Why oh why oh why would you bring loud, screaming children to an on-campus coffee shop to play with toys when it’s clearly full of students studying?

“The Tribune said that Ames and his gang created ‘a state of affairs in the municipal government of Minneapolis that discounts anything Tammany Hall ever dreamed of.’ Ames fled the city.”

— from my history textbook.

Isn’t it weird that it’s practically impossible to flee anymore? Satellites, cell phones, credit cards — all of these guarantee that if you’re running and someone with access to these is looking for you, you’re screwed. With all the technology on earth these days, you can’t hide. Everywhere you go, you’re being tracked.

Creepy.

Sitting in a public place on a public computer in a silent library makes me really, really self conscious that my music is playing too loud. I’ve already taken my headphones off four times to double check that I’m not making too much noise.

Why am I so paranoid…in the music library?!

Wait, so nude pictures of Audrina from The Hills surfaced yesterday out of nowhere? And wait, isn’t there a season premiere of The Hills next week?

Wow! What a coincidence!

Does it make me 70 years old if it’s 4:26 in the afternoon and I’m dying to go get dinner?

Shouldn’t the free gift with a subscription to Teen Vogue be, I don’t know, something more stylish than what I lugged my books around with in 8th grade?

Who’s doing Obama’s Senate job while he’s busy glad-handing his way down the campaign trail?

Hmm. I guess I never thought about that.

In April’s Teen Vogue, there’s a four page ad for Vogue eyewear. You can be “vintage” in large, oversized shades, “hip-hop” in wide wraparound frames, “rock” with embellished sunglasses and, as seen below, “smart” in glasses.

Smart?? Since when does having impaired vision translate to being knowledgeable? I guess I’m hideous since I wear makeup, and manly because I wear pants.

Why do people in Lens Crafters commercials and eyeglass ads never look like the type of people who actually wear glasses?