Hey there, kiddos, Triple Entendre here. I must apologize for being MIA lately. But enough about Sri Lankan rappers. I’ve had a crazy couple of weeks lately involving transitioning to full-time hours at my current job (academic hourly, what what), a job interview for a big-girl job, and accepting a job offer for said big-girl job (health insurance, what what). In the midst of this craziness, I have neglected you, oh wonderful 217 readers. I swear I was thinking about you the entire time. Let’s never fight again.

A few announcements:

1. God exists. For proof, see above.

2. I will be making my post-graduate debut in the group that I never really left - Fishing with Dynamite sketch comedy. We’ve gone “professional” which means that we’ve stopped pretending that we might use any of the resources the University offers to RSO’s, and that the group’s new executive producer Jon Hansen will have a heart attack at 30 — only one more year to go, Johnny boy! It also means we are going to have a kickass show with a capital “Sha-zaam!” this Thursday (TOMORROW) at the Canopy Club. Doors open at 6 pm for Debono improv, and Fishing goes on at 7 pm. Be sure to get there early to catch Debono, and to make sure you get a seat. Tickets are 5 bones at the door. Dollar bills are also accepted.

3. I will be taking a brief hiatus from Triple Entendre. Now, now, settle down. I SAID SETTLE DOWN PEOPLE! I shall

The first result when you google image search “Triple Entendre.”

return, but for a bit I will be working on a side project on the217. I’m not stopping Triple Entendre by any means, but in the next few weeks, you might not see many posts. What will be the Postal Service to my Death Cab for Cutie? The Ranconteurs to my White Stripes?

The Lowdown, a new blog that recently launched here on thegrandole217.com. It’s a blog with multiple contributors that post about a mish-mash of topics being discussed on the world wide interweb — politics, movies, music, current events, gossip, William Shatner, you name it. I’ll be blogging alongside Charlie “Pessimistic Cynicism” Johnson, Sarah “Hey, I used to have another blog on this site too!” Clemmons, Neel “Frat Boy Lost in Urbana” Chemburkar, and Elle “The Producer of the217″ Destree . The best part for you is that with the 4 of us using our powers for the good of mankind, you’ll never have to go a day without another 217 blog update. In other words, you’ll never have to start your homework when you say you will again.

Every 217 reader’s reaction.

Some people use their blogs to plug Super Fantabulous Gay BBQs. However, I am morally and politically opposed to BBQ’s. It’s a thing I have against acronyms.

Therefore.

I want to use this little corner of the interweb to remind you all about

The Study Abroad Fair
Thursday September 4
Illini Media Center (4th floor)
11-4 pm

I work for both the Study Abroad Office and Illini Media, so it’s like two parts of my life I try to keep separate colliding in a champaign supernova in the sky (oasis-related pun intentional).

Studying abroad is as cool as key lime pie, and you might remember that I listed it as one the things you need to do before you graduate. If you want to cross that off your list, the Study Abroad Fair is a great place to get started. All of our advising staff will be there, but tons of representatives from outside provider programs, Peace Corps, Financial Aid Office, IPENG, and much much more. Students who have studied abroad will be there as well, so you can get the story straight from the internationally aware horse’s mouth.

Oh, I should probably mention that the thoughts and views expressed on this blog do not represent those of the Study Abroad Office. Except the one that you should go to the Study Abroad Fair. For more info about our fabulous study abroad office, go here.

Just go. Or else I spent time putting up posters for nuffin.

Well folks, it’s official: The Chancellor hates the Greek system. I can’t wait for his annual e-mail in late February telling us how awesome Unofficial is, and pointing out the best tips for staying drunk all day.

The whole sha-bang is still being pieced together, as I write this, but a bunch of University e-mail addresses got a fake e-mail from Chancy H talking about, essentially, how fucking stupid the Greek system is. The public relations department then sent out a legit mass e-mail telling us that the Chancy e-mail was a fake. As if we didn’t get that from the fact that he signed it as “GDI,” aka “God Damn Independent” aka “some one not associated with a frat or sorority,” aka, “seriously, does anyone actually use that term?”

Talk about a public relations nightmare. This school is funded by three primary areas: 1) engineer alums 2) Greek alums and 3) Greek engineer alums. I ain’t no math magician, but something tells me this will affect donor relations with at least 2/3 of our Moneybags McGees. Not to mention the element of safety. What does it mean when some one can pose as the esteemed Chancy? I’m interested to hear more about how this whole deal went down and how they did it, and what that means for University security.

But let’s be honest. You thought it was kind of cool.

Because everyone secretly wants to be a hacker. People fantasize about 1) pulling off a successful heist and 2) having the ability to hack into files. At least with the latter, you don’t have to shoot anyone. Usually. You know it’s true. You want to be in a scenario where someone hatches a plot of some sort, and dammit, they can’t do it without your tech-savviness and contempt for authority! You want to be in that scene from that movie where the hacker clickity-clacks a few computer keys and gains access to records and somehow manages to uncover a government conspiracy. Hell, I know I do, but I’m still trying to figure out Excel. I’m not condoning what was done (and I should probably disclaim that neither does Illini Media, its affiliates, the rest of the University, my mom, etc) but there is a part of our messed up minds that takes pleasure in things like that. I learned about it in my English Literary Criticism course. Something about Freud or Nietzsche or death drive or waking up as a giant cockroach. It’s a little fuzzy, but basically, the reason we secretly revere these sorts of things is because we are stuck in our oppressive societal constructs, so it strikes a chord in us when we see someone doing something they shouldn’t be, even if it’s wrong. It’s kind of like when you’re watching Fight Club, and you sort of root for the anti-heroes for the first 2/3 of the movie.

Plus, the Greek system is pretty fucking stupid. I agree with everything Bizzarro Chancy said. Remember, prospective Greek pledges: You shouldn’t feel like you have to pay money to make friends. You go to U of I. You already are!

At first I got giddy when I thought the Chancy had had a moment of inspired badassedry and decided to send up the Greek system. Like, he’d gotten really sauced and had one of those moments like in Jerry Macguire where he decided to tell everyone what he really thought. Once I realized it’d obviously been faked, my next thought was “Woah, this is just like Pump Up the Volume! Revolution!”

You Christian Slater wannabes will most likely get caught in the next few days, and that’ll probably suck for you bigtime. But at least when you’ve been kicked out of the University and facing jail time or whatever, you can remember that most of us were secretly jealous of you for a while.

Don’t drop the soap,
GDI Triple Entendre

p.s. Please don’t hack into my blog. (You’ve been hacked. –Ed.)

Officials have released this sketch of the suspect for the e-mail hoax. He is considered extremely dangerous, and slightly reminiscent of a young Jack Nicholson at times.