The Bulls and Celtics playoff series has been the best NBA playoff series I can remember. The times of Jordan were great, but the battle brewing between these two teams is so unbelievable that I can barely sit through an entire game. Seven overtime periods in six games, technical fouls, flagrant fouls (called and not called), players being thrown into scorers’ tables, elbows being thrown, and the Celtics crying like babies after every single God damned little piece of contact. And what have I learned from this entire series? I hate the Celtics. Last year, I was happy to see the Boston Three Party bring home the championship, but now I wish I could fly to Boston and burn their stadium down. This team is one of the dirtiest, egotistical, scum-bag teams I have ever seen play the game. They cry after every possession! I can’t wait to see those chumps cry off the court after tonight’s game seven. They deserve it. Way to go Bulls, you’ve played incredible, and whatever happens tonight, I won’t be disappointed.

The New York Post is reporting today that Chicago Bulls General Manager John Paxson will be resigning after the February 19 NBA trade deadline. Now, I’ve always liked John Paxson. He played well for the Bulls years ago, and I feel that he’s always had the best interest of the team in heart, which isn’t always true with general managers. Paxson is responsible for drafting Tyrus Thomas, Joakim Noah, Derrick Rose, Kirk Heinrich, Ben Gordon, and basically every player on the roster.

How I miss you, Ben Wallace.

However, although I believe that Paxson has always had the team’s best interests at heart, that does not make up for a lack effectiveness at the general manager position. Paxson’s draft classes over the last 6 years or so have looked tremendous. And on paper, these players seem to have the potential to be the next generation’s all-star players. But, it hasn’t worked out that way. All of these players brought in by Paxson are great collegiate and individual players, but they are not suited to build a great team around. (With the exception of Derrick Rose) Paxson has drafted the perfect team filled with players who could, and probably should, be traded away. (again, with the exception of Derrick who is untouchable by any other team)

You may be thinking, “well if these players have so much potential, then it must be the coach’s fault for not getting everything out of his players.” I completely agree. Last year the Bulls got rid of head coach Scott Skiles. Although he was a good in game coach, he drilled, screamed, yelled, abused, and expected way too much of his players. He drove the team into the ground working them too hard. So now, the Bulls were in need of a new head coach. And what do ya know, Mike D’Antoni is fired from the Pheonix Suns after many great seasons! It’s a sure lock that the Bulls will pick him up with their young up and coming team, right? No. Of course not. Instead, John Paxson hires Vinny Del Negro. A former player who was traded from team to team in his playing days and has ABSOLUTELY NO COACHING EXPERIENCE. That’s right, not a single day of being in charge of a basketball team. He was the former assistant general manager of the Pheonix Suns, but still hadn’t had a minute of on-court coaching experience.

That’s Mike D’Antoni (left) and Vinny Del Negro (right). Think Paxson just got confused on which one he was supposed to hire?

Shockingly enough, he’s done a terrible job coaching the Bulls this year. He has no idea what he’s doing on the court, doesn’t motivate the players, and rarely has a good idea for a last minute play; defensively or offensively. Last week, ESPN’s Bill Simmons proclaimed the Del Negro hiring as the worst coaching hiring of the year, by far.
To quote:
“….it’s more like watching an old person getting ready to go through a metal detector at an airport. Just complete confusion and panic and a lot of stopping and starting and glancing around. I feel bad even making fun of it. Let’s just move on.”

Thats Simmons’ evaluation of Vinny coaching style during a game. Pretty accurate in my opinion.

So after all the bad drafting, poor hiring, and lack of effectiveness, what have we learned? That not only does John Paxson need to go, but he needs to take Vinny with him. Take my advice Johnny boy, trade Gordon and Noah for Amare Stoudemire and then jump ship. It will improve the Bulls, and make people less pissed off at you. Because although it could change the team around completely, Bulls fans will still think you’re worthless but we might have a little more sympathy for you if you leave us with a good taste in our mouths.

In my 21 years on this planet, I have known two things; my mom makes better meatloaf than your mom, and I’m destined for disappointment as a Chicago sports fan. It’s not only the fact that I am a diehard Cubs fan, but almost all Chicago sports are due to constantly disappoint their fans. In fact, since most everybody knows the travesty that is the Chicago Cubs organization, I’m going to ignore that franchise. We can start with the Bears.

I admit, the 2006 season was great to watch all season long, even though I wanted to rip my hair out every time Sexy Rexy Grossman threw up another lame duck 60 yards down field into triple coverage. And when the Superbowl came around, I just loved watching Devin Hester running the opening kickoff for a touchdown and then seeing us plummet back down to earth like one of Peyton’s phenomenal touchdown passes.

And I know that many of you are thinking about the bulls in the 90’s. I know, the Bulls were a great dynasty in the nineties. Six championships, Phil Jackson, and MJ. They had it all. But have you watched the Bulls since then? They suck. They suck hard. I’ve followed the Bulls for years since Jordan’s days and have wanted to move to Oklahoma City ever since. (not really) Even this year, the team is filled with tons of talent and the eventual Rookie of the Year. But they can’t play together, they don’t have enough size, and defense is a joke to the Bulls, and the NBA for that matter. I can’t wait for another top 10 draft pick!

I’ve had to resort to supporting the Blackhawks just so I can watch some professional sports without thinking about joining a monastery. That’s right, I am a complete Blackhawks fair-weather fan. I joined their bandwagon when I had nothing else to support and they were doing well. I don’t even know anything about hockey except for the fact that I love watching it. I don’t know most of the rules, but I do know that watching two hockey players beat the crap out of each other legally is great television.

Maybe I wouldn’t feel so slighted about Chicago sports if other championships were being spread out throughout the country, but that’s not the case. Boston is sticking it to the sports world. Between the Patriots, Celtics, and Red Sox, Boston has six national championships in the last seven years. And I thought ACORN was good at rigging elections, they must be thriving in Boston.

I might be flogged mercilessly by several men that I know for saying this but… iwasneverabullsfaninthenineties.

For Christmas in 5th grade, I asked for an Anfernee ‘Penny’ Hardaway jersey.

In my grade school days, the NBA was my jam. (Insert boomshakalaka here)

Even then, however, I knew about the philanderings of NBA players like Shawn Kemp.

Today in the Chicago Tribune, an article written about former Bulls player Jason Caffey revealed that he has 10 children with 8 women.

It seems to me that NBA players must have some sort of magical virility that other athletes lack. Perhaps it’s because their balls don’t shrink quite as much as football or baseball players do when they’re on steroids. *Shrugs*

Regardless, Caffey is now bankrupt and owes his baby mamas A LOT of money.

Needless to say, professional basketball players should probably keep their balls on the court.

By he, I mean Jason Caffey. By ‘on fire,’ I mean bankrupt.