In my 21 years on this planet, I have known two things; my mom makes better meatloaf than your mom, and I’m destined for disappointment as a Chicago sports fan. It’s not only the fact that I am a diehard Cubs fan, but almost all Chicago sports are due to constantly disappoint their fans. In fact, since most everybody knows the travesty that is the Chicago Cubs organization, I’m going to ignore that franchise. We can start with the Bears.

I admit, the 2006 season was great to watch all season long, even though I wanted to rip my hair out every time Sexy Rexy Grossman threw up another lame duck 60 yards down field into triple coverage. And when the Superbowl came around, I just loved watching Devin Hester running the opening kickoff for a touchdown and then seeing us plummet back down to earth like one of Peyton’s phenomenal touchdown passes.

And I know that many of you are thinking about the bulls in the 90’s. I know, the Bulls were a great dynasty in the nineties. Six championships, Phil Jackson, and MJ. They had it all. But have you watched the Bulls since then? They suck. They suck hard. I’ve followed the Bulls for years since Jordan’s days and have wanted to move to Oklahoma City ever since. (not really) Even this year, the team is filled with tons of talent and the eventual Rookie of the Year. But they can’t play together, they don’t have enough size, and defense is a joke to the Bulls, and the NBA for that matter. I can’t wait for another top 10 draft pick!

I’ve had to resort to supporting the Blackhawks just so I can watch some professional sports without thinking about joining a monastery. That’s right, I am a complete Blackhawks fair-weather fan. I joined their bandwagon when I had nothing else to support and they were doing well. I don’t even know anything about hockey except for the fact that I love watching it. I don’t know most of the rules, but I do know that watching two hockey players beat the crap out of each other legally is great television.

Maybe I wouldn’t feel so slighted about Chicago sports if other championships were being spread out throughout the country, but that’s not the case. Boston is sticking it to the sports world. Between the Patriots, Celtics, and Red Sox, Boston has six national championships in the last seven years. And I thought ACORN was good at rigging elections, they must be thriving in Boston.

NFL star Adam “Pacman” Jones has thrown his hat into the ring of dumbest professional athletes that ever lived. For those who don’t know, Pacman Jones is a Cornerback for the Dallas Cowboys who was recently released from the team after a dissapointing season and another investigation for a shooting outside an Atlanta strip club. The high profile, highly scrutinized defensive star has been associated with numerous criminal activities, leading up to his year long suspension from NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell after a nightclub shooting in Las Vegas which left a man paralyzed.

Adam Jones came into the league after a tremendous career at West Virginia, being drafted 6th overall in the first round of the 2005 NFL Draft. But instead of living up to his hype as one of the next best players in the NFL, he decided to hang out in strip clubs, carry illegal firearms, spit in girls faces, and loan cars to well known drug dealers. Jones ruined his career by being a regular thug who couldn’t stay away from these idiotic problems. For the longest time I felt that O.J. Simpson was undoubtedly the dumbest professional athlete, but at least he waited until after his career to get into trouble. Pacman Jones can now look forward to being the first round draft pick with mountains of potential who will spend the rest of his career sitting in strip clubs wondering if the dancers want to go toss the ol’ pigskin out back.

In his first two weeks in office, Barack Obama has done (at least) two things that George Bush couldn’t find the time for in 8 years (for the record, we are not counting listening to Earth, Wind, and Fire).

1) When he screwed something up, he apologized.

2) Exercised common sense.

Funny how admitting wrong doing and subsequently taking the appropriate steps to stay the change course, and using common sense are not mutually exclusive. Personally, I think Daschle would have made a great HHS Secretary, but I suppose appointing someone to a salaried position in the presidential cabinet who owes the IRS a couple hundred thousand in back taxes is a teensy bit hypocritical.