Coming out to my parents was one of the easiest things I’ve ever had to do. Actually, coming out to my entire family was one of the easiest things I’ve ever had to do. It was so easy and to think that I did so at 14 (maybe 15?) years old! Man, I had balls.

Well. Yes. I do, and they’re what got me into trouble in the first place. I didn’t get to choose to come out to my parents because a little tool in Internet Explorer (which has since been replaced with FireFox, thank god) known as the History Folder decided to do all the work for me. The next part of this gets a little graphic, so reader beware. If masturbation frightens you, I highly suggest you hit the back button on your browser right now.

So, when you’re 13 or 14 years old you tend to still be in this whole “puberty” phase. I remember really enjoying the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated and the fact that we happened to keep all issues of SI in the downstairs bathroom. It was a godsend. This was probably my first real encounter with the Germans and Heidi Klum and I became really close friends that year.

Well, wouldn’t you know it, going through all those girls got kind of boring after a while. I was flipping through the magazine looking for some new meat and it turns out my new victim would be the star of a cigarette ad. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I liked Brokeback Mountain before it was cool (even though that movie sucks major balls). I decided to try my hand at the cowboy. I’m pretty sure that this ad with the muscular cowboy smoking a cigarette with bare arms, sweaty and dirty, was put in this magazine simply to help young guys like me “discover themselves.” But I hate that term and therefore it will forever be doomed to living within quotation marks.

this is the one, boys

That damn cowboy. He is what got me to look to the internet to see what was wrong with me. Why was doing the business with this MAN more fun than with Heidi Klum. I mean, I could actually see her breasts, and they were wet, and I was on a page with a guy!? Well, thanks to friends like Napster and Kazaa (which one still existed then?) I was able to quickly download pictures and eventually videos which would indeed prove to myself that yes, I was indeed one of those queers, even though I wasn’t really sure I knew what that meant. Who knew that it meant I had to develop a lisp and become an extreme liberal who thinks of nothing other than sex, all day every day? Go figure.

Well, a few months later I had decided to try my hand at websites (no pun intended), which was clearly a bad idea. I knew how to use computers really well, but I was also stupid. I didn’t think to delete the history that was collecting every time I needed to uh … question my sexual orientation. One fine weekend my mother called me downstairs, “Bill,” (yes, Bill. Fuck you!) “I have to ask you a question.”

I’ve blocked a lot of this from my memory because it was incredibly embarrassing. I don’t recall the exact details, but it involved my mother asking me if I had been going to any websites I shouldn’t be going to. I do remember the first sentence I said though, “I think I might be bisexual.”
That’s bullshit. I knew damn well that I wanted the co- …. country home goodness of a cowboy. Yes. I knew I was gay but I didn’t want to admit it to her, and possibly not to myself either.

Actually, the transition between 8th grade and my freshman year is really fuzzy. I came out to my best friends at the end of 8th grade, so this masturbation stint must have happened then, but my mom didn’t question me on the subject until high school, which also happens to be when I was dating my first boyfriend/kiss/etc. What I’m saying is, if you ever write my biography, you may want to reference my journals for exact dates and details.

My mom told me that it was probably was just a phase but that she would love me no matter what. She said I was too young to know what I wanted sexually. Well, she was wrong and she came to see that after a while. She’s currently a member of HRC (but I didn’t tell her about that hippie PFLAG shit) and she’s pretty freakin’ cool. I mean, she’s going for her blackbelt in Judo right now. Just sayin’.

But yeah, she agreed to not tell my dad because at this point in my very short life I really really hated him. A lot. A lot of it had to do with how I felt he treated me unfairly and I felt he hated my boyfriend Adam because he was very flamboyant and, yes, around the 4th or 5th grade, he made me feel I was fat. I probably wasn’t but I still feel to this day that I was indeed a chubby little middle-schooler who couldn’t find a date.

