The McCain campaign’s PR nightmare?

This guy.

I might be flogged mercilessly by several men that I know for saying this but… iwasneverabullsfaninthenineties.

For Christmas in 5th grade, I asked for an Anfernee ‘Penny’ Hardaway jersey.

In my grade school days, the NBA was my jam. (Insert boomshakalaka here)

Even then, however, I knew about the philanderings of NBA players like Shawn Kemp.

Today in the Chicago Tribune, an article written about former Bulls player Jason Caffey revealed that he has 10 children with 8 women.

It seems to me that NBA players must have some sort of magical virility that other athletes lack. Perhaps it’s because their balls don’t shrink quite as much as football or baseball players do when they’re on steroids. *Shrugs*

Regardless, Caffey is now bankrupt and owes his baby mamas A LOT of money.

Needless to say, professional basketball players should probably keep their balls on the court.

By he, I mean Jason Caffey. By ‘on fire,’ I mean bankrupt.

Is there? Personally, I don’t think there’s anyway to prove it one way or the other, but apparently, the citizens of North Carolina really really think that there is a dude up in the clouds.

Hagan claims that the member of Godless PAC was just one of 40 hosts of the fundraiser, including Senator John Kerry. Dole is down by 5 points with less than a week remaining before the election. For her sake, she had better hope there is a god.

Ted Stevens, the longest serving Republican senator in history, was found guilty on all seven counts of federal corruption charges, proving once again that just because you’re old and have been in politics forever, it doesn’t make you good at.

Ted “Why coming from an oil producing state isn’t necessarily a good thing” Stevens

Jesse “I’m going to sing Dixie until I make a black woman cry” Helms

Strom “I’ll fuck them but I won’t let them vote” Thurmond

The scary thing is, even with the corruption trial, Stevens’ democratic opponent only leads by 1.5% in the polls.

Troy Davis

I feel terrible for Annaliese Davis.

Davis is the mother of Troy Davis, who was convicted of murdering a police officer in Savannah, GA in 1991. Since his conviction however, 7 of the 9 witnesses who testified against him have recanted their testimony, and no physical evidence was ever presented at trial tying Davis to the murder. The 39 year old Davis has maintained his innocence throughout his time on death row.

Davis has been granted three different stays of execution, including one not two hours before he was scheduled to die by lethal injection. His most recent stay, granted by the 11th Circuit Court, gives Davis and his lawyers 25 days to file a habeas corpus brief with a lower court. His appeal to the Supreme Court was already rejected. Whether Davis may ever get a new trial is still up in the air.

He is killing time to killing time.

“This is mental cruelty to all of us,” said Davis’ mother.

I cannot even imagine.

Ever hear somebody say that they’d give their right arm to do something?

Check this guy out. The gruff sounding reporter in the video will tell you that a Mesa State College offensive lineman severely injured his right pinkie finger at practice. This was a season ending injury for Trevor Wikre, who would be unable to play while his finger healed.

Unless they just cut it off.

So they did. He told them to cut it off.

Hardcore?
Badass?
Fuckin’ crazy?

All of the above, baby. Gotta admire a guy who wanted so badly to finish the season that he’d just have the balls to have a conversation like that with a doctor.

“Trevor, we’re sorry to have to tell you this, but your finger has suffered some severe damage. You can’t play anymore football, you’ve got let it heal.”
“Fuck that, doc. Take it off.”
“…excuse me?”
“You heard me. If you don’t, I will. FOOTBALL!”

Dumbasses.

That’s what beauty queens are.

Not role models.

Not scholarship winners.

Dumb, gorgeous asses.

Not really a revelation to most, I know, but Miss Teen Louisiana’s arrest for ditching a $46.07 restaurant bill, forgetting her purse, going back to retrieve it, and getting busted for the marijuana inside of it, just serves to underscore, bold, and italicize what most people already know.

Hardly an isolated incident of late. Remember Tara Conner, and her teary eyed apology for using cocaine?

