I had the most interesting dream last night. It involved my fake-named friends Linus, Lucy, and Betty. In this dream (as well as in real life) Betty has a thing for Linus. However, Linus is coupled with Lucy and may simply enjoy being affectionate with friends. Lucy is oblivious to it all until she sees Linus and Betty holding hands as they enter a grocery store. Lucy, some other friends, and I are in a car when Lucy demands that we enter the grocery store in an effort to confront Linus and Lucy. Keep in mind, though Betty and Linus are only holding hands, there is a feeling that something more is going on between them.

Anyway, right before the huge confrontation, I find Betty, take her face in my hands and ask what the hell she was thinking. Her answer didn’t make sense (and I don’t remember it) so I run away and search for a cake. I’m assuming that the cake was going to be eaten by me…alone, thus cementing my fear that I may never have sex again because who wants to have sex with Thunderthighs McGee? But I digress.

This dream got me a-thinking. Due to the fact that I am on summer vacation and, therefore, no longer have collegiate stimulation of the intellect, I’m going to run with it. What makes my dream different from the real-life “Linus,” “Lucy,” and “Betty” is that “Betty” says she would never be the “other woman” and break up a relationship. She is not what many of my friends would call a home wrecker. However, I’ve had a few friends who would have little problem with being the “other woman/man” though I doubt they would be so comfortable with the home wrecker title.

Some of my “other woman/man” friends have said that the relationship problems of their secret lover are not his or her concern. Rather, it’s the person’s fault for allowing himself/herself to fall for my friend. Other secret lovers would say that the label of “other” woman/man is only temporary since the coupled lover will soon come to his or her sense and leave his or her girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse. I, on the other hand, am terrified of Karma coming back and kicking my ass. Also, I’ve been the one who has been left for a secret love. Trust me. It’s not fun. So, what’s a Queer Quaker woman of color to do? [I’ll get back to the Quaker addition in a bit.] As little sex as I get, I fear I may actually turn down an opportunity for a relationship with someone who is still coupled with another person. That is, unless, they are in an open relationship or they want a threesome [YUM!] As for those of us who are fine with alternative relationship statuses, please be careful. Karma is a bitch.

Back to the inclusion of Quaker into my identity model. I will be involved in an internship at Pendle Hill. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Pendle Hill, it is a Quaker community center in Pennsylvania. I will be there for 7 weeks which is a huge chunk of my summer. My question to you: How interested would you be in blog posts relating to my experiences there? I promise to not try to convert you or end every post with “Hail Jesus!” or “Be Healed!” I have a feeling that a few lesbians may also be attending and I want to share any life lessons that I may learn with my Chambana homies. Any takers?

I had the wonderful opportunity to watch a straight couple make out at a party this weekend. I know what you’re thinking: Why, Jessica, that is nothing new. I see straight people show affection for each other at every party I go to. What makes this couple so different from the numerous other horny college pairs is that they were getting hot and heavy at a party that consisted mostly of gay males. And they weren’t just kissing either; I’m fairly sure there were a few hand jobs in there as well. Kudos, you two.

Viewing this scene for several hours got me thinking. I found it intriguing that straights could walk into a predominantly gay party, fondle each other in a corner, and be as happy as oversexed clams. However, if two gays walked into a predominantly straight party and did the same, they probably would have been kicked out. If two lesbians did the same, a circle would probably form around them and men would cheer. Hooray!

This weekend was the weekend when my abusive boyfriend, Jose Cuervo, and I hooked up several times. I told him to stay out of my life but he’s a sweet talker and I fell for it again. Needless to say, I made a huge ass out of myself. While I apologized to almost everyone I could remember drunkenly propositioning/fondling, it was only until an hour ago that I realized that they were all straight. Mind you, these were not ordinary straight people. They were straights who seem very comfortable with their sexuality. Though the drunken events of this weekend happened within a particular group, this is nothing new to me. I had a group of friends in high school who were somewhat sexually adventurous. The girls would be fine making out with each other but seemed to be uneasy making out with me for fear of giving me “the wrong impression”. Four years later, the dilemma comes up again.

There seems to be an underlying fear of leading Queers on if they’re invited to a massive make out session hosted by straights. I understand where they are coming from and appreciate their sensitivity to our feelings. However, there are some straights who seem to make things more awkward by assuming that we’ll grow too attached to them because they showed an interest in some way, shape, or form. This may stem from their own uneasiness with their sexuality.

Now, my observances regarding these experiences could be completely wrong. I could very well just be an uber creepy individual who felt it necessary to blame her painfully awkward experiences on the straight population. I accept that. However, their behavior is so foreign to me. One must realize that switching between Queer culture and straight etiquette is exhausting.

Among my gay comrades, there seems to be a kind of forwardness. I’ve always admired that in them. On the other hand, straights have their own way of going about things. The details of those differences will be saved for a later post. Aside from blaming my budding alcoholism, I can only think that my way of going about things is too straightforwardly (is that a word?) Queer. Of course, there is no ONE Queer way to go about flirting, showing affection, or displaying vulnerability. However, the Queer community is often ostracized in society. As a result, most of us are more comfortable with certain kinds of human interactions that straights may find unpleasant. For example, if Tom is interested in John, he may simply go up to John, talk for a bit and ask if he wants to go back to his place. How are they able to do that? When society shuns you because of your sexuality, any chance you get to embrace that part of yourself, you really EMBRACE it. It may not be that easy for everyone but it certainly happens a lot from what I’ve seen. I think that is something that straight people can’t really understand. We don’t flaunt our sexualities at all…at least, no more than straights.

I’m not trying to hate on straights. My straight friends are amazing. But I’ve spent so much of my social time with them this semester (and the past 20 years) that I find myself getting gayer with every passing minute. I suppose I should thank my straight posse for their assistance with my personal growth. Thank you straight people for helping me grow into my Queerness!

In an effort to reach my full Queer woman potential, here’s a Xena music video.