Then, it was my sophomore year of high school and I told my family that I didn’t want to go on vacation with them to Disney World. I told them I would be a pain in the ass like I was on our last vacation and that it would just make everyone miserable. They remembered the last vacation and they decided to let me stay at Amy’s for the week, but I would have to spend Easter with my cousins and would spend the first two nights of break at Uncle Tim’s.

I was earning hours for my driver’s license so I was driving myself with my dad as a co-pilot. It was just the two of us driving from our little southside suburb to a very Irish part of southern Chicago. He turned to me, “Bill,” (Fuck you!) “I know that you and Nathan are … a couple. I just want you to know that no matter if you are gay or straight or bisexual or whatever, you’ll always be my son, and I am very proud of you and I will love you no matter what.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about it that entire break. It terrified me. My mom had told him. I said something like, “Ok,” and “I love you too.” Something along those lines. Since then, my relationship with my dad has gotten a million times better. I love hanging out with him and making him laugh with my weird humor and building stuff with him or drinking a beer with him and his buddies in the garage (we’re classy southsiders) or whatever. Having my parents come out for me was one of the greatest things that could have happened for my relationship with my family. I know that I’m lucky and that not everyone has this. A kid I knew in high school got chased out of his house by his dad who was threatening to shoot him if he ever came back. I’m pretty damn lucky.

But yeah, that got me to being really “out” at school, wearing rainbow pins and starting a GSA and having interviews in the local paper. It was the paper thing made me realize, oh wait, now my whole family can see this, I better tell everybody. And so we (my family and I) did. And it also happens that no one ever talks about it. The only time anyone has ever mentioned anything was my Uncle Joe when he asked if one of the organizations I was in at UIUC was LGBT-affiliated. It wasn’t.

Up until last Christmas I thought my Nana hated me. I set up this weird projection clock for her that she got for her birthday/Christmas (yeah, by the way, I share a birthday with Jesus Christ AND my incredibly religious grandmother) and after that she was just praising me all the time. It was awesome. Someone should have bought her that clock years ago.

I have about 15 minutes before I have to go to class, so I think I’m going to eat cereal instead of elaborating on what this is. Check out the video and go sign the petition. I’m not sure if it’ll do anything since the whole California marriage ruling is going to vote, but it definitely can’t hurt.

Watch the video. Sign the petition. And register to vote if you haven’t.

Petition: www.millionformarriage.org

Register to vote: www.rockthevote.com

If you have ever spoken to a male theater major, odds are that he’s a gay. I don’t mean to stereotype, it’s just the way it is. I did theater in high school, and if my colleagues weren’t out of the closet then, they came out later. Not all, no, but quite a hefty percentage. It is through this observation that I would like to make an a = b, b = c, so therefore a = c type of comment. I used to be a Mathlete, too. Clearly that didn’t work out for long because if it did, I would have a really awesome name to call this abc crap. So, based on this observation, actors are gay, actors act in musicals, and therefore musicals are gay.

HOWEVER, as is true with homosexuals, not all of them are good! Sure, Oklahoma! seems like a good idea at first, but then you realize, “Oh, Oklahoma! is actually the very spawn of all that is evil.” Did you know that the “!” is actually part of the title? It is. And it is very very bad. !!!

So, since I clearly need to protect you from the evil gays, today I would like to present to you the five musicals that are actually good and not filled with terrible music and lame ass chorus lines.

I look back on where I’m from
Look at the woman I’ve become

Hedwig and the Angry Inch – I have mentioned this movie before, and that is because it is fantastic. I’ve seen it live, I’ve seen it on cable, and I’ve seen it on DVD about a million times. It’s the story of Hedwig, that lovely girl from Berlin who used to be that lovely boy from Berlin. She moves to the U.S. with her lover and suddenly finds herself in a desperate situation. The music is a good mix ranging from some “harder” rock in songs like “Angry Inch” to country pop (Sugar Daddy) to the very melancholic and emo (Midnight Radio). When I first got this movie on DVD I watched it repeatedly, and when I wasn’t watching it I was listening to it. The story is incredibly different and puts forth some interesting questions such as “What is love?” “Who is my other half?” “How do we put ourselves back together again?” and of course, most important of all, “Where did that little kid learn to dance?” I realize I haven’t told you much of the story, but that’s because I don’t want to spoil it! Go! Rent! Now!

