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Video Games that Should be Movies

posted by Mark Fujii at 12:52 am.

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Video game movies have been synonymous with shitty movies and for good reasons. They suck. The degree of how much they suck varies of course. For instance, “Street Fighter” or “Bloodrayne” were a god awful movies no matter how you looked at it; “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within” managed to land in the realms of mediocrity with ambitious CGI but horrible story telling; and I’m willing to argue that “Resident Evil: Apocalypse”, despite all of its glaring problems, was a decently entertaining zombie flick.

However, at the end of the day, video game movies have yet to define themselves as a genre worth taking seriously. The majority of these film’s directors thus far have been awful, and honestly, who is the genius who selects the video games to make a movie out of? I mean, come on, who genuinely thought that making a “House of the Dead” movie (a video game that doesn’t even attempt to entertain a coherent narrative) was a great idea?

Video games can tell good stories. They have been for years, but it hasn’t been until recently that the suits in Hollywood have realized this. Instead of grabbing any random video game off the shelf and deciding to invest millions of dollars into a film version of it without considering whether there’s a good story there or not to begin with (i.e “Doom”), I can’t help but get the impression that producers have started doing their homework a little before green lighting projects. For better-or-worst, games with actual stories have begun to be selected for the Hollywood treatment. “Bioshock” and “Prince of Persia” are going to become movies soon, and hell, if the trailers are indicative of anything, the new “Max Payne” movie looks as though it’ll remain faithful to the game’s edgy, gritty, and dark storyline.

Here’s a list of video games that should also make the jump from the video game console to the silver screen.

Deus Ex
Movies Already Like It: Blade Runner
What happens when you take bio-augmentation, the wardrobe from the Matrix, huge robots, terrorists, evil corporations, and a plague that is decimating the American populace? Well, you get the hit RPG/FPS hybrid, “Deus Ex”, or you get the premise for an awesome summer blockbuster. With its dystopian, cyber-punk setting and emphasis on badasses killing stuff, “Deus Ex” definitely has the substance to be a pretty awesome sci-fi film. The only problem? Chances are someone like Michael Bay would end up directing it. Instead of focusing on plot and being something more intellectual akin to “Blade Runner”, chances are it would focus on HUGE EXPLOSIONS and end up more like “Robocop.”

Sam and Max
Movies Already Like It: Anything made by Pixar
“Sam and Max” has already been a comic book, a Saturday morning cartoon, and a video game (and they’ve always been awesome in all three forms) so why not a movie? The dynamic, detective duo are cute and fuzzy; have awesome chemistry, great; witty dialog, and churn out great pop-cultural references by the handful. Hollywood seems rather insistent on making CGI flicks starring animals “(Garfield”, “Alvin and the Chipmunks”) so why not give “Sam and Max” a try?

Metal Gear Solid
Movies Already Like It: Escape from New York, The Rock, Rescue Dawn
Terrorist group threatening city? Check. Super soldier badass sent in by himself to neutralize threat? Check. Hot, sassy sidekick? Check. Dorky scientist sidekick? Check. Nuclear weapons? Check. At its most surface level, “Metal Gear Solid” already sounds like a dozen or so Hollywood 90’s action movies (normally starring Wesley Snipes or Steven Seagal). With its lengthy, action packed cut scenes and top-notch voice acting, Metal Gear Solid games already feel more like a cinematic experience than a video game.

Halo
Movies Already Like It: Independence Day, Soldier
The world wants a Halo movie. After teasing us mercilessly with the prospect of such a project only to delay it months later, fans want it more than ever. Halo actually has a surprisingly decent story, and though the characters are rather two dimensional, I’m confident it could still become a worthy sci-fi action flick. The movie doesn’t even have to focus on the Master Chief. Those live-action segments (featuring a fierce skirmish between the Marines and Brutes) produced to advertise Halo 3 looked amazing.

God of War
Movies Already Like It: The Odyssey, 300
A God of War movie would be badass. Lots of manly shouting, kicking people in the chest, dicing dude’s heads off, and throw in tons of blood, gore and totally unnecessary nudity and you’d have the spiritual sequel to 300. Movies like The Odyssey have shown that films founded in Greek mythology are possible and awesome, so a God of War movie should really be no problem. As long as there’s boobies, blood, giant mythological monsters, decapitations, and possibly impaling a sharp wooden spike through someone’s eye, I’m pretty sure this movie would be incredible.

Army of Two
Movies Already Like It: Bad Boys
While I normally don’t regard Michael Bay as being one of the best directors ever, I can’t deny that he would be awesome directing a movie like Army of Two. Army of Two is a co-op third persons shooter based on two mercenaries who have tons of guns, lots of latent homoerotic tension, and kill tons of people for cash. There isn’t a whole lot plot wise, but just throw in lots of flying bullets, huge explosions, and endless one liners and you’ll have yourself a pretty decent action flick.

The Darkness
Movies Already Like It: The Crow
Based on the comic book of the same name, The Darkness basically is a mob/revenge story mixed with elements of the supernatural. Jackie Estacado is a pissed off ex-hitman who seeks to take revenge on the corrupt police of New York and his Uncle Paulie after they try to assassinate him. The catch? He controls an army of sarcastic, wisecracking, chain-gun wielding demons to do his dirty work. With the right script and director, The Darkness movie could be a unique hybrid of the dark storytelling of The Crow with a touch of the morbid humor of Evil Dead.

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Movies Already Like It: Star Wars
It often baffles me why George Lucas insists on churning out more Star Wars prequel garbage (the CGI film was pretty terrible) when there’s a perfectly good Star Wars story just sitting around waiting to be made. Knights of the Old Republic takes place hundreds of years before Star Wars (fortunately eliminating any need for Hayden Christensen and his horrible acting) and has an incredible story and an even better plot twist. The story features Jedi lightsaber battles, epic starship fights, and great characters -pretty much all the elements of Star Wars movie only minus the shitty ones like Jar-Jar Binks and Midi-Chlorians.

Duck Hunt
Movies Already Like It: Where the Red Fern Grows, Old Yeller
Duck Hunt could be an emotional story about an emotional tale of a hunter and his dog as they hunt for a legendary duck. Only the dog, man’s best friend, is a complete asshole and laughs at the hunter every time he misses. What a prick. Guaranteed Academy Award winning material right here.

So what other games would make for awesome movies? Or should Hollywood just leave the video game genre alone? Let me hear your thoughts!

Mark Fujii: I'm your typical college student who plays too much video games. I also work as an electronic sales associate, meaning I sell Ipods and violent video games to your children when not trying to sneak off and play Super Smash Bros while the boss isn't looking. Oh, and I'm totally awesome. True fact.