The Democrats have done it. They won the presidency and solidified their majority in the House and Senate. Following the announcement that Barack Obama had won, gay people everywhere flooded the streets to have HIV infecting sex.

But something more important than the world’s largest public orgy happened yesterday, for the first time in history, a black man will be president.

Now that’s something. That says something about the evolved nature of this country. When the daughter of George “Segregation today, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever ” Wallace votes for black man, that is history.

The moment that left many (myself included) a little choked up, was when a camera scanning the crowd stumbled upon a teary eyed Jesse Jackson. Seeing Jackson overcome with emotion reminds us what we have a nation have been through. Jesse Jackson knelt on the balcony of the Lorraine Hotel next to Martin Luther King Jr. while his life slowly bled out of him. And not quite fifty years later, a black man is in the White House. Jackson’s emotions say it in a way that words like “historical” and “significant” and “monumental,” just can’t convey.

Change “could be” to “is” and you’ve got your cover for next week.

Dumbasses.

That’s what beauty queens are.

Not role models.

Not scholarship winners.

Dumb, gorgeous asses.

Not really a revelation to most, I know, but Miss Teen Louisiana’s arrest for ditching a $46.07 restaurant bill, forgetting her purse, going back to retrieve it, and getting busted for the marijuana inside of it, just serves to underscore, bold, and italicize what most people already know.

Hardly an isolated incident of late. Remember Tara Conner, and her teary eyed apology for using cocaine?

Or Katie Rees’ public, drunken exploration of her sexuality?

Is that her talent?

Or, Caitlin Upton’s unfathomably vapid answer to Mario Lopez’s query about why 1/5 of Americans can’t identify the U.S. on a world map.

You would think she would know the answer, she’s obviously part of that 1/5.

Oh, and I’m forgetting Kamari Fulbright, who was arrested for torture.

Beauty queens are beauty queens because they are beautiful, not because they are intelligent, thoughtful, poised, or talented–in fact, their recent track record has shown that they are the antithesis of all of these things.

So no, I don’t care about your solution to the global oil crisis Miss Teen Wherever the Fuck. Go put on a swimsuit.

Role model

There is a saying in Ohio:

“The two most important people in Ohio are the governor and the quarterback for Ohio State.

And the governor is not number one.”

If that’s true, then Terrelle Pryor is the most important person in the state of Ohio. He is (regrettably for an Illini fan) an incredibly talented young quarterback whose collegiate and professional future seem very bright.

He is also black. Which, if you know anything about football, really shouldn’t come as that much of a surprise. There is also another young, promising black American making headlines these days. You might have heard of him.

And the people at this McCain/Palin rally in Strongsville, OH seem like they’re willing to overlook the question of race in the former case, but not the latter.

There are plenty of reasons to vote for McCain (or so I’m told) but one of them is not “because Barack Obama is a one man terror cell,” or because “he’s got the bloodlines and the name [of a terrorist].”

Call me crazy, but does anyone think for one second that republicans would be insinuating that the democratic nominee is a terrorist if he wasn’t black, or if he didn’t have an unusual name?

What would happen if Terrelle Pryor’s mother had named him Terrelle “Hussein” Pryor?

Back in their hey day, the Beatles received a lot of fan mail. Now that only two are still alive, you can imagine how heavy the Liverpool postman’s satchel might be.

A few days ago, Ringo Starr released a video on his website asking fans to stop sending fan mail after October 20th. Starr will refuse to sign, or even open any fan letters postmarked after the 20th.

If you’ve seen the video, you will wonder how someone can clearly be so irritated while repeating the phrase “peace and love” so frequently? It’s a good thing Marge got hers in before the deadline.

Megastar rapper T.I. is scheduled to start serving his one year prison term on federal gun charges shortly. The rapper, whose last three consecutive albums all reached the number one spot, was busted in October of 2007 by federal agents during a sting operation when the rapper was caught attempting to buy machine guns and silencers in Hotlanta.

This is only the most recent in a series of rap superstars running into the wrong side of Johnny Law. DMX has had multiple scrapes, including one where he impersonated a federal officer after crashing a car while in possession of cocaine. Rapper (and apparent Cubs fan) Shyne is still in prison on a ten year bit for reckless endangerment and assault following a nightclub shooting in December of 1999. Lil’ Kim did a bit as well. And of course, who can forget the exploits of Tupac and Biggie Smalls, both of whom were not fortunate enough to escape with only jail time.

Call me a wanksta, or a honky–but someone should tell these guys that after they’re rich and world famous–they can either drop the act, or hire a body guard. When you have such a good thing going, lay off the nose candy. You don’t want to wind up like this:

George Clinton’s Mug Shot

Or like this:

We gotta have some changes.