Tommy can you hear me?
Can you feel me near you?

Tommy – aka the Rock Opera from The Who, it’s the story of deaf, dumb, and blind boy (Tommy) who, through the magic of pinball, becomes a messiah. The movie has music written by The Who as performed not only by the band itself, but also the likes of Ann Margaret, Tina Turner, Eric Clapton, Elton John, and Jack Nicholson (!). This is again a movie that you can either watch the movie or just listen to the album when you get tired of looking at Ann Margaret rolling around in a slop of beans. Yes. A slop of beans.

She said, “Give me that hand, please, and the itch you can’t control.
Let me teach you how to handle all the sadness in your soul.”

Spring Awakening – This one is on Broadway right now and unfortunately hasn’t made it to the silver screen (eww, did I just say that?) just yet, but if you happen to be in New York, it’s definitely worth seeing. I cannot stress enough that the music in these musicals isn’t lame. It isn’t like that crap Wicked. It isn’t like Fiddler. It isn’t like Phantom. It’s actually cool. The story with Spring Awakening takes place in 19th century Germany among a cast of students in the age between … well, somewhere between middle school and high school. The kids are discovering their sexuality and go through interesting experiences such as, oh, I don’t know, having their father rape them. The music in this musical is often haunting, but that just makes me want to listen to it more. There’s pregnancy, there’s on-stage masturbation, there’s death. It’s very typical German. I love it.

Oh, toaster
Don’t you put the burn on me

Shock Treatment – This movie sucks. Really. It’s a terrible movie, but I think you should go check it out anyway, if not only for the music. One of the songs that got me hooked to this sequel to The Rocky Horror Picture Show is Bitchin’ in the Kitchen, a song about kitchen appliances. Go to YouTube and check out songs like Little Black Dress and Lullaby and try and tell me that you don’t like them. No. Don’t. You’ll hurt my feelings. The plot is really lame but “ahead of its time” in that it was about reality television. It was from 1981, but the idea of watching reality TV in musical form is kind of sickening. I understand this, but I still insist you check it out.

Black boys are delicious
Chocolate flavored love

Hair – Who doesn’t like hippies? My second roommate was a hippie (and if he says he’s not he’s a damn liar. He tied a hammock under my bed and went through a phase of veganism). Point is, I liked my roommate and I liked his hammock, so it only makes sense that I like this movie. It takes place in the 1960s during the Vietnam War and features many songs you probably actually know (Hair, (Age of) Aquarius, Manchester England). I first saw this movie during my freshman year of high school thanks to my best friend Amy who had been watching it, I believe, since she came out of the womb. That reminds me, props to Devin and his girl who is currently giving birth to twins. Anyway, back to the dirty hippies. Amy introduced me to this musical knowing I’d like it. Not only was the music awesome, but the topics covered in the movie? Sex, drugs, black people (!), war. That is basically my life in a nutshell. If you like sex, drugs, or black people, I highly recommend this one.

So that’s them. In no particular order, the five musicals that, while pretty gay, are actually pretty bitchin’. And stay away from Wicked. I saw it live with my ex a few years back, and while it was pretty cool live (eugh, don’t make me say that ever again), having to listen to that bullshit come out of a stereo is just torture. Except that song Popular. I like that one.

So if any of you out there are looking for the song that’s going to be your big hit, you should pay attention, because we are talking to Phil Collins’s people. But then again… aren’t we all?

I watch YouTube much too often. I just found out that the latest YouTube sensation is a video of U.S. soldier tossing a puppy off a cliff. In the video he puts the puppy in front of the camera, tosses it, you watch it spin in the air, and then the camera goes back to him smiling and laughing. I’m not sure if the puppy is real or not, but I think this is a very interesting video.

