I went home for Easter last weekend after 3 months of separation from my family. I missed them a great deal and, judging from the insistance of my mother and little sister to buy/cook me delicious treasures, they seemed to miss me just as much. Every time I return home to my family, I am reminded of the love between each of its members. Sometimes that love is so encouraging that I question if it is time for me to tell them what I’ve been hiding for so long.

My mother isn’t the type to disown one of her children or cry out to God as to why she has been cursed with a non-heterosexual daughter. In fact, my sister and I are her pride and joy. Unfortunately, she lives through us. However, I still find myself throwing out the idea of telling her or my little sister any time soon. Actually, I’m terrified that she might find this blog by accident. The fear of abandonment and disappointing my family is ever present. This is why I feel that the Day of Silence is important. Whether you choose to be silent that day or not is up to you. The most important thing is that the word gets out. We have all faced the pressure to remain silent about our sexualities whether we realized it or not. It’s important to remind ourselves and others that, although we have made a great deal of progress, we still have quite a way to go.

My family predicament also makes me wonder how much easier it would be if I had gay father(s) or lesbian mother(s). While I am assuming that my situation would be significantly less dramatic if my parent(s) were of the same “persuasion” as I, I can’t help but think that it’s true. As a result, I am a strong supporter of LGBT people adopting/birthing children. Call me biased (and I would completely agree with you) but I think we would make great parents! We are open-minded. Most of us are (pop)culturally aware. What kid wouldn’t want that?! I understand that many LGBT people don’t want to get married/pop out kids and I support that, too. However, we must think of our community at large. I know that it’s easy to forget about the world outside of our Chambana bubble, but let’s not become complacent. As for my brothers and sisters who are forced to be silent, we hear you.

In other news, here are some videos that have kept me sane as the school year draws to a close. The first one relates to the topics discussed; the other is from my not-so-secret stash.

I want to encourage all of the community to support the Hug-In taking place tonight at 10pm on Green Street. The first Hug-In took place last year in response to a hate crime on our campus about which very few people know. The incident received some press coverage: http://illinoishomepage.net/content/fulltext/?cid=12590

Those who wish to participate will meet at 9pm in the LGBT Resource Center Room 323 in the Illini Union.

I apologize. I know it’s been a long time since I last posted but I’ve gathered some interesting observations. I will warn you now that I am going to dive into an area of the Queer community that most people probably don’t want me to go. If you are one of those people, I suggestTOO LATE.

Okay. I’ll just say it…people of color are not very popular in the Queer dating scene. While they can fill that best friend category for the Chambana gays, very rarely are they considered attractive. No, I don’t mean attractive as in the “He must have a huge dick” kind of way. I mean the “I like their face/style/essence/THEM” kind of way. Now, I haven’t met every Queer individual person here so I’m obviously not trying to generalize the entire community. However, I have been here long enough to witness a particular “trend” in those who are most often sought after.

I have several Queer Black friends and I’ve seen the same situation happen to each of them again and again.

1.Black Joe/Jane likes Other Race Adam/Anne
2.Black Joe/Jane tells him or her only to discover that the feelings are not reciprocated. However, instead of saying that B.J. is not their (racial/ethnic) type, they say something along the lines of “I’m not interested in a relationship”.
3.Several days/weeks later, it is discovered that Other Race Adam/Anne lied and is now dating White Steve whose personality is half that of B.J.’s.

Though I just fabricated this scenario, it is not entirely fictional. Rather, it is a compilation of events I have witnessed. I want you all to know that this is not the usual voice of Jessica’s stubborn bitterness towards human beings rearing it’s ugly head. It’s what I’ve seen happen to my fellow Queers.

For example, I have a friend who shall be given the fake name of Brian. Brian is a gentleman of color who happens to prefer dating Asian gentlemen. As far as I know, Brian doesn’t necessarily limit himself to Asian men, but he does find them especially attractive. Unfortunately, Asian men don’t really go for Brian because he is Black. How do I know this? They have told him. Therefore, he must watch the Asian men he finds attractive hook up with White men.

I understand that many people have a “type”. I don’t like to admit it, but I know a few types who really get my gears grinding:

For some, their type must include a specific race. Everyone has preferences. I’m aware of this and I accept it. What does bother me is the seemingly apparent avoidance of people of color. From what I’ve witnessed, Black individuals are usually passed over. I shouldn’t expect a unified explanation from the Queer community as to why things seem this way, but I do. I’m not sure if it’s our majority suburban upbringing or American society’s portrayal of beauty. I feel that this topic probably involves other issues such as race relations and possible stereotypes. However, I’m going to be a simpleton. I ask the C-U Queer community whose flag consists of all kinds of colors: Why don’t you seem to like colored/colorful people?