In order to ward off any unnecessary homeland security investigations, I’m not really a communist. However, I do support their outright ballsiness.
While perusing the latest headlines today, I came across solid, concrete, unfaltering proof that Fidel Castro is alive and well.
That proof….that Raul Castro says so.
By reading this type of article, I glean something that I’ve known to be true for a while now…in a state controlled society, you can lie like a lady of the night.
The people of Cuba are honestly supposed to believe that because Fidel’s ickle wickle baby brother Raul says Fidel has been “exercising, thinking a lot, reading a lot” that Fidel Castro is doing just a-ok. If Raul were any more vague about Fidel’s actual state in this article, he may as well have answered, “Fidel’s real chill, brah.”
In America, we do it the “Patrick Swayze has cancer” way. PHOTO evidence. Unless I see Fidel Castro suited up in his best jogging outfit (replete with cigar dangling from mouth) and running through the streets Havana, I refuse to believe that he is not dying. In fact, I’m pretty sure Fidel Castro has been perpetually dying for the past two decades.
In conclusion, I wish to be a communist leader for only one reason: I can lie my ass off and absolutely NO ONE can call me on it.
If you hear me humming the Internationale on the quad, you’ll certainly know why.
Clearly, Fidel has been exercising a lot.