I do not advocate the killing of puppies. In fact, some might say I even like puppies. A puppy lover, so to say. People on the street often see me and say, “Oh lookie there Josephine, isn’t that Liam the puppy lover? What a swell fellow!”

However (and there’s always a however), I think that it’s interesting because of all the comments that this video is getting. It’s one puppy (which may or may not be real) and its supposed death (crippling?) is pissing off a lot of people. It’s senseless death. U.S. soldiers are killing Iraqis over oil every day. Videos of this DO exist, but are people getting pissed off at it? Are these killings not just as senseless?

Yes, puppies matter, but so do humans.

I understand that this is a blog in the LGBT section, so I’m gonna tie in some gayness real quick: respect life, regardless of color, creed, sexual orientation, sexual practices, whatever.

Thank you, YouTube, for showing us just how much bullshit in the world does exist. And thank you U.S. Soldier who killed a puppy; I’m getting a message out of it that you may or may not have intended.

Do something. Vote.

http://rockthevote.com/

The German national soccer team wasn’t the only one sucking balls last night. The Museums Quartier in Vienna had me really excited. They set up these giant pink soccer nets with the words “Homo: Foul” written across them, saying it was an exhibit on homosexuality in football (soccer, for all of you CUH-RAAAAZY Americans out there). The reason it was put on display now is because of the Europa Meisterschaft, which upon a quick google I have come to the realization that in English is called UEFA EURO 2008. I’m just going to call it the EM.

I thought this would be a really bitchin’ exhibit, or at least somewhat educational. The exhibit was first recommended to me by a woman by the name of Ewa Dziedzec, a lesbian woman who works for the Green Party here in Austria. I had organized an interview with her to discuss homosexual marriage in Europe for a paper/presentation I’m giving two weeks from now. In the interview I asked her what she thought was more important, events like the Pride Parade (Austria: Rainbow Parade, Germany: Christopher Street Day) or exhibits such as the one she had mentioned. She said both were important and that it would be impossible to decide which to get rid of; some people like going to big events like the Rainbow Parade and some people like going to museums. Well, normally I would agree, but like I said, it sucked balls. Here was a chance to bring some education about gays having to hide their identity in sports across the world and what was the exhibit really? A bunch of posters. It was 33 posters designed by people Europe-wide with the message that homophobia is indeed a bad thing.

That’s all well and good, but they had such a fantastic opportunity! Why am I not seeing any education on the subject of homosexuality? Two days ago in my history class I learned that while there are memorials for every group of “minorities” placed into concentration camps across Austria, there is only one group that doesn’t have a memorial: the queers. I mean, they even gave the Jews a memorial! Of all people!

Okay. Maybe I shouldn’t be making Holocaust jokes in a blog about how there needs to be more public education about tolerance, but for some reason it just seemed to fit. Seriously, does anyone think we’ll actually forget about the Jews? They sure do complain about it enough.

Ok I’ll stop I’ll stop.

If you would like to check out some of the posters, feel free to do so here:

http://diestandard.at/?url=/?id=1207285718988

These are all the posters that were on display. Yeah, so you don’t even have to go to the exhibit to see them. What’s worse is that while the giant pink net is eye-catching, it just screams out the damn clichés, which happens to be the same problem I have with the Pride Parade. It’s all about clichés and pushing products and/or politicians.

Last night I was in the Fan Zone in between the city hall and the Burgtheater. They have some giant screens set up and tons of fans showed up from Germany, Austria, Croatia, and Poland. It was really awesome to be there for the intense atmosphere of the crowd, though it’s too bad Germany sucked and gave up two goals to Croatia. When the Austria game started this fat Austrian with a giant foam hat and large Austrian flag screamed, “90% of the Austrian fans are fags! I’m a real fan!”

We need sports players to come out of the closet. They need to show they have balls, but more importantly they need to show very fat very non-athletic jerks like this guy that queers can kick ass, too. The queer youth needs more role models than just Cher and Ellen Degeneres. I mean, Ellen’s great and all, but to use a cliché (if the parade can do it, I can do it), our flag is a freaking rainbow. We need to show that we come in all colors, not just neon pink.

