Gay people piss me off. Not all gay people, just the ones who claim to be straight-acting, or, as defined by themselves, “str8” acting. Apparently the straighter you are the more your spelling goes to complete shit. Don’t get me wrong. I am not talking about masculine gay guys. But this is not what a straight-acting guy actually is.
Str8-Acting, as defined by me: A gay guy who wants to present the image of being straight. He plays sports and has lots of straight friends and just looooves frat parties and getting totally schwasted. But don’t forget, he tries to play off this straight image all the time. Most of his gay friends are also straight-acting and they tend to be in the closet, though secretly hooking up with random frat boys thanks to wonderful websites like Craigslist.org. Allen Hall Cafeteria, don’t act like you don’t know who I’m talking about. I am not quite sure what is so attractive about this. What I want is a man, that is to say, not acting at all:
Man: a guy who is pumped full of testosterone. Maybe he plays sports, maybe he wears scarves in the summer, maybe he has scruff, but with or without these he most definitely has balls. He is not going to go around pretending he is something he is not. He’ll tell you like it is and if you don’t like it, it’s your problem, not his. He is competitive. He will put up a fight and he will defend you. He may have either masculine or feminine qualities, but these do not define him as a whole. He is his own person and he’s not going to try to fit in.
This is NOT a synonym for straight-acting. I have straight friends, I have gone to class with many straight men, and as it so happens both my father and my father’s father have both slept with women (or so I’ve been told), but I would not be willing to say that all of these people meet the qualities of being men. There are plenty of straight guys running around the U of I campus who would not be willing to fight for their woman, guys who are not always honest, and guys who are not always willing to make a decision. They may technically be men, but they don’t have balls. They are, however, straight. Ah ha! You see the conundrum!
Basically, I find all of the queers who are str8-acting to be total pussies who are not willing to be themselves. There are plenty of straight men on campus that are also str8-acting, trying to put out an image that they simply aren’t. These are the guys who spend a lot of extra time at the gym and have bigger breasts than their girlfriends. These are the guys who toss the terms “fag,” “homo,” and “Pike Nation!” around in order to prove that they are indeed men. Real men do not need to prove they are men because they know that what they have in their shorts is proof enough.
My advice is basically something I read on the side of a wall in Vienna: If you are an apple, do not try to be a banana. You will always just be a second-rate banana. I am sure it’s a quote from some random hippie and appears as MySpace headlines across the nation, but the message is what’s important: just be yourself. If you’re masculine, be masculine. If you’re feminine, be feminine. If you’re something that is not defined by any particular word in our society, that’s fine too, be that. But do not try to kid yourself; you’re not impressing anybody. And get a haircut. You’re supposed to be str8, not a sloppy mess.
Liam Reed: 1987 model, runs fairly well, few dents, starts in cold weather, no baggage, loves flea markets and canned soup
Comments
Suleman Hussain (Suleman Hussain) says:
(Posted May 10th, 2008 at 9:31 am)
This is why we’re friends. You rock.
Geoffrey (Geoffrey) says:
(Posted May 11th, 2008 at 12:32 am)
I think you might be over simplifying the identity issues many of these men have. I have not been in school here for 2 years. When you are not in school young people tend to ignore you. So I have utilized craigs list to meet men. Yes, many of them are closeted. Hearing them tell there stories… they are going through alot. I think in your frustration you forget they are still kids many of them, struggling to learn who they are.
I have been out since 14. I have many friends, most of which are straight. Yes, in many ways I have “queen” like qualities. I love musical theatre, and when overly caffinated can sometimes be effeminate. I also hate sports, except wrestling (thats hot!), and am a total bottom. I also am a big dork.I have a dark side caused by a previous death and past health issues. I’m honest and speak my mind. I am a million different things wrapped up into one complex package. As is every person. I know myself.
What you want is something far more complex then what you have here. The man you find for you may be all the wrong things. You can’t choose who you love. Obviously you want someone who knows themselves. Someone who dosn’t need to wear masks. Sadly though we all have something we never show. Then again nothing kills a relationship faster then full disclosure.
sorry this is so long. Just some random free writing. Your note just struck a chord with me. I understand your complaints. But I have dated many of these types of guys you describe and getting to know them…. I think I am beginning to understand them. I do not envy them…
Mary Z. (Mary Z.) says:
(Posted May 11th, 2008 at 11:17 am)
If you are an apple, do not try to be a monkey. They are two completely different objects.
Liam Reed (Liam Reed) says:
(Posted May 12th, 2008 at 11:17 am)
Kevo) Totally a shout out to you. Which reminds me, I took a picture of a scarved man in Burggarten yesterday. It was at this point that I informed all my Austrian pals about the game “Gay or European.” They were only somewhat pleased.
