. Yes. To tell the truth, I want to hear lies.

Of course, I have not addressed your real question: Should people cheat and lie about it? I didn’t talk about it because I don’t think it’s interesting. The answer is too obvious: to do so in our world is dangerous in a very real and physical sense; it’s selfish, childish, fearful, and irresponsible.

Sam (Sam) says:
(Posted October 15th, 2008 at 12:22 am)

I’ve always thought honesty and explicitness are both good and essential, but I probably have had to learn a bit about when honesty is actually important, in the sense Kevin suggested at the end of his comment. In my ancient incarnation where I had a girlfriend I used to push the honesty thing to an excessive extent, so, e.g., I’d point out that her hair looked atrocious (she’d pulled some granny-like overstyled shit that diminished her natural loveliness) and expect that she wouldn’t be hurt because she knew (I’d told her!) that I thought she was beautiful. Obviously, she *was* hurt, and debacles ensued. So I guess the big caveat to total-honesty policies is that one has to consider whether one’s honest statements will be interpreted in a way that gives the other person an accurate picture of your feelings. Talking to my girlfriend, I meant “I think you look great, but this hair thing is kinda detracting a bit” - but even if I’d put it exactly like that she’d still have heard “holy fuck you’re a wigged hippo.” Likewise, as Kevin said, even when “you give lousy blowjobs” is literally true but not that important to you, saying it will probably make the other person feel like sexual flotsam, even if there’s actually still nobody else you like being with better.

How this bears on cheating or wanting other people is pretty complicated. I think most people even in closed, committed relationships occasionally *want* to chase someone else, but if they’re largely happy in their closed relationship, telling that to their partner will most likely create a false impression of dissatisfaction. Actually, a person happily in a closed relationship could even cheat on some occasion and never admit to it, and that dishonesty might give the more accurate impression to their partner, because the cheater really is a closed-relationship sort of fellow and wishes he hadn’t broken the understanding with the partner. But in that case the cheater will probably suffer with regret for a good while. If he doesn’t feel like that, then it’s likely the kind of thing that *should* be mentioned, because he probably doesn’t assign significance to faithfulness and to closed relationships in the way his partner presumably does. Then there really is a bit of substantial truth being kept under wraps, and not sharing marks a kind of disrespect for the partner’s right to choose the kind of relationship they want to participate in.

Who knows what happens then, because honesty only gets you so far. I agree with you that being honest, and ending things if the results make it necessary, is generally the right way to go. But sometimes honesty will create the wrong impression no matter what; other times you might decide to hold your tongue only to realize later you really should have spoken up; and other times the communication works out fine, but it reveals problems that don’t do much but hurt everyone. We can’t read minds or change facts, so sometimes you do everything right, and things still end up sad and ugly.

All you can do then is mean well, and make sure you’re truly acting like it, while all the while assessing your responsibilities to other people by keeping in mind that you can’t ever know everything about who they are, or what they’re up against, or why they do what they do and need what they need. I think acting with these genuine good intentions is the most important bit of the whole package, and being honest with yourself about whether you’re doing it is generally the hardest part of the equation. The upside is that when someone comes back at you about any situation and says “but why is it like this? why did you do this?”, you’ll have an answer you can stand behind without feeling like a fraud, and the best chance possible that they’ll see that as well and know you didn’t mean to harm them.

Nate (Nate) says:
(Posted October 15th, 2008 at 1:26 pm)

Amen Sam.

I want to comment on one point you make. Some people may not, as you say, assign much significance to physical fidelity, but that’s not why they (by which I mean the members of the subset of those who silently favor open relationships who also engage in cheating) don’t reveal their actions to their partners. They may fear their actions will be misunderstood by their partners (i.e., they mean well, and don’t want their lovers to get the wrong impression about the veracity and intensity of their affection), but I suspect the dominant concern is that their lives will be inconvenienced. Such people could only be in such an unhappy situation by misrepresenting themselves from the very beginning as holding traditional, conventional beliefs about fidelity.

Whenever one reveals more of oneself, one risks rejection. But we have to confront the fear this truth can inspire if we ever want to experience real relationships.

The other sort, the sort who really do believe in closed, exclusive relationships would, if mature and courageous, immediately inform their partners of their cheating. They would do this precisely because the action represents a major deviation from their beliefs and ideals and, consequently, has great significance.

karma (karma) says:
(Posted October 16th, 2008 at 1:06 pm)

I think you know that you’ve crossed the line when you know deep down in your heart that what you are doing will hurt someone else.

I may have been harsh calling you a gay cliche but what you did is stereotypical of gay men and people in general.

How would you feel if your father cheated on your mother with one of their friends? I think this is something to keep in mind whenever we convince ourselves that cheating is OK and harmless.

Liamz (Liamz) says:
(Posted October 16th, 2008 at 6:02 pm)

Karma,

I learned my lesson. Yes, it was, based on my current morals, wrong. I will never do it again and I will appreciate it when it is not done to me. Karma’s a bitch (and apparently slow in catching up to me), but damn if I didn’t learn my lesson. I just thought I learned it a year ago.

emilybird (emilybird) says:
(Posted October 16th, 2008 at 8:03 pm)

My problem with honesty is that different people have different definitions of it, as I found out this weekend. I ran into a boy I had a thing for awhile back and found out the feelings had been mutual and still were there–one thing led to another and after he left my place Sunday morning I went facebook him and found out he has a girlfriend that he forgot to mention between telling me that I’m gorgeous and that he had been wanting to kiss me ever since we first met. He didn’t lie but he didn’t tell the truth either but I don’t know if I can separate the two or if I can trust anything he did say. I’ve talked to him and he said that he doesn’t know where he stands with her right now and that they are on the rocks and that he’s going to her and how hard it’ll be to find the right way to say it because he knows she’s going to be hurt. Half of me thankful that he’s being honest but I almost wanted to tell him that if he things were going to end anyway that he shouldn’t say anything and save her from it, the only thing that stopped me is that I know it would hurt more to hear it from someone else.