A couple of queer soccer fans

So Angsty!

PS I want to promote an “emerging” artist that I like. Jay Brannan (who you all undoubtedly know from the John Cameron Mitchell movie Shortbus) is releasing his first album on July 15th. He’s also coming to Chicago on July 28th, so you should totally grab tickets (at 15 bucks a pop) and check him out. It’s an all ages show so you should bring your kid sister. I’m sure she’ll love angsty emo/folk music with titles such as “I Want to be A Housewife” and “goddamned.”

You can buy tickets here:

http://www.ticketweb.com/t3/sale/SaleEventDetail?dispatch=loadSelectionData&pl=&eventId=267579

And you can check out his music here:

http://youtube.com/user/jaybrannan

I just got back from “doin it” with a group of like … 8 guys, and you know what, more often or not, they were shaved. Ok, the doin’ it part isn’t true, but I have been taking a boxing class here and I do happen to see naked men here quite often. Now, mind you, I don’t know if they’re heterosexual or homosexual, but based on statistics that were probably taken in the 1970s in the U.S. by some pro-queer group, 1 in every 10 of them is gay. It also so happens that way more than 9 out of 10 happen to be shaved, and not just down there, but quite often under their arms too. How many exactly? I’m not sure, but next time I will be sure to bring a notepad and a marker made especially for tallying such things. I’ll also bring my camera and ask if they mind me taking pictures. They’re European so they shouldn’t care, right?

The first time I changed into my Illinois tank I didn’t realize that I was the odd man out by having armpit hair. I always thought that even European women had armpit hair, but I guess it’s just those dirty dirty French people. Not that I stereotype.

The second time that this was brought to my attention was when I was going to wear a different tank to a club that we were off to. My friend Roland said that if I insisted on wearing this shirt I would have to shave first. Armpit hair is apparently such a travesty that it not only embarrasses you, but the people around you as well.

I changed my shirt. I was not about to shave away the last bit of American dignity I had away so I could impress the gays at Why Not, the only gay club in Vienna. However, while not aiming to impress, I still wanted to seem decent, which is exactly what led to the shirt change.

The moral of today’s story: Looks Matter. They do, and you’re a fool if you believe otherwise. A damn fool! If you don’t care about what you look like when you go out, it’s as though you’re saying, “Hello World, I give up. Please, kill me now.” Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s a direct quote I heard someone say when talking about seeing a person wearing sweatpants to class.

A fun (!) comparison is between the students at the Economics University of Vienna (http://www.wu-wien.ac.at/) and the students at the University of Illinois. Here in Vienna, students seem to wear nothing less than their finest shirts and black pants to class. Admittedly, this is disgusting in the summer, so right now a lot have switched to the casual polo. At the U of I, men are often seen wearing pajama pants with cartoons of beer mugs on them and women are often seen wearing bar crawl tees and giant sunglasses worn primarily to hide their hangovers. I’m not sure which I prefer better: in Vienna you have to be pretty 24/7, but at U of I, even my bad days are better than what I see students wearing half the time.

What I really detest is when I see students give presentations in front of classes full of a couple hundred students and dressed as though they didn’t know they would be presenting today. How I feel about this is basically if you aren’t giving yourself 20 minutes of attention by showering and pulling on some jeans in the morning, how do you expect me to give you 40 minutes of my attention to you in a classroom I probably don’t want to be in in the first place?

I recently heard on some strange German news program that the wage you earn varies based on how tall you are, with average height people earning 9 to 17% more than those who are a bit shorter.

I had posted links but they totally stretched out the page, which isn’t cool, so a hint to looking up these articles would be using JSTOR or Google and using keywords such as “height” and “wage.”

Being pretty matters. The prettier you are, the more people will like you. The taller you are, the more money you will make. Well, maybe. If you go through life wearing sweatpants everyday, you will not be successful. Definitely. Maybe this all seems obvious, but I don’t hear enough people admitting it. All I usually hear is that marketing companies give us unreal expectations of what men and women should look like. I’ve seen the locker room at the sports university and let me tell you, those expectations have become very very real for me.

