When I was but a wee Queer woman of color, I used to love National Geographic. I used to search through a stack of magazines just to admire the beautiful pictures of nature and wildlife. I especially loved the pictures and articles on various species within the animal kingdom. I’m almost positive that the knowledge I gained from my obsession with wildlife helped me comprehend the world around me. Oddly enough, I think the animal kingdom shaped the way I currently view dating and relationships.

Now, I’m not an expert on lesbians. In fact, they frighten me. While I prefer the company of gay men, through a series of random events and my refusal to turn down any social interaction, I have had the opportunity to better understand the lesbian community in the Chambana area. As a result of some of the lesbian interactions I have experienced, I’ve been able to compare some lesbians to certain selections of animals. I know that labeling isn’t cool, but I was surprised at how many lesbians resemble specific animals. Now, I would hope that we all know that human beings are more complex than we often lead on so please don’t take this as:

1. a simplification of the lesbian community .
2. truth in any way.
3. an exhaustive list of every lesbian in every community.
NOTE: We may all fit under these categories at one time or another.This is just how I see the world.

The puppy, the snake, and the falcon are the main types I’ve encountered lately and the ones I’ll discuss in today’s lesbo-lecture.

The Puppy

This Queer woman desperately needs attention and TLC. They enjoy being the center of attention. They are often excited by any bit of attention given to them. They can be loyal companions or bi-polar bitches (tee hee). Many are loyal even when they are being abused or taken advantage of. Some also desperately need people to keep petting them. You can change petting into whatever sexual verb you deem appropriate (giggity giggity).

The Snake

This Queer woman is enticing for a lot of people because she can be dangerous. Needless to say, those who often go for her are gluttons for punishment. She eats her subjects in one bite without chewing and may or may not be satisfied for several weeks. While the Snake-Lesbian is digesting her food, the prey can sit in her belly and ponder on where s/he went wrong. They usually realize that messing around with the Snake-Lesbian in the first place was the main mistake. Then the Rigor Mortis sets in. Anywho, it takes a Snake Charmer to survive this Queer woman, but there are only a handful of those in the world.
The Falcon

This Queer woman usually watches what goes on with the other lesbians. Every now-and-then she may swoop down to get a li’l somethin’ somethin’, but she mostly stays out of danger by flying or perching on a tree branch. They are rather detached from the world and preoccupied with their own business. This can be a major flaw because it leaves room for a predator that can climb trees to snag her. They have excellent sight and can often see predators of other animals on the ground before the prey notices.

Want to learn more about dating? Check this out! I found out about them through the Big Gay Conference.

As some of you may know, I attended MBLGTACC, or the Big Gay Conference, on Valentine’s Day weekend. The workshops were pretty great and I encourage everyone to attend next year’s Conference. Anywho, several of the workshops focused on the never ending fight between religion and what some deem as “alternative” sexualities (i.e. homos, kinks, etc). While I didn’t attend any of these workshops because I:

1.) Went to a Catholic school for nine years. Therefore, I am quite knowledgeable of the feud between religion and sexuality. I experienced it and researched the background of certain passages.
2.) Really wanted to see kink/BDSM related workshops. Stop judging me.

Either way, I hear that the workshops that discussed primarily Judeo-Christian related passages in the Bible were really great. Since I’ve been reminded of the religion vs. sexuality issue/debate, the topic has been floating around in my head. I feel it necessary to share my extensive (tee hee) knowledge with those of you who are “alternative” yet wish to understand the biblical passages used to condemn us. I’ll include links to some sites that offer more in-depth information. I don’t want to make this as boring as it was for me when I learned about this stuff so I’ve injected some random humor. While any part of the Bible could be manipulated to say something negative against homosexuals, I’ll focus on three major issues: Adam and Eve, Sodom and Gomorrah, and one of St. Paul’s letters. I’ll be starting with the assumption that you have heard of these stories. If not, definitely Google them. Also, check out religioustolerance.org. They’ve got some great resources/information from which to choose.

Adam and Eve

First and foremost, this is a myth. Dictionary.com defines a myth as “a traditional or legendary story, usually concerning some being or hero or event, with or without a determinable basis of fact”. That doesn’t necessarily mean that one can’t learn anything from the story, but it was created to explain how the world came to be. Besides, does anyone ever question why God would punish Adam and Eve by kicking them out of eternal happiness yet only punish the snake that started everything with only squirming on the ground and snapping at people’s heels. Perhaps more importantly, why did God put that tree there in the first place?

Sodom and Gomorrah

The main lesson in this story is God really looks down on inhospitality. It’s also important to keep in mind that a bunch of men wanted to gang rape unwilling people. That’s not okay…unless it’s consensual. If you’re into that kinda thing, you’ve got to ask permission first. Lot’s solution was to offer his virgin daughters as substitutes. Seriously, read Genesis 19. That’s all I have to say about that.

Paul’s Letter to the Romans

I’ll keep this short, too. If you read ALL of the passage, Paul is listing off stuff that “pagans” were doing and commanding Christians to not get involved. Yet again, this passage doesn’t talk about committed relationships. It’s also important to keep in mind that Paul had opinions on a lot of interesting topics. For example, Paul was all for regulating slavery, polygyny, putting women down, and a bunch of other interesting stuff. If we can say that the things Paul supported were a result of the time from which he came, why is homosexuality any different?

While I may have explained some biblical passages, I am NOT an expert on them. As a matter of fact, I haven’t attended a church service in several weeks. Fortunately, Cru, or Campus Crusade for Christ, and the LGBT Resource Center are getting together to hold a panel. It is a panel NOT a debate. The panel will be this Thursday February 19th at 7pm in Loomis 141. I encourage everyone to attend to get your questions about Christianity’s treatment of sexual minorities answered. I hope to see you all there!

