• the217
• Blogs
• Warrior Poet
• I’m Gonna Whittle You Into Kindlin’, or Samurai Test Taking Strategies

• RSS

I’m Gonna Whittle You Into Kindlin’, or Samurai Test Taking Strategies

posted by Carl Newman at 3:03 pm.

• Bookmark & Share
• Comments (7)

A week ago, I took the LSAT. This is one of the most difficult things your brain can do I’m told. Here’s a taste:

The girl sitting directly behind me passed out during when of the sections, fell clean out of her chair and hit the ground. I snapped my head back, saw her eyes were open and moving, and turned right back to the test.

That’s what it’s like.

But once you’ve lived through the LSAT, the idea of mere finals (I had three last week) seems almost comic. And they felt that way. Now I’m done, but here to offer those of you who do actually have finals during finals week a little test taking advice.

First, when I walked into the LSAT at Illinois Wesleyan, I looked around at the other twenty or so test takers and I thought to myself, “Well, I can take these assholes.”

The LSAT is a nationally administered test, and so this is not a realistic way to evaluate your chances on the exam, but I think that little, irrational, competitive moment probably boosted my performance.

Second, there’s music and mantras. I use music before, during, and after the test. Before, you need something that will get you into the right mindset. I recommend “Satan Said Dance,” “Daft Punk Is Playing At My House,” “Kick Out The Jams” (But only the original MC5 version), or “16 Shells from a thirty-ought six,” by Tom Waits. 16 Shells is perfect because then it also provides a mantra.

A mantra in high-stress test-taking is surprisingly effective. If you listen to 16 Shells before the test, I’d recommend just using a line from the chorus: “I’m gonna whittle you into kindlin’.

If you’re a big dork and taking an engineering final (but I repeat myself), I recommend the thing from Dune: I will not fear, fear is the mind killer. I will face my fear, I will let it pass through me.

Also, if you get part way through a test and have that sudden crisis of intellectual faith where you think you might have just screwed up the first half of the test, I would use the line from Grosse Pointe Blank: (exhale) This is me breathing.

When I was taking the LSAT, I used a somewhat unorthodox mantra. My short story professor, Oronte Churm, told me earlier this year about a particular saying he learned in the army, and I liked it so much that I used it to get me through the most high pressure test I’ve taken to date: “I am a six-cylinder motherfucker.” I just kept repeating that in my head at the start of each section of the test.

As Churm pointed out when he introduced the saying, “I’m not sure what that means, but I like it.” And when I get my LSAT score in January, we’ll see if it worked.

But your mantra isn’t the only thing in your head. I said music was important during the test too. This doesn’t work for everyone, and you certainly need to choose your piece carefully, but I like to run a song through my head (particularly during an essay response exam). It should be something simple (musically) and it must be something that you know all the words to. Otherwise it will be a distraction. I use the Beatles’ song “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.” But it’s up to you.

Now, you’ve got your mantra and your music. During the actual test, I recommend you think like a samurai.

There’s only one book I consistently reread, and that’s The Hagakure: The Way of the Samurai, a treatise on the samurai philosophy, and a collection of parables and maxims on how to be really good at anything, particularly decision making.

The samurai ethic, as the Hagakure describes it, is all about determination:

“If a samurai’s head were to be suddenly cut off, he should still be able to perform one more action with certainty.”

This is the best test-taking advice I can give. You know what you know, recall it, answer, and move on.

Also, for those who second-guess themselves in a stressful academic setting:

“In the words of the ancients, one should make his decisions within the space of seven breaths… A warrior is a person who does things quickly… It is a matter of being determined and having the spirit to break right through to the other side.”

Besides all of that, remember, in this job market, you’re probably going to end up going to grad school, and once you do, no one cares about your undergraduate grades anyway.

Carl Newman: appreciates when you don't feel like commenting, but still want to tell him what an asshole he is at warriorpoetresponds@gmail.com