I’m not shaving my armpits. I have too much American pride for that (go figure). But, I am keeping them well-trimmed and paying much closer attention than ever before. Now, let’s just hope karma doesn’t come kick me in the ass by having a truck roll over my face for admitting to this.

Me (clearly) and this cool mirror I have that changes the colors of the shirt that I am wearing

I’m going to the mountains this weekend, and that means instead of taking the time to write original thought I am going to take this time to update you on gay news, which from here on out I will only refer to as Sparkle Newz.

First, Obama is apparently the nominee for the Democratic Party. Some people are pissed but it doesn’t really matter at this point. In terms of being cool for the gays, Obama is for equal rights and repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. He’s not all about gay marriage but he is all about “strong civil unions.” John McCain, on the other hand, says that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is working and to leave it alone. John McCain is also for bringing the 10 commandments into our schools. I’m voting Ron Paul.

The California Supreme Court decided on May 15th that denying marriage to queers is indeed discriminatory. Who knew? Anyway, gay marriages can legally start up on June 17th. An interesting little turn is that it’s actually going to go to a popular vote in California and will change California’s state constitution. Want to see a funny little piece of information?

“Bakersfield carrot farmer William Bolthouse donated $100,000 to an initiative aiming to fight gay marriage — a measure that will appear on the Nov. 4 ballot along with the presidential race.”

Quoteth Bakersfield.com.

ALSO! Two lesbians at a Seattle baseball game were asked by an usher to stop kissing because someone complained that they’d “have to explain that to their children.”

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/US/06/05/seattle.kiss.ap/index.html

Then, my favorite piece of Sparkle Newz, last night was the finale for Germany’s Next Top Model (starring Heidi Klum). A girl with fake blonde hair won. Shortly thereafter I drank some wine and ate some chips. They were pretty damn good chips.

The one in the middle. But like … duh.

I’m off to the mountains. Go rent The Piano Player (La Pianiste, Die Klavierspielerin). It’s a good one.

Oh! And before I forget, my dearest pal Triple Entendre has started a blog here on the217. I recommend checking it out if you like people who are funny and/or people who enjoy Noodles & Company. Since I don’t know how to do fancy things like creating clickable links, here’s a URL for you. At least I know how to use Ctrl+C Ctrl+V, right?

http://blogs.the217.com/tripleentendre/

I remember learning at a very young age that one should treat women with respect, especially old women. I’m not sure if it was my dad or if it was TV that taught me that it’s always a good idea to open doors and to pull out chairs. I don’t take many women out on dates, so the pulling out chairs thing doesn’t happen that often unless it’s for my mom or nana or someone of the like. However, I do make a point to open doors for women, whether I know them or not. I cannot count the number of times I have been stuck holding a door open because for some reason a flock of women all decide to leave or enter a building at the exact same time.

Many women like to be treated like princesses. Not all, not most, but many do indeed enjoy this. Maybe actual princesses get a lot more than a chair pulled out for them and a door held open, but I think you can see where I am going with this. In heterosexual dates, it tends to be assumed (at least from what I have gathered, do correct me if I’m wrong) that the guy will pick up the check. It is the guy’s responsibility to take the woman on a date that she will enjoy. He must choose the classy restaurant, open the door to the car, open the door to the restaurant, pick up the check, open the door again, and again, etc. etc. Women love this shit and if it doesn’t happen on a date, the guy is thought of as a total douche who doesn’t know how to “treat a lady.”

Now, here’s my problem: why do women need these things? Why do girls need to be treated with more respect than guys? I understand in terms of a date that a guy is trying to seduce her and whatnot, but these rules apply outside of the dating world as well. One should ALWAYS hold the door open for the female, not just when he’s trying to score points. Why is it men holding doors for women, and not the other way around? Personally, I see that as a woman presenting herself as indeed the weaker sex. By necessitating special treatment because she’s a woman, she is telling the man that she is indeed a prize to be won.