-Jess

I suppose before I begin this rant I should explain where I’m coming from. I’m not good with dates/dating/courting/suitors. In fact, they make me unbelievably nervous and a little nauseous. Whenever I go on a date with someone I genuinely like, I feel obligated to keep the other party interested. I don’t get asked out that often and when I do (especially by someone I like) I become ridiculously awkward. I ask stupid questions, repeat myself, and sweat profusely. Plus, my excitement/nervousness during the date often blinds me from the fact that the person I’m on the date with doesn’t seem interested in me at all whatsoever. It leads to a rude awakening later. Some of the women I’ve dated have been either completely crazy (no, really) or compulsive liars. I’m not sure whether to blame this on my taste in women of who is attracted to me. Either way, it might be best to stay away from the types who talk on their cell phones or text during a date. Also, stay away from the ones who don’t tell you that they’re dating you and other people at the same time. But I assure you, I’m not bitter.

So, I saw He’s Just Not That Into You last night. It was a mistake. Upon swimming through a sea of womenfolk in an effort to quickly leave the theater and hopefully forget the movie I had just witnessed, I felt a series of emotions. Anger, disappointment, disgust, and sadness were the few emotions I could identify.

Judging from the trailers, I thought the movie was supposed to dish out some advice to those of us who have no idea what the hell is going on during a date/courtship. I was wrong. While it did serve the purpose of educating the audience in dating men during the first hour or so, the rest of the movie was what my friends commonly refer to as a “clusterfuck”.

I don’t want to give away too much of the plot but I’ll just say that almost everyone got his/her happy ending. I almost gagged. If that is how “love”, or whatever the kids call it these days, works then I must be living in the wrong reality. People break up and they don’t get back together. People argue with each other and neither party sits and thinks about what the other just said. As much as this film tried to be a complex yet happy story, I still felt/feel terribly depressed. I didn’t have any of what the characters in the film had. Those who ended up single looked absolutely miserable. I don’t think there was one happy single woman in this film. I understand that the film is targeted towards women who desperately want/need a relationships, but I think it’s just setting them up to fail. If a man doesn’t want to marry you yet still wants to stay committed to you, he probably won’t decide to marry you a few weeks later. Be happy with what you have! I could say that the movie was simply entertainment but it affected some if not all of the gabillion women in the theater. I remember walking out to the theater and hearing a young woman say to her friend that she wants to begin the process of finding her true love. [Insert eye roll here]

I was never a huge fan of romantic comedies so I really shouldn’t be surprised that I didn’t like this film. It could also be that my sense of reality is very different from that of everyone else. Maybe it could be that I felt inadequate after seeing the movie.I enjoy being single and not forced to deal with much of the drama that couples encounter. However, movies like this kind of make me feel like I should be in a relationship. It’s almost as if they’re asking me why I’m not in a blissfully happy relationship. I’m waiting for the day when I look back on this post and find that I have eaten my words. But until that fateful day forever from now I’m just going to eat my Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Puffs in my empty dorm room alone AND ENJOY MY SINGLE STATUS.

Greetings to all!

I feel it is my duty to inform all who read this blog that an event affectionately referred to as “the big gay conference”, or the Midwest Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, and Ally College Conference (MBLGTACC) is quickly approaching. The Conference will be held at Indiana University and will last from the 13th of February to the 15th. Workshops, performances (Julie Goldman and Company), music (the Kinsey Sicks and others), and bonding are just a few kick ass stuff that’ll be goin’ on. The website is here.

For those who wish to go, the last day to register is this FRIDAY February 6th, 2009. Attendees from campus will be leaving on Friday February 13th. If you have any questions stop into the Office of LGBT Resources located in room 323 in Illini Union. I hope to see you all there! Below, I posted videos involving two of the performers who will be at the Conference. Enjoy!

Shalom
-Jess

Allow me to introduce myself: my name is Jessica. This is my blog. I want to take this moment to thank the many the217.com fans for taking the time to read my first blog. I really appreciate it.

Now that introductions are out of the way, I want to share something very special with you all. Let me preface it by saying I can take a joke. I’ve seen some movies/music videos/comedy sketches that were offensive to others yet made me laugh so hard I cried. Why? Hell, I don’t even know. But that’s not important to this story. As I was struggling to think of what exactly to write about in my first blog post, I stumbled across a delicious piece of potentially offensive material. I done struck gold! I thought to myself. Gold, I tell ya! The piece of gold I discovered is titled Curse of the Queerwolf. I don’t know what the filmmaker(s) were aiming for, but if they were hoping to look like jackasses, they succeeded.

What intrigues me so much about this scene is that I couldn’t tell into what the gentlemen was “transforming”. Though the title states that he becomes a “queerwolf”, I thought he was transforming into a traditionally feminine woman. It was only when the effects (if you choose to call them that) included a bandana, or some kind of handkerchief, crawling out of his back pocket, his wrists becoming shockingly limp, and his ass inflating did I realize that he was turning into the director’s stereotypical idea of a gay man. I didn’t laugh once. OK. I may have giggled but it was because the scene (and I’m sure the movie) is so ridiculous.

Now, the question I pose to you is am I being too sensitive? Is there any way that the filmmaker could have been making fun of stereotypes by exaggerating them like this? I try not to take myself or others too seriously but this actually pissed me off a little. If you believe I am overreacting, I invite you to read about the movie through imdb.com. Also, you should know that the only way the main character can be saved from this queerwolf curse is to have a “fagxorcism” performed on him. Watch the trailer and think about it.