The Fighting Illini Football team has finally done it. No more waiting years for success. Now we have something to brag about. Congratulations to the guys who put in the long hours, through the blood, sweat and tears. And now, without further ado, I give you the finest thing to come out of Illinois football since Red Grange; an inspirational video.

Please just have a winning season…..
Go team go?

NFL star Adam “Pacman” Jones has thrown his hat into the ring of dumbest professional athletes that ever lived. For those who don’t know, Pacman Jones is a Cornerback for the Dallas Cowboys who was recently released from the team after a dissapointing season and another investigation for a shooting outside an Atlanta strip club. The high profile, highly scrutinized defensive star has been associated with numerous criminal activities, leading up to his year long suspension from NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell after a nightclub shooting in Las Vegas which left a man paralyzed.

Adam Jones came into the league after a tremendous career at West Virginia, being drafted 6th overall in the first round of the 2005 NFL Draft. But instead of living up to his hype as one of the next best players in the NFL, he decided to hang out in strip clubs, carry illegal firearms, spit in girls faces, and loan cars to well known drug dealers. Jones ruined his career by being a regular thug who couldn’t stay away from these idiotic problems. For the longest time I felt that O.J. Simpson was undoubtedly the dumbest professional athlete, but at least he waited until after his career to get into trouble. Pacman Jones can now look forward to being the first round draft pick with mountains of potential who will spend the rest of his career sitting in strip clubs wondering if the dancers want to go toss the ol’ pigskin out back.

If you’ve woken up from your seizure after learning that Larry Fitzgerald and the Arizona Cardinals would be playing in the Super Bowl, you’ve probably heard about Fitzgerald’s father, Larry Sr. Fitzgerald Sr. (or Big Poppa, as he will henceforth be referred to), is a long time sports writer for the Minnesota Spokesman Recorder. He’s a highly respected journalist, having covered over 20 Super Bowls and a variety of other big time sporting events. And, it seems, he’s not one to break tradition. Big Poppa has announced that he will continue to objectively (he claims) report on and attend the Super Bowl, despite the fact that his son will be in the starting lineup for the Cardinals.

The Fitzgerald’s and Larry’s late mother, Carol

My question isn’t whether or not Big Poppa can objectively cover his baby boy, but if you’re a Minnesota Spokesman reader, if you even want that? As a journalist, I can be sure that if my brother was taking the hill in game one of the World Series (even if it was for the White Sox, or even..gaaaaaah….the Cardinals), my ass would be about as fair and balanced as Sean Hannity on a bad day. And if I was a reader of the paper, I think I would want that sort of exclusive insight. What’s Larry’s preparation like? How has his relationship with his father affected him up to this point? What do Larry and Big Poppa say to each other if the Cards win (or lose)? All of these columns, none of which could be better written by anybody besides Big Poppa, seem far more interesting to me than the typical “Arizona’s Defense is the Key,” “Get Pressure on Big Ben,” story lines that Big Poppa is sure to write in the upcoming week.

My advice to the Minnesota Spokesman Recorder and Larry Sr., hang up the objectivity hat this time, and just write like you’re his father. Sports are best when there is a human drama, a human touch involved in them. And I can’t think of a single human who would know the Cards and their star player better than Larry Jr.’s, Big Poppa.

Could you be objective if your son did that in the Super Bowl?

Is it possible to top a year like 2008? We’ve encountered everything from scandal to accidental celebrity deaths. History was made in politics with the presidential election as well as in the NFL with the league’s first ever 0-16 team. Although the recession hit hard, the entertainment industry made a few strides with superhero movies like Iron Man and The Dark Knight. Here’s a recap of what 2009 is up against.

Government officials and celebrities showed their true colors throughout the year. The true criminals and scumbags captured the headlines. Before the Rod Blagojevich controversy, there was Eliot Spitzer and his prostitute (she then made a singing debut out of the exposure). Really though, who cares about “Client #9” and Ashley Alexandra Dupré? Apparently Time believes that was the number one scandal of the year and there was no mention of our governor within the top ten.

O.J. Simpson is finally getting the jail sentence many believe he deserved years ago. I guess what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas.

The good side of politics came with our new president-elect, Barack Obama. It shows that our nation has finally progressed past racial barriers, and it’s about time.

On a sad note, death was prevalent for the famous in ‘08. The most shocking death of the year came early with Heath Ledger. An accidental drug overdose took the life of an actor that redefined the role of the infamous Joker in The Dark Knight.

Here’s a short list of other celebrities no longer with us: Bettie Page, Isaac Hayes, Bernie Mac, Michael Crichton, Charlton Heston, and George Carlin.

History was made within the National Football League. The Patriots were near perfection at the beginning of the year, but the choked in the only game that mattered. At least we can rely on the Detroit Lions to pick us up and set the bar with an NFL record of zero wins and sixteen losses. We may never again see this feat.