Women want equal rights. They want the right to vote and the right to equal education and the right to make a dollar for every dollar a man makes, not just the 75 cents (which, if I heard correctly, is the current statistic). Why, then, are men the only ones who are required to sign up for the draft? I hardly see this as equal rights. If a woman wants to have equal rights, she too should need to die for her country (which, by the way, I think is absolute bullshit and am thankful for the ability to “tell” of the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy, but that’s another issue entirely). And here in Austria, only men are required to work for their army for a minimum of 6 months (or Zivildienst for a minimum of 9 months). Austrian women aren’t required to do either. It seems the princess rules are international. I also think that these rules involving opening doors and pulling out chairs are ridiculous because at one moment she wants to be treated like a princess and the next she wants to be treated as an equal.

Ah, but that’s the thing, she wants to be a Princess. She doesn’t want to be an ordinary woman; she wants to be a woman above men. A princess, of course, has more power than a mere peasant. What women want, in my eyes, is not equal rights, rather, they want more rights than men. They want equal pay but they don’t want to have to fight for their country. They want the man to pay for their meal. And they get it. They want the man to put up the Christmas lights on the house and to get that heavy box out of the attic. They just don’t have the dollar. I feel I should remind you that I’m not describing ALL women, just some of them.

I know that if a woman reads this she’ll more than likely say it’s not true, that she too would die for her country. Let me take a quick walk down memory lane. Remember high school gym class? Remember swimming? I always found it interesting how many girls seemed to get their period several times a month and would coincidentally no longer be required to swim. Seems like an abuse of power to me, and it seems that if these girls are willing to fake a period to get out of swimming, they’re not exactly going to be rushing to the front lines to fight for the U.S. The big problem with this is that in order to get these special rights, they need to make you feel sorry for them, and perhaps it is for this reason that they aren’t really getting the princess respect that they feel they deserve.

I’m not going to stop opening doors for women. For some reason, I do believe they deserve to have the door opened for them. I don’t know if it’s just through constant societal training or if I believe it really is the right thing to do. I don’t like the argument that it has to do with a woman giving me birth, because while that’s true, and I am glad that my mom did, I only see that as a reason to give respect to my mom. It doesn’t really matter to me if other girls choose to get knocked up and give birth. That’s their choice, or at least for the time being, right republicans? All I know is that I’m a slave to the system of giving women what could potentially be seen as “extra” respect, even if writing this seems to actually disrespect them. Maybe that’s what it really means to be a gentlemen.

One more note. NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THIS. Samantha from Sex & the City is my ideal woman. I could explain why, but if you know the show, you know Samantha and you don’t need me to explain. If you don’t watch the show, you need to. But the point is that Samantha isn’t fictional. What inspired me to write this article was a conversation in which I realized one of my girlfriends really doesn’t play the princess card (well, at least without realizing she’s doing it). This girl is incredibly intelligent, beautiful, athletic and a real catch, I’d say, but she isn’t going to conform to societal norms. She gives it her all. I respect that. This actually goes for all people, not just women. If the person doesn’t expect to just have life handed to them, and they work hard and aren’t going out and getting drunk every night or whathaveyou, I respect them. If they are going out all the time and not actually putting forth any effort, then no, I don’t have respect for them. I have seen this a lot in exchange students, they either work hard and get a lot out of their time in another country, or they’re lazy and just expect to have a good time. That’s great and fun, but I have no respect for people like that.

Now that I think about, my ideal women are always strong women who actually just seem to fit the qualities that are normally given to a man: Lara Croft, Lola from Run Lola Run, Marla from Fight Club, The Bride in Kill Bill. These are women I can actually imagine doing something manual. These are girls I can see breaking a sweat. These are women who aren’t going to wait for a man to open the door. I dig it.

from http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

P.S. I think it is important to note that most (if not all) of my female friends are girls that I can imagine sweating, and I’m not just saying that to save my balls. Like I said, if they don’t sweat, it’s much too hard to respect them, and if I can’t respect them, how can I call them my friend?