Remember in Bring It On when the white cheerleaders, the Bulls (or whatever the fuck), steal the routines of the black cheerleaders, the Clovers (the writers, in all their Hollywood genius, chose to name all black school district after the symbol of an ethnic group known to be virulently anti-black).

Well, remember when in retribution for stealing their routines, the Clovers bake cupcakes full of rat poison and give them to the Toros ( I checked Wikipedia between here and three sentences ago) and the Toros nearly die? If that seems too far fetched even for a Hollywood movie that operates around the central concept that Gabrielle Union could have been in high school in 2000, guess again.

Allegedly, cheerleaders from Chapin high in El Paso, TX, baked cupcakes laced with rat poison and laxative for rival, Andres High schools’ dance team. The cupcakes in question were confiscated before they could be consumed, and while pranks amongst cheerleading squads in Texas are not unheard of, parents of Andres High students are pissed (understandably) and want the Chapin cheer squad to face criminal charges.

This all comes on the heels of another cheerleader scandal in which Patriots cheerleader, Caitlin Davis, was fired for being a party to drawing swastikas on a passed out compatriot after what surely must have been a night full of Akon and Captain Morgan Parrot Bay. For a longer list of previous cheerleader scandals (and some great pictures), consult our brothers-in-arms at Deadspin.com.

Sugar and spice and everything nice (and penises)

Just like the level of competition rises when players graduate from high school to college, so do the charges from lil’ old attempted murder to full on, Division 1 murder. The alcohol fueled double murder of two LSU fans by a Crimson Tide supporter last week may have been sparked by Bama’s 27-21 overtime victory over the Tigers (though family of the victims claim that there were deeper causes).

I suppose this answers the debate over who would win in a fight, two tigers or an elephant armed with a shotgun?

Both Barack Obama and John McCain will appear during halftime of Monday Night Football, in interviews conducted by “The Swami,” Chris “Back back back back shut the fuck up” Berman. Neither Obama’s Bears nor McCain’s Cardinals are playing tonight as the Pittsburgh Steelers take on the Washington Redskins at 7:30 Central time on ESPN. McCain will be rooting for the home team Redskins, as in every election since 1936, when the Redskins have win their last home game before the election (with the notable exception of 2004) the incumbent party retains the presidency.

Get out them Terrible Towels.

Brace yourself for the worst, most insufferable World Series of all time.

It’s gonna be bad.

Real bad.

Palin family baby names bad.

And not because of the actual games. In fact, the games will probably be great. A veteran Phillies team that has been smelling a World Series for the last couple seasons matches up perfectly against the young, mohawked, “worst to first” Rays. The Series, in fact, might be one for the ages.

It’s the fans that are gonna get you.

In the red corner, we have the all time reigning champions of douchebaggery, Philadelphia sports fans!

City of brotherly love

They’re mean, they’re fat, they boo Santa Claus!

And in the blue corner, we have the die-hard, come if they lose, doggedly determined Tampa Bay Rays fans!

Who does Cooperstown play for?

They ring cowbells with reckless abandon whether they’re hitting or fielding (they’re not sure which is which)!

To read more about the notoriously drunken idiocy of the Philly fanatic, or the fair weather baseball ineptitude of your standard issue Tampa fan, click the links above.

The prescription for this World Series? Not more cowbell…just competent Chicago baseball teams.

There is a saying in Ohio:

“The two most important people in Ohio are the governor and the quarterback for Ohio State.

And the governor is not number one.”

If that’s true, then Terrelle Pryor is the most important person in the state of Ohio. He is (regrettably for an Illini fan) an incredibly talented young quarterback whose collegiate and professional future seem very bright.

He is also black. Which, if you know anything about football, really shouldn’t come as that much of a surprise. There is also another young, promising black American making headlines these days. You might have heard of him.

And the people at this McCain/Palin rally in Strongsville, OH seem like they’re willing to overlook the question of race in the former case, but not the latter.

There are plenty of reasons to vote for McCain (or so I’m told) but one of them is not “because Barack Obama is a one man terror cell,” or because “he’s got the bloodlines and the name [of a terrorist].”

Call me crazy, but does anyone think for one second that republicans would be insinuating that the democratic nominee is a terrorist if he wasn’t black, or if he didn’t have an unusual name?

What would happen if Terrelle Pryor’s mother had named him Terrelle “Hussein” Pryor?

There has been lots of media coverage devoted to the problem of steroids in baseball. But last night, Alexei Ramirez put one on the board for those playing the game clean (probably).

With his White Sox tied against division rivals the Tigers in the bottom of the 6th and the bases loaded, Ramirez hit his 4th grand slam of the year to put the Sox on top by 4 and the game out of reach. A 4 grand slam season, and this dude is built like any tofu chowing Urbana dweller.

Alexei Ramirez

The Sox take on the Twins tonight in a one game playoff at the Cell to see who will be A.L. Central champion. Even though this blogger’s attention is set squarely on the upcoming Cubs/Dodgers series, here’s to Alexei “The Cuban Missile” Ramirez. May your career be long and your biceps remain a normal size.