Michael Phelps came in a distant second to Detroit with history-making performances. So he won 8 gold medals against the best of the best swimmers in the Olympics. The suit did all of the work anyway. I’m totally kidding, that was the single most impressive athletic accomplishment of the year. The next best athletic achievements came from Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt.

The Cubs blew it again…I guess that’s old news though.

Television was entertaining this year. The Office, How I Met Your Mother, and House are still three of the best shows on television. If you haven’t seen Steve Carell’s character Michael Scott on The Office, you’re missing out. Heroes took a fall this past season, but still a decent show if you’re a fan of superpowers and unrealistic twists. No matter how tacky It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (with Danny DeVito) is, I can’t get enough of it. Finally, The Shield ended their reign this past year, and not a minute too soon. I enjoyed the show for a few seasons, but it was time to put that dog to rest.

The most important subject to mention of the entire year is the music. Some bands hit, like TV on the Radio and Coldplay, and one totally missed, Guns n’ Roses. Chinese Democracy started in the mid ‘90’s and should’ve stayed there. Go away Axl, you creepy, creepy looking man…thing. Coldplay is always golden in every aspect of their career. I’m looking to the start of 2009 with Tonight: Franz Ferdinand. A brilliant album I’m still listening to is from The Killers, Day & Age.

There were so many other stories out there, but everything is debatable and some of the stories are too depressing to think about. The one thing that did happen on the LAST day of 2008 was the arrest of Charles Barkley on a DUI suspicion, awesome (apparently a handgun and prostitute are involved, as well). We started 2009 with the Winter Classic between the Red Wings and Blackhawks at Wrigley Field. Nice transition from the old to the New Year. Kudos to you professional sports! Happy New Year, let’s hope for the same excitement this time around.

Is it possible for another NFL team to have a perfect season? No, I’m not talking about the 10-0 Tennessee Titans I’m talking about the other end of the spectrum, the 0-10 Detroit Lions. They are on the verge of becoming the first team in NFL history to achieve this magnificent feat.

Around this time last year, we were in a familiar position with the Miami Dolphins. I remember the excitement I felt each week thinking that this was the year. They blew it though. They HAD to win in week 15 against the Baltimore Ravens. This is actually one of the most depressing days of my life.

There have been a lot of 1-win teams in the history of the game, never a winless team. The Lions have high expectations to break through and become that team. Take a look at their schedule; they don’t play a single game against a team with a losing record.

For the better part of my life I was a Lions fan. I grew up in Illinois, but because of my dad, my allegiance had always been to Detroit. The end to that era came a few weeks back. Although I had bragging rights for never being a fair-weather fan, I couldn’t deal with the constant disappoint. It was easier when I didn’t live in Illinois.

Dan Orlovsky made sure to throw the game by stepping out of bounce in his own endzone, resulting in two points for the opposing team.

The real point of this story, besides the PERFECT season, of course, is that Thanksgiving Day football finally has meaning again. As long as the Lions continue their ways against 7-3 Tampa Bay and the Titans can beat the newly improved Jets, we’ll have an epic showdown on turkey day. On that day, we could possibly see two teams continue on their chosen paths, or completely crush the hopes of fans all over the country waiting to see a team run the table by going 0-16.

The Detroit Free Press clearly states for us the way for our beloved Lions to stay the course, here.

Thanksgiving just took on a whole new meaning.

What a week it was in the world of sports.

NFL referees continued to bumble and stumble their way through the season when they incorrectly reversed a last second, Troy Polamalu touchdown, resulting in an 11-10 Pittsburgh victory (the first 11-10 final in NFL history, to add some irony to the pot). It took the refs five minutes to determine whether or not the Steelers won by 1, or 7, or 8, and they still got it wrong. And of course, with the spread set at 5, any Steelers fan who bet on the game failed to cover the spread. It would seem the NFL owes the McBeam family Johnny’s college tuition.

Mark Cuban, the billionaire turned billionaire Mavericks owner was charged by the SEC for insider trading. Cuban allegedly traded some 600,000 shares of Mamma.com (with a name like that, no wonder it failed) before information on the company’s financial problems became public (that’s illegal, fyi). Cuban, who is worth several billion dollars, avoided an estimated $750,000 in losses with the sale. He might have been able to save himself a major headache by just cutting down on gold plated toilets and diamond encrusted shot clocks.

And the cherry on the sports fan’s cherry, Barack Obama’s interview on 60 Minutes where he carved out his 12 point plan to close Gitmo, solve the financial crisis, and most importantly, bring playoffs to college football.

There’s a lot of Big XII fans in Texas who are starting to think this Obama thing might not be such a bad idea after all.

Both Barack Obama and John McCain will appear during halftime of Monday Night Football, in interviews conducted by “The Swami,” Chris “Back back back back shut the fuck up” Berman. Neither Obama’s Bears nor McCain’s Cardinals are playing tonight as the Pittsburgh Steelers take on the Washington Redskins at 7:30 Central time on ESPN. McCain will be rooting for the home team Redskins, as in every election since 1936, when the Redskins have win their last home game before the election (with the notable exception of 2004) the incumbent party retains the presidency.

