What’s back?

This——>

I’ll save everyone my usual Cubs fan blather and just say that I am stoked baseball’s soon to be back in season.

As a Warren alum who knows the perpetual heartbreak of Warren basketball, I weep.

As an Illini fan, I say Hallelujah! Hallelujah, amen!

The shooter at the line was Brandon “Ice Water” Paul, an Illini signee who will be wearing the Orange and Blue next year. The shooter at the (half-court) line was Jereme Richmond, an Illinois verbal commit who will be coming the year after. The more I watch this, the less bummed and the more excited I get.

Oskee Wow-Wow.

P.S. Apologizing for my latest absence, several mid-terms and a dead hard drive later, I’m back.

If Joe Buck calls this I’m gonna flip my shit.

I doubt this will be on the video montage next to the arch.

“There’s a drive into left center field! That ball is gonna be…OUTTA HERE! It’s gone! It’s 715! And there’s a new home run champion of all time, and his name is Henry Aaron!” (Again)

If this keeps happening, and it will, get ready for Hammering Hank to take the top spot again.

And now, for a bit of the good ol’ days.

One of the best home run calls of all time, in my humble opinion. Though I never got over Joe Buck calling McGwire’s 62nd. Just typing his name gives me the willies.

If you’ve woken up from your seizure after learning that Larry Fitzgerald and the Arizona Cardinals would be playing in the Super Bowl, you’ve probably heard about Fitzgerald’s father, Larry Sr. Fitzgerald Sr. (or Big Poppa, as he will henceforth be referred to), is a long time sports writer for the Minnesota Spokesman Recorder. He’s a highly respected journalist, having covered over 20 Super Bowls and a variety of other big time sporting events. And, it seems, he’s not one to break tradition. Big Poppa has announced that he will continue to objectively (he claims) report on and attend the Super Bowl, despite the fact that his son will be in the starting lineup for the Cardinals.

The Fitzgerald’s and Larry’s late mother, Carol

My question isn’t whether or not Big Poppa can objectively cover his baby boy, but if you’re a Minnesota Spokesman reader, if you even want that? As a journalist, I can be sure that if my brother was taking the hill in game one of the World Series (even if it was for the White Sox, or even..gaaaaaah….the Cardinals), my ass would be about as fair and balanced as Sean Hannity on a bad day. And if I was a reader of the paper, I think I would want that sort of exclusive insight. What’s Larry’s preparation like? How has his relationship with his father affected him up to this point? What do Larry and Big Poppa say to each other if the Cards win (or lose)? All of these columns, none of which could be better written by anybody besides Big Poppa, seem far more interesting to me than the typical “Arizona’s Defense is the Key,” “Get Pressure on Big Ben,” story lines that Big Poppa is sure to write in the upcoming week.

My advice to the Minnesota Spokesman Recorder and Larry Sr., hang up the objectivity hat this time, and just write like you’re his father. Sports are best when there is a human drama, a human touch involved in them. And I can’t think of a single human who would know the Cards and their star player better than Larry Jr.’s, Big Poppa.

Could you be objective if your son did that in the Super Bowl?

Is it possible to top a year like 2008? We’ve encountered everything from scandal to accidental celebrity deaths. History was made in politics with the presidential election as well as in the NFL with the league’s first ever 0-16 team. Although the recession hit hard, the entertainment industry made a few strides with superhero movies like Iron Man and The Dark Knight. Here’s a recap of what 2009 is up against.

Government officials and celebrities showed their true colors throughout the year. The true criminals and scumbags captured the headlines. Before the Rod Blagojevich controversy, there was Eliot Spitzer and his prostitute (she then made a singing debut out of the exposure). Really though, who cares about “Client #9” and Ashley Alexandra Dupré? Apparently Time believes that was the number one scandal of the year and there was no mention of our governor within the top ten.

O.J. Simpson is finally getting the jail sentence many believe he deserved years ago. I guess what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas.

The good side of politics came with our new president-elect, Barack Obama. It shows that our nation has finally progressed past racial barriers, and it’s about time.

On a sad note, death was prevalent for the famous in ‘08. The most shocking death of the year came early with Heath Ledger. An accidental drug overdose took the life of an actor that redefined the role of the infamous Joker in The Dark Knight.