That’s right, I went there. Why?

On October 8th, on the Minneapolis based The Chris Baker Show, Baker and Perry agreed that Magic Johnson “faked AIDS.”

Let me say that again.

Baker and Perry were in agreement that one of the greatest NBA players in the history of the game, lied about his HIV diagnosis at a time when there was immense social stigma associated with the disease. He retired, leaving behind tens of millions of dollars in salary and endorsements, and a throng of adoring Lakers fans, on a lie.

Unbelievable, right? Believe it.

In light of his diagnosis, Johnson started the Magic Johnson Foundation, which has raised millions of dollars for HIV/AIDS education and supported minority athletes from all over the country.

To sum up:

Chris Baker and Langdon Perry blow. And Magic Johnson has managed to live a fuller life and help more people, even with his HIV diagnosis, than Baker and Perry have probably ever met.

Maybe it was because it was the first big “family movie” to come out in a while. Maybe it was because everyone missed those commercials. Maybe it was because Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist sold out, but for some ungodly reason, Beverly Hills Chihuahua was the number one movie in America this weekend, pulling in $29 million and beating out Eagle Eye for the number one spot.

For those of you who didn’t shell out to see this Oscar shoo-in, the film centers around a ritzy, Rodeo drive chihuahua named Chloe who gets lost on a trip to Mexico and needs help to find her way back home. Life lessons are learned in the process.

Yo quiero taste?

“Why can’t we all just get along?”

Rodney King said that. He said that was after the cops who beat him 3/4 of the way to death were acquitted by an all-white jury. He said that while many of the black citizens of Los Angeles were dragging white truck drivers out of their cabs and beating them 3/4 of the way as well.

It’s a pretty simple question, right? But it’s a far more complex answer.

To underscore how complex and difficult an answer to King’s question may be to find, ponder this:

Today, the first black American to be a legitimate candidate for president will once again take the national stage in the first of a series of debates. It’s pretty amazing to think that this debate will take place at Ole Miss, a university that rioted when the feds tried to integrate it. Where, not five years ago, the mascot was a fucking slave owner named Colonel Rebel.

Col. Rebel

It’s a big step forward, no doubt. But tonight also highlights how fucking backward we still are. Guess who is showing up to the debate?

These guys:

The KKK is planning to show up and distribute literature and membership applications to the crowd in and around the debate tonight, according to Time magazine. And their idiotic ramblings may not fall on deaf ears. Many of the black students at Ole Miss (now 14% of the student body) have reported acts of racism or violence perpetrated against them by white students.

In essence, Barack Obama could be the President of the United States of America, but he would still get a beer can thrown at him if went to the wrong frat party at Ole Miss?

Why can’t we all just get along? It’s a long story, Rodney.

Source: http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1844872,00.html?cnn=yes

http://www.cnn.com/?refresh=1

As October approaches, baseball becomes literally the most important thing the world.

IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

Although, apparently, not everyone agrees. Baseball, once America’s most popular sport, our national pastime, has taken a bit of a slide in the ratings department. Even though it’s still part of the big three (football, basketball, and baseball) over the last decade, stickball has slipped a bit to basketball and a lot to football in terms of television ratings and in many cities, attendance.

Lately, however, Major League Baseball headed by Commisioner Bud Selig (who rivals Tom Brady in the looks department) has been mounting a bit of a comeback, attracting more fans and television viewers the world over.

The reason:

Baseball is hip, again. No. Not hip like American Bandstand or Chuck Taylors were in the 60’s, but hip:

Welcome to Brooklyn.

The transition is easy to understand. At what other sporting event can you buy Old Style and PBR tall boys? In what other sport but baseball do players take the field and stand for hours, hands on hips, looking intensely non-chalant? Football is too agressive, and basketball just requires too much damn running. Soccer gives baseball a run for its money, but everyone knows the only good football is in England. Just look at all the ironic facial hair:

Jason Giambi

Reed Johnson

Many baseball managers seem to have hopped on the bandwagon as well with their sleek new specs:

Joe Maddon, Tampa Bay Rays

Jerry Manuel, New York Mets

The beard scruff sporting, girl jeans buying, fixed gear bike riding influence of hipsterdom seems to even have influenced one of the oldest of the old guard, the ex Yankee, now L.A. Dodgers manager, Joe Torre.

Is he wearing a scarf in L.A.?

Though this is not to say that this a bad thing. Does anyone really want to go back to the old days?

The old days.

Just don’t be surprised if Joe Girardi endorses Parliament cigarettes and team color keffiyehs become hot items on Craigslist.

source: http://media.www.uwtledger.com/media/storage/paper642/news/2003/12/04/Sports/Top-Five.Popular.Sports.In.America-576965.shtml