Get out them Terrible Towels.

There is a saying in Ohio:

“The two most important people in Ohio are the governor and the quarterback for Ohio State.

And the governor is not number one.”

If that’s true, then Terrelle Pryor is the most important person in the state of Ohio. He is (regrettably for an Illini fan) an incredibly talented young quarterback whose collegiate and professional future seem very bright.

He is also black. Which, if you know anything about football, really shouldn’t come as that much of a surprise. There is also another young, promising black American making headlines these days. You might have heard of him.

And the people at this McCain/Palin rally in Strongsville, OH seem like they’re willing to overlook the question of race in the former case, but not the latter.

There are plenty of reasons to vote for McCain (or so I’m told) but one of them is not “because Barack Obama is a one man terror cell,” or because “he’s got the bloodlines and the name [of a terrorist].”

Call me crazy, but does anyone think for one second that republicans would be insinuating that the democratic nominee is a terrorist if he wasn’t black, or if he didn’t have an unusual name?

What would happen if Terrelle Pryor’s mother had named him Terrelle “Hussein” Pryor?

As October approaches, baseball becomes literally the most important thing the world.

IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

Although, apparently, not everyone agrees. Baseball, once America’s most popular sport, our national pastime, has taken a bit of a slide in the ratings department. Even though it’s still part of the big three (football, basketball, and baseball) over the last decade, stickball has slipped a bit to basketball and a lot to football in terms of television ratings and in many cities, attendance.

Lately, however, Major League Baseball headed by Commisioner Bud Selig (who rivals Tom Brady in the looks department) has been mounting a bit of a comeback, attracting more fans and television viewers the world over.

The reason:

Baseball is hip, again. No. Not hip like American Bandstand or Chuck Taylors were in the 60’s, but hip:

Welcome to Brooklyn.

The transition is easy to understand. At what other sporting event can you buy Old Style and PBR tall boys? In what other sport but baseball do players take the field and stand for hours, hands on hips, looking intensely non-chalant? Football is too agressive, and basketball just requires too much damn running. Soccer gives baseball a run for its money, but everyone knows the only good football is in England. Just look at all the ironic facial hair:

Jason Giambi

Reed Johnson

Many baseball managers seem to have hopped on the bandwagon as well with their sleek new specs:

Joe Maddon, Tampa Bay Rays

Jerry Manuel, New York Mets

The beard scruff sporting, girl jeans buying, fixed gear bike riding influence of hipsterdom seems to even have influenced one of the oldest of the old guard, the ex Yankee, now L.A. Dodgers manager, Joe Torre.

Is he wearing a scarf in L.A.?

Though this is not to say that this a bad thing. Does anyone really want to go back to the old days?

The old days.

Just don’t be surprised if Joe Girardi endorses Parliament cigarettes and team color keffiyehs become hot items on Craigslist.

source: http://media.www.uwtledger.com/media/storage/paper642/news/2003/12/04/Sports/Top-Five.Popular.Sports.In.America-576965.shtml

Hi, my name is Sarah and I like sports.

Not only do I like sports, I even know a little about them. I know enough about sports that I don’t just stop with real sports.

I am wont to Stone Cold Stunner someone without provocation (and with proper technique!).

In short, I can bro-down.

Hard.

Recently, my love of sports and my brobilities helped me venture into a land that is seldom seen by two X chromosomes: Fantasy Football.

My ESPN login name: The Only Gurl. My ESPN team name: Urbana Hipsters.

As a naturally competitive person, I immediately figured out that Fantasy sports were my jam. Also contributing to my newly found love of Fantasy Football: I’M BEATING MY BOYFRIEND WHO IS A BOY.

As if to pour more salt into his wounds, he was the person who invited me into the league.

And speaking of salt…I was supposed to set out chicken a few weeks ago for a meal that he was kind enough to prepare for me. The following is a reproduction of a conversation from that night:

Charlie: Hey Sarah, you home?
The Only Gurl: (yelling) Yeah, I’m in my room
Charlie: Oh hey, did you set that chicken out?
The Only Gurl: Yeah, this afternoon.
Charlie: Sarah, you know you have to set out frozen chicken like…the night before or early in the morning in order for it to be defrosted for dinner. What are you doing anyway?
The Only Gurl: Oh shit, guess I didn’t know that. Yeah…I’m…(pause)(pause)(pause)(hangs head in shame)…draftinganotherFantasyFootballteam.
Charlie: Shoe’s on the other foot now, huh?

And…scene.

Ladies who are brave enough to enter the patriarchal world of Fantasy Football, let this be a lesson. Never let Fantasy Football come between you and defrosted chicken.

Source: Youtube