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The Proud Pedes-phile

posted by Liam Reed at 8:02 pm.

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Studying abroad is one of those things that you really need to take advantage of while in college. I studied abroad in Vienna, and there are countless experiences I had there that I had never experienced in the United States. One such experience involved having my foot sucked on and having a feeling more intense than any blowjob I’ve ever gotten.

Seriously, if you haven’t had your foot sucked on, you really need to find someone who is willing to do that for you. It’s like getting a foot massage except it is sexual (seriously, it’s not creepy) and therefore more relaxing.

Since having the footjob I have questioned whether or not I am sexually attracted to feet. That is, do I have a foot fetish? I remember this one episode of Sex & the City where one of the girls gets free shoes because she lets the shoe salesman handle her goodies (all 10 toes included). This guy was so into feet that he made them his profession and then used expensive shoes as a come-on. I, on the other hand, sell clothes and coffee and really don’t think about your feet unless they somehow end up on my lap.

Photo courtesy of myfriendsfeet.com

Here in my place of residence, the Molly House,* we were discussing feet for some reason or other. I can’t remember if we were talking about a foot fetish itself or if someone simply forgot to wear socks, but somehow in conversation the topic of foot rape came up.

My lovely housemate R**** told me about a friend of hers who was at a party here on campus. Having drunk a bit too much, he had to take a piss. Apparently whoever was in the bathroom was either vomiting or taking a shit because at some point he decided to sit down and lay his legs flat on the ground. A girl walked by, clearly horny, and sat on his lap and started making out with him. Then she reached under her skirt and moved her panties to the side and sat on his barefoot.

She fucked herself with his foot. Bareback.

This was, by my definition and that of my housemates’, a clear case of foot rape. Rather, the foot was raped by the vagina. The guy didn’t know what to do so he just let it happen. Rape, of course, is a strong word, but in all seriousness, this guy did not agree to fuck this girl (with his foot or otherwise), and therefore I am comfortable using the word. He was drunk and taken advantage of, just in a very bizarre sort of way. She didn’t even give him the chance to put on a latex foot glove. They make those, right?

What I wonder is if the girl saw it as a crime at all. Or if she even considered it to be a sexual intercourse type of act. I know a lot of people don’t define oral sex to be sex, myself included, and I’m wondering if foot/vag penetration is considered sex sex. If someone fucked you with his or her foot, and you’ve never had any other form of sex, would you consider the foot fucking a loss of your virginity?

If you watch Weeds, which you should, you probably remember the episodes in season 3 where Andy ends up shooting porn where he fucks girls with his foot (the one with the missing toe). Is foot fucking now a popular thing? Has it crossed the line from being a fetish to mainstream sex?
And in that regard, is there such a thing as a fetish crossing over into being considered “normal” sex? Like fingering. Was finger banging just a fetish people had?

I’m proud of the fact that I would rather have a footjob than a blowjob. I don’t know, maybe I’ve just never gotten a really great blowjob. Or maybe all those nerves that are supposed to be in my dick actually ended up in my foot. Or maybe I just have some psychological problem and require a large amount of therapy. Regardless of what the deal is, at least I’m getting off. I certainly hope I can say the same for you.

Oo, baby, give it to me manually!

* The house that I currently occupy with my housemates has been dubbed The Molly House, which was a tavern in the early modern period where men would meet to socialize, dance, and drink. Almost like a brothel, it was also a place where they could meet other men and actually have sex with anonymous partners. We’re having a party this weekend. It’s gonna be balls out fantastic.

R***** This is my new nickname for one of my roommates, because clearly I don’t want to embarrass her or her friend by printing any real names. And R***** just rolls off the tongue, ya know?

Liam Reed: 1987 model, runs fairly well, few dents, starts in cold weather, no baggage, loves flea markets and canned soup. Send all hate mail, love mail, and sexual advances to withtongue@gmail.com