Jul
1
2008

Paper Hearts and Sticky Schlongs: Sexual Miseducation in America

posted by mzemait2 at 11:01 am.

  • Bookmark & Share
  • Comments (17)

In my freshman year health class, we had a visit from the local “Keep Your Legs Closed Til Marriage” organization. Their abstinence presentation made up the bulk of our sexual education unit, the other part consisting of an hour where our teacher told us to silently read the chapter about reproduction in class and fill out the vocab questions at the end. The abstinence organization, therefore, was the main point of discourse. They talked about how abstinence is the most effective way to prevent pregnancy and crotch rot (which is true), but their arguments for abstinence were based upon the idea that sex is a special bond that is best shared with one person (your heterosexual husband or wife) and boinking with more than one person cheapens the act.

They did this one scenario exercise to make their point. They gave everyone in the class a paper heart, which was supposed to represent our love, or our capacity to love, or our soul, or purity, or something warm and fuzzy like that . They asked for a female volunteer to be the main character in the scenario. They would then have her go up to various guys in the classrooms and describe her “relationships” with these men. Their point was that every time you engage in sexual activity, you are giving a little piece of your heart away. So when the girl kissed a guy she dated for a year in the scenario, they exchanged tiny bits of paper heart love. And when she had sex with a guy on the first date who never called her back, she gave away a huge chunk of her heart and got nothing in return. The end of the scenario has her marrying a guy in the class who decided to stay a virgin until marriage. And his heart has a few nips and nibbles, but is mostly whole. Hers, meanwhile, looks like a crackwhore had a baby with Lincoln Hall. The presenters then asked, what kind of heart do you want to give to your future husband or wife?

For me, their whole abstinence spiel was preaching to the chaste choir. As some one who had already made the decision to not bump uglies until marriage, I had already bought what they were selling.

But even I knew that the paper heart metaphor was complete and utter bullshit.

I find it really disturbing that the main message I got from my sexual education in high school was that you can’t have a full heart if you’ve had pre-marital sex. What is even more disturbing is that this is pretty common experience. My friend Alyssa told me her high school had a similar presentation, but everyone had a piece of tape instead of paper heart. And the more you “stuck your tape” the less sticky it got, and the more worn out it got. Why do they keep comparing our naughty bits to office supplies?

“Your penis is like this stapler. The more you use it, the less staples you’ll have. And no one will ever be able to love an empty stapler.”

I’ve decided I’m going to start using that as a euphemism. “Wanna make my tape less sticky, big boy?” Let me tell you, if you find a guy who wears your tape out, he’s a keeper.

Alyssa also described an exercise where everyone had to pass around a flower, and after a few minutes of everyone handling the flower, it began to wilt. Obviously, that flower did not do Kegels as a preventative measure.

Well, ya know what? My heart is not made out of paper, and my vagina is not a piece of tape, so keep your metaphors away from me. And seriously, if your genitalia is sticky to begin with, you need to get your ass to McKinley post haste. Or try washing for a change.

If you want to practice abstinence, I fully support your decision, and there are many many valid reasons to do so (not getting knocked up being a very important one among them, along with not feeling emotionally ready, and wanting to wear white on your wedding without a sense of irony). However, I have huge issues with abstinence-only sexual education. Actually, I have huge issues with sexual education in this country in general, and I think so-called “comprehensive” sex ed could use a few reforms. My school district was not strictly abstinence-only focused, but abstinence was the only option that was vocally discussed with us, and the other options were shrouded in silence and vocab words. I support informing students about abstinence, but not as the only option. I think it is possible to inform students about other forms of birth control or sexuality in general without saying “go do it now! make babies! Might I suggest reverse cowgirl?” For some odd reason, people are afraid that if kids know about sex they are gonna run out and do the nasty. Well, I’ve got news for you: They are going to have sex anyways! Our Puritanical country assumes that a lack of knowledge will prevent the act. Why do we think that ignorance is a form of birth control?

the truth comes out

Abstinence-only education has failed many of us.

Abstinence-only education doesn’t even work. Study after study has shown that abstinence-only education makes no long-term impact on a person’s attitudes, intentions, or sexual behavior. However, people are more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior, like sex without a condom. The concept of teaching abstinence until marriage is also incredibly heteronormative, to use that lovely Women’s Studies buzzword. How do you teach abstinence until marriage where, statistically speaking, 10 percent of your students are unable by law to get married? Sounds like a job for the degayification camps!

Perhaps we need to remember to not just teach our youth to not do it or do it, but talk about valuing themselves. Instead of making them fill out the vocab at the end of the chapter, get them into an actual discussion. Make it something they can talk about.

Then again, maybe I’m just a girl with a dream and some random object as a far-fetched metaphor for my heart.

At all.

You really can’t argue with this.

Mary Zemaitis: I enjoy comedy. And entendres. Sometimes, Triple Entendres.

Comments

Carl Newman (Carl Newman) says:
(Posted July 1st, 2008 at 11:50 am)

“…she gave away a huge chunk of her heart and got nothing in return.”

“Nothing in return?!”

Does the word Spermatozoon mean nothing to you people?

Mary Z. (Mary Z.) says:
(Posted July 1st, 2008 at 12:03 pm)

Spermatazoon is an adequate substitution for love, in my opinion, but that’s not how the Don’t-Have-Sex people saw it.

Sarah (Sarah) says:
(Posted July 1st, 2008 at 2:03 pm)

What about reverse cowBOY, Mary? What about that?!

Mary Z. (Mary Z.) says:
(Posted July 1st, 2008 at 2:25 pm)

The physics is mind boggling. Clearly, reverse cowboy is only for superheroes and gymnasts.