Sule) Agreed, this IS why we’re friends. That, and the fact that your mom loves me and can’t get enough of me and always invites me over even when you’re not around.
Mary) I disagree. If you don’t realize that monkeys can clearly symbolically represent apples, you have failed as an English major. Your degree means nothing. Nothing!!
Geoffrey) I think there is a difference between not being able to come out and not being able to defend yourself/your partner, but you’re right in thinking that I am in the mindset that these men who hide in the closet for many many years into their adulthood do not meet my definition of “man.” I am all about the use of craigslist, but for some reason I do not envision many gay males in the Champaign Urbana finding love on the same site. A random hook up, sure, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but love? That’s a separate issue altogether.
Choose who you love? I’m not sure what you mean by saying that the man I find may be all the wrong things. I define the wrong things, among others, as: deceitful, drug using, self-obsessed, non-caring, non-intelligent, non-creative, and, of course, ball-less. If I meet someone who is all of these things, I will not even have respect for them as a human, let alone actually love them. I think there is something to be said about being able to “choose” your love in that “du bist was du isst,” you are what you eat, and you are the company that you keep. Do you know what I mean? I can clarify further if need be, but my head is stuck in a Thomas Bernhard book right now so I’m not sure if I’m explaining everything the way it needs to be explained.
Heartz.
Tom Piekosz (Tom Piekosz) says:
(Posted May 12th, 2008 at 11:59 am)
I think that I would be more worried about straight men ‘checking out’ the females in the military then a gay man checking me out. I think this is a good counterpoint for gay men to say ‘hey your worried about me? Next time we go into a firefight how about not showboating for Priv. Sally, and covering me’
Jon Hansen (Jon Hansen) says:
(Posted May 12th, 2008 at 4:06 pm)
Interesting post. I find it particularly interesting because I had a blog on this site called “The Straightest Gay” until I only found myself posting once every two weeks. (Don’t worry, it’s coming back)
Anyway, I have a question. I don’t “act straight,” it’s just who I am. I love my sports, most of my friends are straight, etc. etc. So does that offend you? Or is it only when people who aren’t that way pretend to be?
Also, a lot of this may not be a gay-straight identity issue. Some gay guys who “act straighter,” may in fact be just acting more “fratty,” –or some other identity. They may just be trying to fit in with the group they want to associate with, not trying to mask their sexuality.
Liam Reed (Liam Reed) says:
(Posted May 12th, 2008 at 6:22 pm)
In terms of it offending me … it’s sort of how you represent it. I think it’s incorrect to label something as average as “liking sports” as being something “typically straight.” My boyfriend has an incredible body, one of my exes/amazing friends plays for one of the teams here at U of I (and is going to nationals, wooty woot), and here in Vienna I’m boxing and working out just as much as any “straight” guy. That’s where I encounter a problem: being athletic is not something limited to heterosexuals. It’s just an average thing that people do. Labeling it as straight makes it seem that homosexuals are lesser beings because of it, and that a gay man playing sports makes him something special and out of the ordinary. I think that a gay man labeling something such as sports as straight simply reinforces stereotypes.
You’re right about the guys acting “fratty.” I know guys who are in frats and their frats know they’re gay and they’re cool with it, and the gay guys act “fratty.” Thing is, they have the balls to tell their brothers that they sleep with dudes and not with chicks. Basically, I find that if you are lying about who you are, you’re not a man. If you’re honest, then you are, regardless of what stereotype you fit.
Do you see what I mean?
Jon Hansen (Jon Hansen) says:
(Posted May 12th, 2008 at 10:25 pm)
Here is what I still don’t understand….when you say:
“Basically, I find all of the queers who are str8-acting to be total pussies who are not willing to be themselves.”
Define “acting.” I guess I don’t know if you mean “pretending” or whether by “straight acting” you also include people that are just naturally more “masculine” or “straighter” (whatever that means)
Kevin McLoughlin (Kevin McLoughlin) says:
(Posted May 13th, 2008 at 3:01 am)
Liam, stop bragging about your boyfriend’s body.
And far be it from me to speak for anyone else, but I interpreted Liam’s blog as a criticism of those who attempt to assume behaviors that aren’t “natural” to their characters. There does at times - and here this is based off of my own observations as opposed to anything resembling an academically valid study - seem to be a bias towards ’straight-acting’ individuals, particularly amongst those who might not be as open about their sexualities.
By using the appellation “str8″ as opposed to “straight,” Liam is specifying those who adhere to a normative conception of gender behavior. Thus, “straight” means you are a male attracted to females, while “str8″ means you are a male who consciously tries to embody behaviors that aren’t related to the act of sex, but instead are societally associated with masculine gender identities.