Here’s a short list of other celebrities no longer with us: Bettie Page, Isaac Hayes, Bernie Mac, Michael Crichton, Charlton Heston, and George Carlin.

History was made within the National Football League. The Patriots were near perfection at the beginning of the year, but the choked in the only game that mattered. At least we can rely on the Detroit Lions to pick us up and set the bar with an NFL record of zero wins and sixteen losses. We may never again see this feat.

Michael Phelps came in a distant second to Detroit with history-making performances. So he won 8 gold medals against the best of the best swimmers in the Olympics. The suit did all of the work anyway. I’m totally kidding, that was the single most impressive athletic accomplishment of the year. The next best athletic achievements came from Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt.

The Cubs blew it again…I guess that’s old news though.

Television was entertaining this year. The Office, How I Met Your Mother, and House are still three of the best shows on television. If you haven’t seen Steve Carell’s character Michael Scott on The Office, you’re missing out. Heroes took a fall this past season, but still a decent show if you’re a fan of superpowers and unrealistic twists. No matter how tacky It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (with Danny DeVito) is, I can’t get enough of it. Finally, The Shield ended their reign this past year, and not a minute too soon. I enjoyed the show for a few seasons, but it was time to put that dog to rest.

The most important subject to mention of the entire year is the music. Some bands hit, like TV on the Radio and Coldplay, and one totally missed, Guns n’ Roses. Chinese Democracy started in the mid ‘90’s and should’ve stayed there. Go away Axl, you creepy, creepy looking man…thing. Coldplay is always golden in every aspect of their career. I’m looking to the start of 2009 with Tonight: Franz Ferdinand. A brilliant album I’m still listening to is from The Killers, Day & Age.

There were so many other stories out there, but everything is debatable and some of the stories are too depressing to think about. The one thing that did happen on the LAST day of 2008 was the arrest of Charles Barkley on a DUI suspicion, awesome (apparently a handgun and prostitute are involved, as well). We started 2009 with the Winter Classic between the Red Wings and Blackhawks at Wrigley Field. Nice transition from the old to the New Year. Kudos to you professional sports! Happy New Year, let’s hope for the same excitement this time around.

As a Cubs (and Illini) fan, there is very little that can be done, short of involving hot wax and ball gags, to cause me any pain. We’ve been through it all before. But, in true Cubs fashion, they’ve done and gone and fucked us once again. Cubs chairman Crane Kenney recently announced that the Cubs would be raising ticket prices for the 2009 season.

Now, if that doesn’t seem all that bad, let me put it into perspective for you.

A team that hasn’t won a World Series in one hundred (100) years, a team that hasn’t one a post-season game since 2003, a team that has sold out every single game of the last several (and most) seasons, a team that had 20,000 + fans migrate two hours north for “neutral site” games against the Astros, a team that comes from one of the largest media markets in the country, with arguably the largest nationwide fan base after the Yankees and (recently) the Red Sox–this team–decided they weren’t getting enough from the fans, so fuck it, we’re raising ticket prices.

The Tribune Company, soon to be Cuban Enterprises (please God, do me this one fucking favor), will be doing away with the “Value, Regular” and,” Prime” denominations for tickets, replacing them with “Bronze, Silver, Gold” and, “Platinum.” (Someone should tell Michael Phelps to get off his lazy ass and win 8 “Platinum” medals). In essence, 33% of ticket prices will remain the same, and the good seats for the good games go way up. For example, if me, pops, and bro wanted to go to see the Cubs clinch their third straight division title against the Cards in September (please God, do me this one fucking favor), a few hours of sitting on three feet of beer-soaked, green aluminum bleacher will cost us (and by us, I mean pops) $180.

No sports fan should be so naive as to forget that sports are a business, and in order to keep the doors open and the jerseys on the shelves, teams need money. Cubs fans get it. We’re smart. We’re from the North Side, remember? But don’t toss Kerry Wood into the shark tank of free agency because you can’t afford him, and then ratchet up ticket prices.

Cubs fans will put up with a lot. That much has been proven time and time and time and time and time and time again. But don’t start ripping us off. Cubs fans are as loyal as can possibly be. We expect some of that loyalty to come back to us.

Cynic from birth. A true Cubs fan.

I repeat, Plaxico Burress is the dumbest motherfucker on the planet. If you hadn’t already heard, Plax managed to shoot himself in the leg early Saturday morning in a Manhattan nightclub with an unlicensed handgun.