I just don’t know how I feel, I kind of want to call him back so I can try to work out my head but I don’t know if it’s appropriate.

Gyration G (Gyration G) says:
(Posted October 18th, 2008 at 11:21 am)

People who cheat on their partners have absolutely no excuse to do so. If a person is in a bad relationship, either work on repairing it or get out of it. I have found that people who stay with a person that they know has cheated or continues to cheat are co-dependent on that person, and thus become gluttons for punishment. I know of a person who has gone back to their cheating partner, with the hopes that they can repair their relationship, even though the partner continues to have contact with past ex’s and continues to keep secrets. I blame the partner that went back to the cheater because as the saying goes ” once a cheater, always a cheater”. WHAT IS WORSE is a person who cheat with someone that they are fully aware is in a relationshp…that’s just wrong, and it does fuel gay male stereotypes.

karma (karma) says:
(Posted October 18th, 2008 at 1:30 pm)

Gyration G,

I agree. Nice to see someone else has the same morals that I do. Show more self-respect. My rule is that if I ever find out someone cheated on me, especially with a friend, I am dumping him immediately. No excuses. No begging me for forgiveness. Leave. Get Out! I’m also kicking both their asses. Haha. I have more respect for myself than to accept a cheater in my life.

Half the Solution. (Half the Solution.) says:
(Posted October 19th, 2008 at 6:09 am)

Hmm.

You shouldn’t be so quick to judge. You never know where you’ll find yourself one day. You aren’t good enough to know what circumstances and situations you’ll be confronted with. Maybe you’ll be the one that cries in pain; maybe you’ll be the one that begs for forgiveness.

Once a cheater always a cheater? Fuck off. Some people make mistakes and pay their dues, one way or another.

Don’t make general statements. People here are smarter than that.

Half the Solution. (Half the Solution.) says:
(Posted October 19th, 2008 at 7:28 am)

I should comment more.

I was a cheater. You don’t know how lost you’ve become until you find yourself suddenly interested in someone else. I was in a five year relationship and it was extremely routine at the time. I knew I loved him more than my own life. I also knew my soul ached for something else, for some excitement or just something to make life worth enjoying again. This was before I realized how much work a relationship actually took. I worked a lot, went to school, we were living day to day and we could literally sit in a room and stare at each other, we had nothing to say. Had this relationship run it’s course or am I just this insatiable person? I was confused.

This wasn’t a good reason to end it. We were both a little lost. We’d lost what had made our relationship meaningful and exciting. So I found myself sleeping with someone else.

I had admitted what wasn’t so obvious. He was heartbroken and I was completely destroyed for hurting him. I tried for a long time to make it right. He moved out, I got him a place, completely furnished it with TV’s, furniture, towels, spoons, forks, and anything you would need; I didn’t ever want him to go without. For six months we tried to work it out (mostly it was him trying to figure out a way to let me go). I was beside myself with guilt. I had lost all respect for myself and I payed dearly for these seven months we stayed together after. Constant comments, insults and hurtful remarks were made to punish an already broken person.

One random weekend, a week or two after Christmas, he wouldn’t return phone calls. I went to his apartment and found out that he’d finally replaced me with someone that probably wouldn’t hurt him as I had. I was enraged. After being beat down to the ground for my sins, I was finding out that he had flipped a switch and was finished. After attempting to beat the hell out of the person hiding in his apartment, I found myself in a cold hallway glaring at his expressionless face. I was inconsolable and I knew the whole time I deserved this, I also knew it wasn’t the other guys fault - but he knew I existed. I was ready for the assault charge. It was surreal, I looked around and then I cried, kissed his forehead, zipped up his coat and walked out of that freezing cold place for the last time.

My gay friends tried to get with me, my family didn’t make me feel better. I just had to sit and continue to pay for what I had done. I did just that.

One day he emailed me and we start talking again. He said he couldn’t stop thinking about me. I cried in way I’d never cried as I read his email. I was so thankful he had spoken after all this time. There was never any closure. I felt like I had been rescued after years of being lost. I loved the person I was with at the time, I hated to let him go. He was the most exciting person I’d ever met. I’ll always love him and hope we’re friends forever. But I had to finish the other first.

So.

It’s strange how things work out. We’re back together, the past was the past and we are trying hard to make it work this time. If it doesn’t - I’ve given it my best shot.

I know what I went through. I know what NOT to do.

To say “once a cheater always a cheater” is a direct personal insult. I dare you to say that to my face. I paid - it’s my right to live it down.

Like I said, you never know what situation you might find yourself in. I was a faithful and honest person. I got lost.

I am that person again.

karma (karma) says:
(Posted October 19th, 2008 at 6:03 pm)

Blah Blah Blah. Cry me a river. It comes as no surprise that you were a cheater. Excuses. Excuses. I think it is very low class of you to tell Gyration G to fuck off. Cheaters always make excuses for their actions. I do agree. Once a cheater, always a cheater and I stand by that 100%. Cheating is also about power and the inability to fully commit to someone else but mostly an ego trip. One cheats simply because they can. Even when you find yourself in a situation where infidelity rears its head you have the choice to walk away. You chose to indulge. Not everyone will cheat when presented with an opportunity so you can come off that “wah wah you don’t know what situation life will bring you crap.”