Yes, this does come with a disclaimer. Although I do get tired of repeating this, it’s for the best so that people reading my quite fiery blog posts don’t get too offended by my very personal opinions. With the recent loss of Maine as a gay marriage state, I have grown rather disenchanted with marriage. I find that it has become less about preserving the “holy institution” of marriage and more about retaining a HUGE piece of the Privilege Pie of American Society. I fear that I’ll become one of those radical Queers who wish to do away with marriage completely because marriage itself is a state of privilege even within the straight communities. However, I don’t think I’ll completely turn to the sexy dark side of radical Queerness in regards to abolishing marriage because I don’t think America will get rid of marriage. However, I do think the underlying assumptions regarding marriage are a little off. [NEGATIVE NANCY ALERT] I’ve found that some of those wishing to get married think they’ll never fight in a very serious manner because they get along so well already. Many of those I have met who wish to get married don’t fully realize that they decide to be partnered with someone as both continue to grow and develop. This could mean that the personal you married can completely change in a marriage. Also, as nice as children can be, they can be VERY ungrateful for all that you’ve sacrificed to bring them into the world and keep them there. That may hurt even more when you’re Queer and have to use alternative means to have children.
Perhaps the biggest deterrent to my getting married is the kind of obvious social acceptance that comes with it. If you aren’t married after a certain age, there must be something wrong with you because everyone gets married once they hit (insert age here). Marriage is treated like a life marker rather than a decision made by two willing loving individuals: start school, graduate from high school, graduate from college, get a fine paying job, meet a nice Significant Other, and get married,etc etc.
While I do realize that I’m quite the pessimist when it comes to marriage, part of me wishes that I could just say that I don’t know what the big deal is and proceed to ride off on my ignorance cloud into the horizon towards Canada, but I was never one to turn off my inner critic. I realize that my situation is different from many of those wishing to tie the knot:
1. As of right now, getting married is not on the top of my list of priorities. I don’t think it will be at the top any time soon, either.
2. I trust my family’s decision regarding whether to pull the plug or not. My wishes are in line with theirs.
3. Taxes will suck the life out of me either way.
However, after being in the LGBTQQA community on campus (and in the wider world) for as long as I have, I realized that everyone’s situation is different. Not everyone has mostly supportive family members like mine. I’ve also learned that it isn’t all about me. There are people who really want to get married to their lovers. There are people out there who want the picket fence and the happy family. Of course, wanting to get married doesn’t necessarily mean that you want the heteronormative lifestyle that has traditionally come with it. Even if you did, who am I to judge your desires? So this raises an interesting question. How do I balance my personal convictions (which MAY change at a later date) with those of the wider community?
Until I can find a more concrete answer other than just “support them” I’ll focus on how adorable Iowa is.
