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Tonight! One night only! Watch Mary Z Censor Herself!

posted by mzemait2 at 1:26 pm.

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Hey guys and gals! Be sure to check out WPGU 107.1 tonight, where I’ll be co-hosting The Nightcap from 10-midnight. I’ll be stirring up a radio revolution bigger than Christian Slater in “Pump Up the Volume” with Sarah Clemmons, aka “Clem,” as she’s known in those parts. I’ve decided that tonight will be titled unofficially “Pimp My Blog Night” because both Clemmo and I recently opened blogs here on thegoodold217.com. Tune in to hear us plug our blogs until the proverbial cows come home, and ask each other questions about our divine blog-inspirations. We might even play some music.

The reason why I say that “Pimp My Blog Night” is an unofficial title, is because I need to double-check that I can, in fact, say “pimp” on the radio. I did my first co-hosting gig Monday night on the Night Cap, and I was surprised to find out that one cannot say “penis” on the radio. I know that the FCC has strange rules and regulations for language. For instance, you can tell someone to “quit their bitching,” but you cannot say “I love you, you stupid bitch.” You can talk about your fabulous vacation to the Grand Canyon where you “rode an ass all the way down to the bottom,” but you cannot say “Let’s go to church, you stupid asshole.”

But penis?! (Haha, “but penis” tee hee) PENIS?! That’s ludicrous. But enough about rappers.

I can understand if it’s against FCC regulations to say “Your face looks like a penis” or something equally witty. But apparently you can’t even use it in a basic, expository, anatomical context, like “This man has a penis.” So you can say “sex,” but you can’t say the parts involved in sex. You can say “take a tinkle,” but you can’t say the parts involved in taking said tinkle.

I had to find this out the hard way on Monday. The Night Cap Gang was mooned by three gentleman, one of whom decided it would be hilarious to whip out his donger. Just a typical night at the office! I wasn’t offended because it’s these sorts of things that make hosting a radio show exciting. Plus, I found it useful, because I was able to ascertain that it must have been really really cold outside.

I wanted to mention the moon-dong incident on-air as part of our banter, but Sarah had to cut me off before I uttered the unacceptable word, and inform me during the commercial break that it is not allowed. Genitalia does not exist in radio stations, according to FCC regulations.

Co-hosting is fun. My DJ name is Mare Bear. Sarah told me I should go with something edgier, but I had to inform her that I already have more edge than everyone combined at PGU, so I have to go with a softer name, as to prevent any listeners from cutting themselves on my aforementioned edge. But censoring my sailor’s mouth is going to be a challenge, boyhowdy. I do not know how to talk politely in public. I noticed this last night when I realized I uttered the word “cock” in front of adorable, impressionable children at Jarling’s Custard Cup. Listen, they’re gonna hear about these things eventually, they may as well hear it from me, right? With the reliance on abstinence-only education these days, I feel that I’m doing a public service.

I can’t help it if I’m this edgy. I’m a loose cannon. Ill-tempered with nothing left to lose. Rocking the boat. Taking on the man. Stirring the stew. Rocking the C-K off yo’ muthah. I’m a radio rebel, much like my idol, Dr. Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinnati. So what if he’s a fictional character? He didn’t take crap from anyone.

Wait, what did you say? WPGU can get fined 10,000 dollars for a single violation?

Oh.

That’s a lot of money.

Um.

Ok. I’ll keep my mouth shut. But I don’t have to like it!

Check out The Night Cap tonight at WPGU 107.1 from 10 pm - midnight!

Dr. Johnny Fever ain’t got nothing on me.

Mary Zemaitis: I enjoy comedy. And entendres. Sometimes, Triple Entendres.