Sarah (Sarah) says:
(Posted July 1st, 2008 at 4:13 pm)

And Jack Donovan: WATCHMAKER

Tom S. (Tom S.) says:
(Posted July 1st, 2008 at 5:15 pm)

Jeez, and people see us British as the prudes.

Our Sex Ed classes ruled. Our teacher was the young, hippy, art teacher, and one of our lessons consisted of writing as many slang terms down as possible for penis and vagina. We made it to two sides of paper for both. Granted, it’s not as funny now as it was when I was 14, but it made the impression that sex isn’t something to be shied away from, just a normal part of life that you can choose to take part in or not.

Wish they hadn’t shown us the birthing video, though, I could have done without that particular ingrained memory.

Charlie (Charlie) says:
(Posted July 1st, 2008 at 9:52 pm)

I had something similar. Except it might have been a basketball that get deflated slowly but surely. We had that A.C. Green bullshit. You know he totally porked chicks on the road after games.

Sarah (Sarah) says:
(Posted July 2nd, 2008 at 1:29 am)

I remember the 5th grade sex ed video. It involved female organs reproduced (pun definitely intended) as pancakes by a mom teaching her daughter about sex. Freshman year, my health/PE teacher told us about her parents trying out oral sex and deciding it was just “not for them.” Illuminating and yet, so very disturbing. Thanks Ms. Baber, this boink’s for you!

Liamz (Liamz) says:
(Posted July 2nd, 2008 at 3:19 am)

I hated those people. They’re they same people who gave us the ATM cards and the Simpsons pamphlets. Did you have Mr. Fowler? He was the worst person to teach us about sex. I remember this one kid, making fun of me, asked about gay sex, and Fowler told him to “look it up.” I was not pleased.

Mary Z. (Mary Z.) says:
(Posted July 2nd, 2008 at 8:33 am)

Tom: Brits aren’t prudes. They are delightfully reserved with a sense of whimsy about life. Haven’t you seen Mary Poppins? And for me, the list of slang terms would still make me laugh to this day. Immaturity or result of my high school sex ed? You decide!

Charlie: The true lesson is that you have to take care of your basketball. Fill it with air. And don’t let anyone touch your basketball if it makes you feel uncomfortable, even if it’s a coach or a priest.

Liam: I totally kept that ATM card in my purse. Simpsons pamphlet? I do not recall those. Gym teachers are a whole different rant for me. I truly don’t think that people who are qualified to teach us how to shoot a basketball should also be qualified to teach us sex ed. Insert pun about scoring.

Kathryn (Kathryn) says:
(Posted July 2nd, 2008 at 10:29 am)

I think only in Junior High did they try to preach abstinence only, and their main reasons to avoid sex was unwanted pregnancy and disease. Who cares about morals. In High School, I don’t remember much about it, but I know they pushed condoms big time. Luckily our male gym teachers who were forced to teach the class just wanted to get it over with and didn’t care what we got out of it.

nikki (nikki) says:
(Posted July 2nd, 2008 at 3:59 pm)

You know, I only had one semester of required Health class in high school, and of that maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe a week, week and a half tops, was dedicated to sex ed. It consiststed of the birthing video, and vocab words, as I recall.

Veronica (Veronica) says:
(Posted July 2nd, 2008 at 11:23 pm)

Perhaps it’s just because I have a terrible memory, but I don’t remember so much of the preaching from my sex ed. I remember learning how my body works and how I can get pregnant. They also told us about different STDs and how wearing a condom was effective and how it wasn’t. None of this paper/tape morality. It was awkward, hilarious, and looking back on it pretty educational.

So, thank you District 99.

Newman (Newman) says:
(Posted July 5th, 2008 at 2:28 pm)

Why do we think that ignorance is a form of birth control?

Ding, ding, ding… we have a winner!

John M (John M) says:
(Posted July 8th, 2008 at 2:08 am)

So thanks to districts 118 and 201 in southern illinois all i really learned in school about sex was the names and symptoms of STDs, but nothing as to how you actually acquired these diseases (or what they looked like, thankfully), the simple mechanics of sex - not the schools problem. sure i made a pamphlet on gonorrhea, but i didn’t even know what a discharge was at the time in jr. high. i don’t even remember if they mentioned condoms or not. it was pretty useless, and maybe they pushed abstinence, but not very well apparently since i can’t remember it. thank god for the internet. and the “streets”.

also british tom is commenting on this blog? awesome!

Meghan (Meghan) says:
(Posted July 18th, 2008 at 9:46 pm)

Well-said.

I went to a tiny Catholic school (I’ve pretty much blocked out the experience), so I definitely got the whole “You will get pregnant and die” schtick. Most of my sex ed came from reading my sister’s Seventeen magazines. I think I was more knowledgeable about birth control than most of the people in my class, despite the fact that I was one of two girls in my class that was still a virgin by graduation.

And we didn’t do this, but I’ve heard about another activity where they make you chew up potato chips and spit it in other people’s cups of water and the moral of the story is that no one will want you if you have sex…the same mindset that I had after I lost my virginity to a guy and got dumped over email a week later - “Isn’t this what happens to sluts who have sex before they’re married?” Thanks, Catholic school sex ed!

Intention to Marry | Saalon Muyo (Intention to Marry | Saalon Muyo) says:
(Posted September 2nd, 2008 at 9:16 am)

[…] yes?  Maybe, if these weren’t the same kind of people that give teenagers paper hearts and tell them every time they engage in sexual activity outside of wedlock they’re tearing […]

Add your comment