Alexei Ramirez

Source: White Sox

As October approaches, baseball becomes literally the most important thing the world.

IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

Although, apparently, not everyone agrees. Baseball, once America’s most popular sport, our national pastime, has taken a bit of a slide in the ratings department. Even though it’s still part of the big three (football, basketball, and baseball) over the last decade, stickball has slipped a bit to basketball and a lot to football in terms of television ratings and in many cities, attendance.

Lately, however, Major League Baseball headed by Commisioner Bud Selig (who rivals Tom Brady in the looks department) has been mounting a bit of a comeback, attracting more fans and television viewers the world over.

The reason:

Baseball is hip, again. No. Not hip like American Bandstand or Chuck Taylors were in the 60’s, but hip:

Welcome to Brooklyn.

The transition is easy to understand. At what other sporting event can you buy Old Style and PBR tall boys? In what other sport but baseball do players take the field and stand for hours, hands on hips, looking intensely non-chalant? Football is too agressive, and basketball just requires too much damn running. Soccer gives baseball a run for its money, but everyone knows the only good football is in England. Just look at all the ironic facial hair:

Jason Giambi

Reed Johnson

Many baseball managers seem to have hopped on the bandwagon as well with their sleek new specs:

Joe Maddon, Tampa Bay Rays

Jerry Manuel, New York Mets

The beard scruff sporting, girl jeans buying, fixed gear bike riding influence of hipsterdom seems to even have influenced one of the oldest of the old guard, the ex Yankee, now L.A. Dodgers manager, Joe Torre.

Is he wearing a scarf in L.A.?

Though this is not to say that this a bad thing. Does anyone really want to go back to the old days?

The old days.

Just don’t be surprised if Joe Girardi endorses Parliament cigarettes and team color keffiyehs become hot items on Craigslist.

source: http://media.www.uwtledger.com/media/storage/paper642/news/2003/12/04/Sports/Top-Five.Popular.Sports.In.America-576965.shtml

Hi, my name is Sarah and I like sports.

Not only do I like sports, I even know a little about them. I know enough about sports that I don’t just stop with real sports.

I am wont to Stone Cold Stunner someone without provocation (and with proper technique!).

In short, I can bro-down.

Hard.

Recently, my love of sports and my brobilities helped me venture into a land that is seldom seen by two X chromosomes: Fantasy Football.

My ESPN login name: The Only Gurl. My ESPN team name: Urbana Hipsters.

As a naturally competitive person, I immediately figured out that Fantasy sports were my jam. Also contributing to my newly found love of Fantasy Football: I’M BEATING MY BOYFRIEND WHO IS A BOY.

As if to pour more salt into his wounds, he was the person who invited me into the league.

And speaking of salt…I was supposed to set out chicken a few weeks ago for a meal that he was kind enough to prepare for me. The following is a reproduction of a conversation from that night:

Charlie: Hey Sarah, you home?
The Only Gurl: (yelling) Yeah, I’m in my room
Charlie: Oh hey, did you set that chicken out?
The Only Gurl: Yeah, this afternoon.
Charlie: Sarah, you know you have to set out frozen chicken like…the night before or early in the morning in order for it to be defrosted for dinner. What are you doing anyway?
The Only Gurl: Oh shit, guess I didn’t know that. Yeah…I’m…(pause)(pause)(pause)(hangs head in shame)…draftinganotherFantasyFootballteam.
Charlie: Shoe’s on the other foot now, huh?

And…scene.

Ladies who are brave enough to enter the patriarchal world of Fantasy Football, let this be a lesson. Never let Fantasy Football come between you and defrosted chicken.

Source: Youtube

Go Cubs Go

Note: These will not be unbiased posts. Cardinals, Packers, Pistons, and Wolverines be forewarned.

Two things happened this weekend that signal that either A) I am in God’s favor or B) The end times are upon us.

1. The Chicago Cubs won their division in back to back years for the first time in a century.

2. Yankee Stadium is no more. And the Yankees, with almost 100% certainty, will not be playing in the post-season for the first time since 1995.

The New York Yankees, possibly the most identifiable sports team in the entire world, a team responsible for 26 World Series Championships in the time the Chicago Cubs have won a big fat zero (0), are making history for not reaching the playoffs. In the same weekend, the Cubs, by far the biggest losers in the history of sports, just shrugged off a one hundred year drought like it was so much old news.

The mighty have fallen and the pitiful risen. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Amen.

It is too early to tell if this is a sign of a permanent shift in the bed rock of life (and yes, for Cubs fans as well as Yankees fans, OCTOBER IS LIFE) or just an aberration from the norm. Either way, fans of the underdog can relish in the fact that we might be seeing quite a bit more of this:

And hearing a lot less of this :

Whether you love or hate the Yankees (or whether you love or pity the Cubs), the fact remains: Yankee Stadium is dead. And on October 1st, Wrigley Field will be the most alive place on the face of the planet.

Source: http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/standings/index.jsp
http://newyork.yankees.mlb.com/index.jsp?c_id=nyy