Jun
18
2008

You Can Act Like A Man, or The Godfather Kicks So Much Ass

posted by Carl Newman at 5:12 pm.

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I got to watch the Godfather last night with someone who had never seen it before, which is a lot like watching someone’s first kiss, but way less fucking creepy.

The Godfather Part I and II (which are basically one six hour movie in my head) is the greatest film ever made, ever. I refuse to debate this topic when I am so clearly right.(Which is as close as I come to the Republican party).

What were you going to say was the best movie ever, Citizen Kane? It’s a fucking sled. Waaah, I’m rich and never satisfied by anything. Boo hoo for you Charles Fuckface Kane. Gone With The Wind? “Gosh, it’s so hard being rich, white, and beautiful in the south.” God as my witness.

Sorry, I need to shake that off for a second.

Like I said, greatest movie ever. I warned Alyssa before we sat down for three hours to watch it that the one bad thing about the Godfather is that it’s fundamentally a guy’s movie. And she gave me that “You’re such a cinematic chauvanist” glare (women. Am I right, fellas?), to which I replied, “Not because you’re somehow in capable of appreciating it. It’s just that the movie has a lot to say about being a son.”

Alyssa loved the movie, so I was totally wrong on her not being able to appreciate it. On the other hand, she might have just been lying after hearing me rant about how wonderful the film is.

The reason that the Godfather is so perfect is because it is the owner’s manual for manhood. The instructions for how to and how not to behave. Women have Jane Austen, the Brontes, and Gilmore Girls. We have Deniro, Brando, Caan, Pacino, and Duvall. It’s just that simple.

First, you got Brando’s two simple lines to Johnny “I’m based on Frank Sinatra” Fontane.

JF: (weeping)What can I do Godfather? What can I do?

Marlon “I Am All That Is Man” Brando: You can act like a man!

and later in the scene…

Brando: Good. Because a man that doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man.

These are the two basic rules for being a man. It’s honestly that simple.

Then in the Part II, the third rule, which I identify with as a sell out, is given by Hyman Roth:

“This. Is the business. We’ve. Chosen.”

Three rules. That’s it. 1) Don’t be a pussy. 2) Take care of your family. 3)Take responsibility for your life.

It’s that easy (in theory). But life is the gap between the way you live your life, and the way you think you’re supposed to live. So about once every three months I watch the Godfather. And I go, “OOOOOOHHHHHHH, Like THAAAAAAAAAAT.”

Anyways. Feel free to read Clemmo and Marebear’s posts about weddings right now for balance.

Carl Newman: appreciates when you don't feel like commenting, but still want to tell him what an asshole he is at warriorpoetresponds@gmail.com

Comments

courtney (courtney) says:
(Posted June 18th, 2008 at 8:13 pm)

“Women have Jane Austen, the Brontes, and Gilmore Girls.”

I feel as if though you truly understand me.

…and I’ve never seen The Godfather either. I kind of want to now. As if the Gilmores’ plan to watch “Sophia dying” at least three times before Rory left for college didn’t already instill that wish in my little head.

mzemait2 (mzemait2) says:
(Posted June 19th, 2008 at 12:00 am)

I once burned a Jane Austen novel because I hated it so much.

and hey, it’s not my fault that everyone in my life has been inviting me to weddings. i hate the fucking things, but right now, it’s all i’ve got to talk about.

and i do seriously want wedding pie.

Sarah (Sarah) says:
(Posted June 19th, 2008 at 8:46 am)

Guys movie?! False! I’ve loved the Godfather movies (I and II, III is like that kid you had waaaaaay after your other kids) for a long time now. I like that this series presents viewers with something that doesn’t happen very often: a situation where the sequel to the first movie is arguably better than the first. Just sayin…

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