As he points out with his examples of himself, his boyfriend, and his friend, these behaviors themselves aren’t actually negative. What he objects to, at least according to my interpretation, are the ideas that “masculine” behaviors are A) specifically associated with heterosexuality or at least the suppression of a homosexual identity, B) preferable to more “feminine” characteristics and C) mutually exclusive from those characteristics.
Liam Reed (Liam Reed) says:
(Posted May 13th, 2008 at 3:07 am)
Kevo,
You are right on the money. (I tried to think of another way to say that for an entire minute but it was the only thing I could come up with). But, yes, that’s exactly what I meant and you can totally speak on my behalf. At least with this particular issue. Just stay away from my bank account. Those are my own affairs.
And fine! I’ll stop bragging about his body … but isn’t he cute?
Danny (Danny) says:
(Posted May 16th, 2008 at 5:38 pm)
I think that 95% of the reason of why i hate the str8 acting people is the eight. Those amberzombies should suck it! what the fuck
Suzzanne (Suzzanne) says:
(Posted June 16th, 2008 at 2:26 am)
I don’t know or understand why there has to be such ugly pictures od people of gender ? Not all crossdressers tend to lean to the same sex in the same way ! Granted there is a fair percentage of those male to females do end up with males as sex partners. But there is still a percentage of males that stay with genetic girls as sex partners. I cannot speak for everyone,but I can speak for myself ! I am a transexual that loves being a woman. I love dancing and being in the company of men . That does not mean that I am gay ! I was born female in a males body. This has been proven thru doctors . Seeing that it has taken such a long time to transition to my true identity ,I can tend to have either male or female lovers . I don’t consider myself to be gay,I am just human ,and I enjoy my options !None of which makes me a strange person,if you had met me out some where ,whether at a grocery store ,department store,at the beach,or in a bar,I am a friendly individual that is a very smart and easy to be friends with ,not sexually in case that popped in someones mind ! To me ,I can take sex or leave it ,it is not an over all thing at the top of my list of things to do ,like some people think ! I consider myself female,I am very feminine ,and that is the way I live my life!
Liam Reed (Liam Reed) says:
(Posted June 16th, 2008 at 5:10 am)
Transexuality in itself is a really interesting subject, Suzzanne. If people really believe that only 2 genders exist … they’re dead wrong.
Christian Lubich (Christian Lubich) says:
(Posted June 26th, 2008 at 8:54 am)
that’s true Liam, actually a lot more than 2 ….
for anyone who is interested in that particular should read this article from Anne Fausto-Sterling from 1993
http://bms.brown.edu/faculty/f/afs/fivesexesprnt.pdf
or the revision of this article from 2000:
Bryce Lobdell (Bryce Lobdell) says:
(Posted July 12th, 2008 at 3:43 pm)
I saw your blog on the facebook stalker-feed and had to take a look.
I hope someone will notice this post, since it is months out of date…
I am reluctant to use myself as an example of a “straight acting” gay man, but I will anyway because I know more about myself than I do about other “straight acting” gay men I know.
I think you’re interpreting too much about how “straight acting gay men” feel and the extent to which they “pretend” to be straight. I remember being self conscious about whether I “looked gay” when I was young. However that was a very long time ago. It’s been probably ten years since I felt concerned about my appearance of masculinity, and five years since I cared whether people thought or knew I was gay. As for my personality, likes and dislikes, appearance, and mannerisms: I bear a strong resemblance to my dad and brother and assumed I learned most of them from my dad.
Likewise, as you all probably know, there are many “gay looking” straight men out there… many of whom I’ve asked out before I learned they were straight. Likewise I know a handful of out gay people whose sexuality is opaque to me, and who are not the type of people to pretend to be straight.
To summarize: It seems like you are assuming too much about characteristics of gay men and that there might be other “flavors” out there…
Liam Reed (Liam Reed) says:
(Posted July 13th, 2008 at 7:41 am)
That’s my point Bryce, that we do come in different “flavors,” but by labeling one of the flavors as “straight” you stereotype all the other flavors as being not straight. It’s giving things such as sports and what we define as masculinity as being traits you normally only find in heterosexual males, which is clearly incorrect.
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Liam Reed
1987 model, runs fairly well, few dents, starts in cold weather, no baggage, loves flea markets and canned soup
Kevin McLoughlin (Kevin McLoughlin) says:
(Posted May 10th, 2008 at 3:12 am)
Whoa, I’m down with your blog.
And I’m taking the ’scarves in the summer’ comment to be a shout out to me. Or Europe. But we’ll say me. Shazam!