Accidentally shooting yourself in the leg is pretty fucking stupid.

Doing it in a crowded, Manhattan nightclub where you are surely the center of a lot of attention is even dumber.

Doing it in a state that imposes a MINIMUM 3.5 year sentence for carrying loaded, unlicensed handguns is the dumbest fucking thing on the face of the planet.

Michael Vick offers Plaxico Burress advice on 2′ X 2′ window treatments

Plaxico, who has already been the subject of disciplinary action by the league and the Giants (a one game suspension seems like small fucking potatoes now, huh Plax?) turned himself over to authorities where he was charged with criminal possession of a weapon, a class C felony. He did not enter a plea.

I can’t totally blame Plax for wanting to protect himself in the wake of highly publicized attacks on athletes, including the murder of former Redskins safety, Sean Taylor. But when you’re worth more than the GNP of most African countries, hire a bodyguard. Hire a team of bodyguards. Rent the club out. Don’t carry a loaded weapon (that you obviously don’t know how to use) into a crowded club where you put others’ lives in jeopardy.

So to recap: Someone whose job it is to run, jump, and catch managed to make it impossible to do two of those things, with a device he carries for his PROTECTION (they call that irony, folks), aaaaaaaand will likely serve jail time as a result.

Fucking idiot. (Unless of course his opponent in fantasy football was starting him. Then the joke is on that guy!)

I wonder if it went down like this?

Is it possible for another NFL team to have a perfect season? No, I’m not talking about the 10-0 Tennessee Titans I’m talking about the other end of the spectrum, the 0-10 Detroit Lions. They are on the verge of becoming the first team in NFL history to achieve this magnificent feat.

Around this time last year, we were in a familiar position with the Miami Dolphins. I remember the excitement I felt each week thinking that this was the year. They blew it though. They HAD to win in week 15 against the Baltimore Ravens. This is actually one of the most depressing days of my life.

There have been a lot of 1-win teams in the history of the game, never a winless team. The Lions have high expectations to break through and become that team. Take a look at their schedule; they don’t play a single game against a team with a losing record.

For the better part of my life I was a Lions fan. I grew up in Illinois, but because of my dad, my allegiance had always been to Detroit. The end to that era came a few weeks back. Although I had bragging rights for never being a fair-weather fan, I couldn’t deal with the constant disappoint. It was easier when I didn’t live in Illinois.

Dan Orlovsky made sure to throw the game by stepping out of bounce in his own endzone, resulting in two points for the opposing team.

The real point of this story, besides the PERFECT season, of course, is that Thanksgiving Day football finally has meaning again. As long as the Lions continue their ways against 7-3 Tampa Bay and the Titans can beat the newly improved Jets, we’ll have an epic showdown on turkey day. On that day, we could possibly see two teams continue on their chosen paths, or completely crush the hopes of fans all over the country waiting to see a team run the table by going 0-16.

The Detroit Free Press clearly states for us the way for our beloved Lions to stay the course, here.

Thanksgiving just took on a whole new meaning.

What a week it was in the world of sports.

NFL referees continued to bumble and stumble their way through the season when they incorrectly reversed a last second, Troy Polamalu touchdown, resulting in an 11-10 Pittsburgh victory (the first 11-10 final in NFL history, to add some irony to the pot). It took the refs five minutes to determine whether or not the Steelers won by 1, or 7, or 8, and they still got it wrong. And of course, with the spread set at 5, any Steelers fan who bet on the game failed to cover the spread. It would seem the NFL owes the McBeam family Johnny’s college tuition.

Mark Cuban, the billionaire turned billionaire Mavericks owner was charged by the SEC for insider trading. Cuban allegedly traded some 600,000 shares of Mamma.com (with a name like that, no wonder it failed) before information on the company’s financial problems became public (that’s illegal, fyi). Cuban, who is worth several billion dollars, avoided an estimated $750,000 in losses with the sale. He might have been able to save himself a major headache by just cutting down on gold plated toilets and diamond encrusted shot clocks.

And the cherry on the sports fan’s cherry, Barack Obama’s interview on 60 Minutes where he carved out his 12 point plan to close Gitmo, solve the financial crisis, and most importantly, bring playoffs to college football.

There’s a lot of Big XII fans in Texas who are starting to think this Obama thing might not be such a bad idea after all.