Or Katie Rees’ public, drunken exploration of her sexuality?

Is that her talent?

Or, Caitlin Upton’s unfathomably vapid answer to Mario Lopez’s query about why 1/5 of Americans can’t identify the U.S. on a world map.

You would think she would know the answer, she’s obviously part of that 1/5.

Oh, and I’m forgetting Kamari Fulbright, who was arrested for torture.

Beauty queens are beauty queens because they are beautiful, not because they are intelligent, thoughtful, poised, or talented–in fact, their recent track record has shown that they are the antithesis of all of these things.

So no, I don’t care about your solution to the global oil crisis Miss Teen Wherever the Fuck. Go put on a swimsuit.

Role model

Brace yourself for the worst, most insufferable World Series of all time.

It’s gonna be bad.

Real bad.

Palin family baby names bad.

And not because of the actual games. In fact, the games will probably be great. A veteran Phillies team that has been smelling a World Series for the last couple seasons matches up perfectly against the young, mohawked, “worst to first” Rays. The Series, in fact, might be one for the ages.

It’s the fans that are gonna get you.

In the red corner, we have the all time reigning champions of douchebaggery, Philadelphia sports fans!

City of brotherly love

They’re mean, they’re fat, they boo Santa Claus!

And in the blue corner, we have the die-hard, come if they lose, doggedly determined Tampa Bay Rays fans!

Who does Cooperstown play for?

They ring cowbells with reckless abandon whether they’re hitting or fielding (they’re not sure which is which)!

To read more about the notoriously drunken idiocy of the Philly fanatic, or the fair weather baseball ineptitude of your standard issue Tampa fan, click the links above.

The prescription for this World Series? Not more cowbell…just competent Chicago baseball teams.

I started working at a new job last week at the History, Philosophy and Newspaper Library. I’m pretty sure the only people who use our stockpiles of microfilm are the people trying to prove some elaborate government plot against the people of the United States.

Conspiracy theories, you know, that kind of stuff.

I’ve never been too big of a fan of conspiracy theories. Perhaps because I’m not a crackpot and am not easily convinced of things.

My inability to find any merit in conspiracy theories is probably why I’ve never been a huge Oliver Stone fan.

Until now.

There is one conspiracy that I can believe in. OLIVER STONE PICKED AN ACTOR WHO IS WAY TOO GOOD LOOKING TO PLAY GEORGE W. BUSH.

Let’s face it, folks, anyone with a television set as seen George Bush as a younger man. I can wholeheartedly say that George W. Bush has never, I emphatically repeat, NEVER looked as good as Josh Brolin.

Brolin may have gray hair in this movie but my god, I’ve been hooked on Josh Brolin since I first saw The Goonies when I was 8.

Like I said, I’ve never been a huge Stone fan. It’s hard for me to devote the time and attention to detail to a cinematic feature that is most likely based on completely unreliable sources. That being said, I’d like to see this movie.

To juxtapose my many sports posts… S.C. + J.B. = TRU LUV 4EVA.

I mean, come on, Babs is his stepmom. I’m getting a little fuhklempt just thinking about him.

The way Rush Limbaugh tells it, one would expect that Colin Powell’s endorsement of Barack Obama looked something like this:

The 1968 Olympics

Or this:

By any means necessary

In an email to Politico’s John Martin and Mike Allen, Limbaugh wrote that Powell endorsed Obama purely on the basis of race, and not because Powell truly believes that Obama is the better candidate. Limbaugh, of course, overlooked the fact that Powell made a $2,300 dollar donation to the McCain campaign last year. Powell replied, “I really have been going back and forth between somebody I have the highest respect and regard for, John McCain, and somebody I was getting to know, Barack Obama. And it was only in the last couple of months that I settled on this.”

It says even more to the endorsement that Powell put his mouth where his money was not. Personally, I tend to think that a former four star general, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, National Security Advisor, and Secretary of State can make up his own mind about who he’s going to vote for.