Well folks, it’s official: The Chancellor hates the Greek system. I can’t wait for his annual e-mail in late February telling us how awesome Unofficial is, and pointing out the best tips for staying drunk all day.
The whole sha-bang is still being pieced together, as I write this, but a bunch of University e-mail addresses got a fake e-mail from Chancy H talking about, essentially, how fucking stupid the Greek system is. The public relations department then sent out a legit mass e-mail telling us that the Chancy e-mail was a fake. As if we didn’t get that from the fact that he signed it as “GDI,” aka “God Damn Independent” aka “some one not associated with a frat or sorority,” aka, “seriously, does anyone actually use that term?”
Talk about a public relations nightmare. This school is funded by three primary areas: 1) engineer alums 2) Greek alums and 3) Greek engineer alums. I ain’t no math magician, but something tells me this will affect donor relations with at least 2/3 of our Moneybags McGees. Not to mention the element of safety. What does it mean when some one can pose as the esteemed Chancy? I’m interested to hear more about how this whole deal went down and how they did it, and what that means for University security.
But let’s be honest. You thought it was kind of cool.
Because everyone secretly wants to be a hacker. People fantasize about 1) pulling off a successful heist and 2) having the ability to hack into files. At least with the latter, you don’t have to shoot anyone. Usually. You know it’s true. You want to be in a scenario where someone hatches a plot of some sort, and dammit, they can’t do it without your tech-savviness and contempt for authority! You want to be in that scene from that movie where the hacker clickity-clacks a few computer keys and gains access to records and somehow manages to uncover a government conspiracy. Hell, I know I do, but I’m still trying to figure out Excel. I’m not condoning what was done (and I should probably disclaim that neither does Illini Media, its affiliates, the rest of the University, my mom, etc) but there is a part of our messed up minds that takes pleasure in things like that. I learned about it in my English Literary Criticism course. Something about Freud or Nietzsche or death drive or waking up as a giant cockroach. It’s a little fuzzy, but basically, the reason we secretly revere these sorts of things is because we are stuck in our oppressive societal constructs, so it strikes a chord in us when we see someone doing something they shouldn’t be, even if it’s wrong. It’s kind of like when you’re watching Fight Club, and you sort of root for the anti-heroes for the first 2/3 of the movie.
Plus, the Greek system is pretty fucking stupid. I agree with everything Bizzarro Chancy said. Remember, prospective Greek pledges: You shouldn’t feel like you have to pay money to make friends. You go to U of I. You already are!
At first I got giddy when I thought the Chancy had had a moment of inspired badassedry and decided to send up the Greek system. Like, he’d gotten really sauced and had one of those moments like in Jerry Macguire where he decided to tell everyone what he really thought. Once I realized it’d obviously been faked, my next thought was “Woah, this is just like Pump Up the Volume! Revolution!”
You Christian Slater wannabes will most likely get caught in the next few days, and that’ll probably suck for you bigtime. But at least when you’ve been kicked out of the University and facing jail time or whatever, you can remember that most of us were secretly jealous of you for a while.
Don’t drop the soap,
GDI Triple Entendre
p.s. Please don’t hack into my blog. (You’ve been hacked. –Ed.)
Officials have released this sketch of the suspect for the e-mail hoax. He is considered extremely dangerous, and slightly reminiscent of a young Jack Nicholson at times.
Mary Zemaitis: I enjoy comedy. And entendres. Sometimes, Triple Entendres.
Comments
nikki (nikki) says:
(Posted September 3rd, 2008 at 8:45 am)
Must… resist… temptation to hack blog…
Sarah (Sarah) says:
(Posted September 3rd, 2008 at 11:05 am)
First of all, I call “nerd alert” on Carl Tiberium Newman. Secondly, I talked to a friend who once worked on the inside of the University’s system (aka, for, “the man”). He told me it’s really not actually that hard to get emails like that sent out. I wonder what the denizens of Juicy Campus have to say about this…
mzemait2 (mzemait2) says:
(Posted September 3rd, 2008 at 4:25 pm)
OH NO, I’VE BEEN HACKED.
(please, teach me your ways)
The Hacker (The Hacker) says:
(Posted September 5th, 2008 at 10:48 am)
BWAHAHA!
(the underlying principle of hacking: get administrative access in anyway possible, abuse it)
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I enjoy comedy. And entendres. Sometimes, Triple Entendres.
Carl Newman (Carl Newman) says:
(Posted September 2nd, 2008 at 10:27 am)
GDI stands for the Global Defense Initiative, the protagonist side in the classic Real-Time-Strategy game, Command & Conquer, and the sequels to said Westwood franchise.
Clearly, this hacker thought that the Greek system was in many ways akin to the Forces of Nod, what with their dangerous experiments on the alien element tiberium, their attempts at propaganda and thought control, and willingness to subject weaker peoples in the third world.
Also, they were led by a bald guy with a goofy goatee.
GDI, as I recall, was led by a black guy in the sequel, Tiberium Sun. Just a thought.